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inspiration@singleparentstown.com

Single Parents Town
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Never Stop Believing

It is hard to know where to start when someone gives you an opportunity to write your story. I am a single mom of two amazing boys, one 19 and one 10. Their father and I were married after a courtship of most of 9 years ( I met him when I was almost 16 and married at 25). So I always thought that we truly knew, loved, and cherished each other and would be married forever. After 15 years of marriage I found myself separated, a choice I so desperately did not want to make.

The last few years were trauma for me and my children as he became physically abusive ( never to the children), lost his job a few times, and alcohol became an issue as well. Unfortunately, he would never recognize these issues (and still has not) and the help that was needed. He said that if I divorced him that our children would not have a father... which has meant that the past 6 years he has not been active in their lives very often.

I have been so blessed to be able to provide for my children financially with my job and to have grown in so many ways from the experience of a failed marriage... however... never have I felt so physically and emotionally overwhelmed with the path and role that I have to raise my boys. I have been at my lowest points wondering and questioning if every decision I have made is the best FOR THEM. Counseling has helped to guide me but you still go through the emotions of fear, anger, hurt, uncertainty, guilt... and more ( especially as they go through the teenage years!) However, my faith has always, always carried me through the ups and downs. When you hear your oldest son say, "Mom, I know my dad is my dad, but I don't respect him and it feels weird that I feel that I am wiser than him ... and he is my dad", well it breaks your heart and brings you so low to know that my boys are being deprived of one of the most important relationships they will ever have. But to have your children walk over to give you a hug, to hear them say I love you mom, that can wash all the doubt away that I am doing my best and that we are going to live life to the fullest with all the blessings that we have.

My heart goes out to the thousands of single parents out there who wake up every day and take on this role many times with little or no support and difficult circumstances. But they do it because of the unimaginable love they have for their children.

Kelly, Louisiana

The Love and Sacrifices of a Single Mom

I am a 32 year old single mother of a beautiful thirteen year old daughter. She is my whole world. Without her I would have given up on this crazy life a long time ago. I was two thirds of the way through my senior year of high school and had just lost my Grandmother when I found out I was pregnant. I couldnt help but think what would she think of me. I was terrified to tell my Dad and brother. But being the great men that they are they didn't judge me. Instead my Dad said "She'll just have to stay with us and let us take care of her." My brother was there to help in any way that he could. I think it took awhile for my Mom to accept that her baby was having a baby but she was there no matter what.

My daughter's Dad was pretty well useless from the time I found out. He wanted to boss me and tell me what to do with her but offered no support what so ever. I was bullied into putting his name on her birth certificate. I just sat in my hospital room and cried. Because I knew that it tied her to him and his family forever. But not even he could take away my joy. From the time I layed eyes on my daughter I was hopelessly in love. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, with her jet black wavy hair and perfect skin. She was flawless. I knew we had a hard road ahead but I knew I would do whatever it took to protect her. I knew with the Lord's help and my family we were going to be okay.

Her dad was only in our lives until she was 18 months old. Then he did something horrible and was sent to prison. Thankfully afterwards contact with his family also ceased. Now at the age of thirteen I could not ask for a better child. She is a dedicated christian. She has been in Church since she was a week old and got saved over two years ago. She loves school. And she is filled with so much love and compassion for other people and also animals. She wants to help everyone. She would take in every homeless baby, elderly person and pet if it were possible.

I have to work 10 hour shifts so we don't get to spend a whole lot of time together. No matter how old she gets some days it kills me to leave her. She stays home with my parents whom we have lived with since she was born. But the time I get to spend with her I cherish it. Time goes by way too fast. It seems like time has fast forwarded from the time she was a toddler to now. I look at this amazing young woman she has become and it literally takes my breath away.

I am one proud, single Mom. Don't get me wrong I would have loved for her to have a two parent home but between the Lord, myself, my parents, and my brother and sister-in-law she has had an abundance of love. She looks at her Papaw(my Dad) as her father figure. He does everything and more that a Dad would do. And she worships her Uncle. You couldn't get her to admit that but she doesn't have to. It is so obvious.

It's not been an easy road nor will it ever be but I would not trade being a mother to my daughter for all the relationships in the world. I have and will continue to make mistakes. I might discipline too much one time and not enough the next time but she knows through it all that I love her and want what's best for her. We argue like every parent and child but there is a respect barrier there that she does not cross. Not only are we Mother and daughter we are each other's best friend and I thank the Lord every day for my precious gift.

Tonia, USA

My Story

Hello everyone. My name is Ken, and I had absolutely no idea this website even existed until tonight. I have been corresponding with a fellow single parent on the about.com site, and she linked me to singleparentstown.com. After having checked it out, I knew I had to tell my story.

On December 4, 2010, my wonderful wife of 15 years, Tricia, died suddenly at the age of 36. I am now a widowed parent of 2 daughters, age 13 and 11. Their strength has been nothing short of remarkable, and it has given me the strength to face each day.

Tricia was much more than my wife - she was my best friend, my lover, the mother of our children and a shoulder to lean on in tough times. I hope I was the same for her. She instilled in our girls the independent spirit that they both have. Her health was never good - she was diagnosed with Crohn's disease in 1994 and it may have led to the internal bleeding which caused her death - but her mind was always sharp. She loved a good argument and would even argue with me if I took her point of view on something.

I believe she knew she would not have much time in this life, so she prepared us as best she could. While that doesn't make it any easier to take, I do believe in a higher power and I know she's not in any more pain.

Everything I have read about how things change when you're suddenly a single parent - it's all true. You, as the sole parent, have to be both mother and father. You have to make sure they're emotionally and physically OK, that they're keeping up their grades in school, that they're eating right and doing their chores (this last one is the hardest!). But this doesn't leave a lot of time for you as the sole parent, to be you, the human being. Many is the time I've fallen asleep wherever I was sitting - my girls, God bless them, they mean well by waking me up, but I wish they'd let me sleep - and as well, many is the time I've awakened way too early and can't get back to sleep. That's the physical toll. The emotional one is harder.

We actually got through Christmas quite well, I thought. So many of our family and friends had seen us in the week leading up to, and the day of, the funeral that Christmas itself was quiet - which is what I wanted and what we needed. We had wrapped all of Tricia's presents and we each took turns unwrapping them. Then we made Christmas dinner together. But I am not looking forward to Valentine's Day at all. I've had people suggest I do something special with the girls - but I'm allergic to flowers, my youngest doesn't eat chocolate, and my oldest doesn't like to eat at restaurants (except Subway) - and my oldest has dance classes from 4:30 - 7:30 on Mondays anyway. So the only way I can deal with that day is to treat it like any other Monday. And try to avoid those who are married or in a relationship, which is 99% of the people I know.

The worst part is the evenings. My girls entertain themselves by playing on the Wii if there are no "good" shows on TV, which puts me online. You can only be alone with your thoughts for so long. I call it deafening silence. I miss the simple things - sitting on the couch together, talking about everything in general or nothing at all, knowing when you go to bed that the one next to you will be there when you get up.

I'm a survivor - I've been laid off twice, been through a bankruptcy and a bout with depression, and I'll get through this too. One day at a time...

I'd be interested in hearing from other widowed parents - how you've been dealing with it on an emotional level, how you're handling the physical exhaustion, and how your children are dealing with it.

Trying to keep a positive outlook...

Ken, from British Columbia

Thank You

Hello my name is Lindsay and I am a single mother of three who just recently moved to my mother's home with my kids. Due to non-payment of child support and me not dealing effectively with my fiances. Recently I have been having health problems. But I look at your website everyday and read the positive information and pray that God will see me through another email. Another day that I will make it through with prayer and support. Thank you.

Anonymous, USA

Thank You for What You Have Done and Are Doing

Bill, just wanted to thank you for what you have done and are doing. I found out about you through a friend at my 30th High School reunion. When I told her about my current situation, she said I should check out your website. What a great place, I've been receiving the newsletter for 5 months now and enjoy the blogs and use the meals section and menus quite a bit. By the way your story and mine are almost mirror images. I have 6 year old twins,Calvin and Cassidy. They are the best thing to happen to me in all my 48years. My wife didn't pass(sorry for your loss) she now resides at her most recent rehab (8 total) sober for 6 months and is now employed in Ft. Collins and see the kids when she can every other week or so. Just wanted to give you an Atta A Boy, keep up the good work.

Dave, from Denver

Happy to Know There Are Good Dads Out There

We just wanted to let you know how happy I am to know that there are dads like you out around. You see, our dad is one of those deadbeat ones. I, Winter, was only four years old when he left us. My two younger brothers, Baylen and Dakota, were only two and three months old. He has never made an effort to have anything to do with us. We only see him once a year when we go to our grandmother's house for Christmas, and when we do see him, it is very awkward because we are now 18,16,and 14. He always has his second wife around and his two new kids, who are both not even five yet. He treats us like a buddy rather than a daughter or a son. He is all about his two other kids, and we are just not in the picture - we have never been. And everybody on his side of the family pushes us to accept it. How dare they? We can, however, say happily that our mother has stuck with us and raised us all on her own. Our mother is a good person all the way through and has always tried her best to get our dad to have even just a little to do with us. Until today, we had no idea that there were any good dads out there.

Anonymous, USA

Thank you Bill

Bill I wanted to extend a heartfelt thank you to you and those who are already sharing your site. I found your site quite by accident as I was searching the net for anything that could help my situation. I found your story and others who have written in very inspirational. I myself am a WIDOWED Dad 44 of three small girls 8,4,2. I lost my wife and love of my life last year in a MVA, and have spent the last 11 months in a real state of confusion, frustration, disarray (Hell). As I was thrown in to a real tail spin mentally, physically and financially due to this profound loss. I have devoted most of my time trying to get myself and the children back on track and have been struggling to get our lives normalized as much as possible. But everyday has been a struggle. I found inspiration in your words and of the other members who have also been down this road.

But the most poignant thing that you said that struck home (True) is once you get your head out of the obligation mind set and look at the situation as a blessing, things will become easier. I fully agree that a single father's mind set is the cornerstone of how and where things will be when raising their children.

Again I want to thank you for putting up this site. It is helping me more than you can know as the struggles of everyday existence and the challenges of raising three young children have really worn me down.

You're a good man Bill and God Bless you and your family.

Dave, from British Columbia

Don't Make The Same Mistakes I Did

I am happy to see a single dad taking time to try to help other single dads. I would like to share my story with you in the hope that you can pass it on and help other men from making the same mistakes I did.

I was married many years ago and one of the results was the highlight of my life my daughter Emily! Oh how I loved her so, still do! When she was 9 my wife left me and my daughter for another man. Just up and left one day, no advanced notice, no nothing!! She chose not to play a part in either of our lives. My daughter still does not have a relationship with her to this day. I still struggle to understand what I did so wrong to have her leave us the way that she did. I will be baffled forever on that one!

So there you go - me and my daughter to raise alone! Shock at first and then it became our lifestyle, it had to be. I started dating. I don't mean to brag but I had once been quite the ladies man, but always kept them from my daughter. I figured at the time it was a separate life for me and I did not want to engage the two ...until Maggie. Maggie blew my socks clean off!! Talk about beauty and brains, she was the whole package!! It took awhile but I finally brought my two worlds together and my daughter and Maggie met. Everything was good for awhile but you see Emily was not used to sharing my attention and that caused problems with my relationship with Maggie. Two years went by as Maggie waited patiently by my side as I knew we would be married, I just needed the perfect time. That "perfect" time never came. I continually put my daughter's needs above everything else and quite honestly took advantage of Maggies patience and good nature. I knew she would wait for me until I felt things were perfect and Emily was ready. Boy did I make a mistake. She didn't! One day she came to me and said she would not wait anymore and she left. My heart broke in a million pieces. I wish I knew back then the damage that I was doing to my daughter. I really thought that I was doing the right thing? I now realize what I have created. Emily is now 26 already gone through a divorce. Her ex says she is impossible to live with if she doesn't get her way. I gave her all the attention in the world as a child. I took her everywhere she wanted to go and bought her nice things. OK I spoiled her but she was my only child and #1 in my life. I didn't realize that I was actually doing more damage than good all those years. Now Emily struggles in relationships because she has become so difficult. She used to be such a sweet little girl.

I lost the love of my life that I will never recover from, and all because I didn't get it?? I was supposed to "parent" her. Teach her to have a wonderful family of her own. Now I see her twice a week and talk often on the phone. We have a great relationship, don't get me wrong. We just don't have great relationships with other people the way we should. Since then, I got lonely and finally remarried. She is a good woman and I will stand by her side, but she wasn't the one. I lost the "one" a long time ago. I will love her until the day that I die, and not a day goes by that I don't regret the choices I made so long ago.

My advice is that if you are fortunate enough in life to find your true love, hold on to it, cherish it, work at it! Don't lose it because of a child you have to care for. A good person around will only enrich their lives. Set an example for you kids or you may be paying for your mistakes for the rest of your life!

Steve, from Ohio