Are You A Single Parent Because Of Abuse?

 Posted by Bill on August 21, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  3 Responses »
Aug 212011
 

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.”

I was recently asked to write an article about becoming a single parent due to addiction or abuse. I guess that sometimes I forget that so many of us become single parents, not because we chose to and not because our marriage just didn’t work out, but because of addictions and abuse. Since I fall into the first category, single due to an addiction, I thought that I would try and understand what it truly means to become a single parent due to abuse.

Although I have lived this life, I still wanted to make sure that I had my basis and facts covered. The first thing that I did was go to the Internets all knowing dictionary, Wikipedia. Each time I go there I have the benefit viewing a page or two of relative information. Not much, but enough to get me up to speed on what it is I am trying to understand. This week I looked up the word “Abuse”. OMG (That’s text for those of you who don’t have teenagers which means OH MY GOD) There was page, after page, after page of definitions. Child abuse, dating abuse, addiction abuse, abuse of power and the big one domestic abuse. The definition ofdomestic abuse is described below: Continue reading »

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Being A Dad Was The Worst Decision Of My Life…

 Posted by Bill on July 31, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Jul 312011
 

Seriously being a DAD was the worst decision of my life. How could I be so dumb? How could I have not seen it coming? How did I ever get myself into this? Being a DAD was the worst decision of my life! There were so many other paths I could have chosen. There were so many other decisions I could have made and should have made. What was I thinking? Obviously my attitude about it failed me, obviously my decision making was skewed, why was I in denial when I had always seemed to of made good decisions in the past? Being a DAD was the worst decision of my life.

Prior to being a DAD my life was great. My business was booming, my relationships were phenomenal, my attitude was authentic, my outlook was positive, my life was darn near perfect, and then it happened, I became a DAD. What made it worst is that I have become a DAD more than once in my life. You would think that after becoming a DAD once I would have learned, but no, not me, I had to become a DAD again. What was I thinking? I knew that I hated being a DAD but I did it again. As I look back on my life I wish more than anything else I had never ever become a DAD. Being a DAD was the worst thing that I ever did.

Now before you all start worrying about my children let me explain to you what being a DAD is all about. Here you go… First being a DAD has nothing to do with being a parent, a father or a hero to your kids. Being a DAD is a state of mind that each and every one of us has fallen into at one time or another in our lives. It is a state of mind that will affect you like nothing before. It is a state of mind that will cause you pain and anger. It is a state of mind that will bring you unhappiness for the rest of your life if you stay in it. Each and eveytime I have become a DAD (and yes I have done it more than once) I have suffered the consequences. The good news is I am going to let you know what it is, so that you don’t make the same mistakes, so that you can live a happy life, a life filled with enlightenment, success and hope. Are you ready for the secret? Continue reading »

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I Am So Glad Summer Is Winding Down

 Posted by Bill on July 25, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting, Uncategorized  1 Response »
Jul 252011
 

It’s funny how when we are young we hope that summer never ends, but once we are parents we can’t wait until it does? Now I’m not saying that summer isn’t the greatest time of the year for all of us, but I for one am ready for it to end. As a single dad summer is that one time of the year when my kids have way to much free time on their hands, and since one of them doesn’t drive, that means I am on call throughout the day. I never have wanted my kids not to be able to get to their friends or go places that they enjoy, but my daughter needs to learn that I am in the mortgage business, not a driver for the local cab service.

Again summer is a great time of year for all of us, but I really am looking forward to getting back to some sort of structure. Granted my daughter has been on a world wide tour this summer that mirrors U-2′s, but she still is very active, which makes me very crazy. Oh how I long for the upcoming school days and some sort of structure again. My son on the other hand is easy. He sleeps in until after lunch, that is on the days he is not working, and has his own car. He is what you would call low maintenance. My daughter on the other hand is calling my by 9:00 am each morning with that same line, “I am soooo bored, there is nothing to do”. Funny how when I list the chores that need to be done she isn’t quite as bored anymore. Oh how I long for the upcoming school days and some sort of structure again.

I guess that I really shouldn’t complain though. It wasn’t that long ago that I had to constantly find things for them to do, places to drop them off at (all of which cost me money), or sitters to watch them.  I also believe that summer is a great way for the kids to create memories of a lifetime, recharge their batteries and remind me what it is like to still be young at heart. Summer is also a great time for all of us to warm ourselves with love, family and independence but again, Oh how I long for the upcoming school days and some sort of structure again. Continue reading »

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How Not To Lose Your Cool as a Single Parent

 Posted by Lisa on July 15, 2011  Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Jul 152011
 

When you are a single parent day in and day out there is no other in the adult to run interference for you. No one to come in and save the day. You can learn to save you own day and not lose your cool. Here are some suggestions:

1. Know Your Limits and Obey Them: frequently when we lose our cool as single parents it is because we have crossed the line and pushed ourselves too far. What are your limits? Are you most stressed if you are tired? Hungry? Financially Strapped? Continue reading »

Is It Bad Not To Miss Your Kids?

 Posted by Bill on July 11, 2011  General, Getting Your New Life In Order, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Jul 112011
 

This Wednesday I will be headed up to Montana to visit my family see friends and retrieve my daughter who has spent the better part of the summer there. I am excited to see my family, hang out at the lake, have fun and oh ya, see my daughter again. Michaela has been there since early June. I know that based upon the three calls she has made to me that she is having a great time. Yes three calls… You see it’s not that she doesn’t love me, or that I don’t love her, but sometimes in life you just need a break from your kids. Now I am sure that many of you are saying the exact same thing “Boy do I need a break from my kids”. It’s natural to need some free time to yourself, to get away and to recharge our batteries, but is it alright not to miss your kids? In my case the answer is yes:) I love my daughter to death, with all of my heart, with all of my soul and with all of my mind, but honestly I just don’t miss her all that much.

Now before you start to say “What kind of a father are you Bill not to miss one of your babies” let me give you a few reasons:

1. She is a 14 year old girl. If you have ever had one of those you will totally understand what I am saying here.  Continue reading »

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A Parents Job Description…

 Posted by Bill on June 20, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Jun 202011
 

Since it is Monday and the new week is upon us, I thought that I would share with you a job description that a friend of mine recently shared with me. I have posted this blog once before but believe that it it is worth repeating. I hope that it brings a smile to your face and starts your weekend off on the right foot. It is hilarious and something we can all relate to.

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Continue reading »

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Would You Let Your Daughter Drive At 14 Years Old?

 Posted by Bill on June 5, 2011  General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Jun 052011
 

In the State of Colorado, the law states that in order to operate a motor vehicle, you must first attend a week long course from an accredited driving school, as well as complete a driver education course consisting of behind the wheel training. I think that most would agree that this law is a good idea.

Luckily for my kids, I have not always lived by that belief, at least not 100%. Now before you rush to the phone to call the police on me please allow me to explain. You see my belief that kids (under the right circumstances) should be allowed to learn how to drive at 14 was ingrained into me at a young age. Growing up in Butte, Montana as one of five kids, you have a tendency to do things a little different. My friends and I would drive ourselves to drivers education and park a few blocks away so that we didn’t get caught. Now it’s not that I took the car without my parents permission, they just threw me the keys and said “don’t get caught”. Now, when you grow up in a smaller town, you have a tendency to know most everyone. I am sure that on more than one occasion I passed a cop who knew that I wasn’t 16 yet, but really didn’t care. I’m sure that he learned to drive the exact same way. In fact, it’s a true story is that when my mom was growing up, she used to get driven to the ski resort outside of town by Sheila Penaluna all the time. Oh, by the way did I mention that Sheila was 12 when she drove them? Go figure. Seriously, growing up in Butte is a little different, as anyone from Montana will attest too. So when it came time to get my kids ready for drivers education I did what came naturally, I put them in the car at 14 and said “let’s drive”.

Now Jack was easy. I really didn’t worry about his ability too much. Maybe it was because he was a boy, or maybe it was because he had a small battery operated jeep as a kid. It could have been the fact that he was quite accomplished at racing cars on his video game. I don’t really know why, all that I did know was that teaching him to drive was really not much of a worry to me. The first day I took him over to the streets of an undeveloped commercial project  put him in the drivers seat and said lets go. He took to it like a southern boy to a NASCAR race. Now he is 17 and cruising all over the place in his 2000 GT Mustang, has had no accidents and only three tickets to show for it. I am so proud:) Continue reading »

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