A Letter To Sara, My Deceased Ex. Wife

 Posted by Bill on December 6, 2010  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Taking Time for Yourself, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting  15 Responses »
Dec 062010
 

Dear Sara;

It’s been almost three and a half years since you passed away, five years since we divorced and seven years since you left me to be a sole parent to Jack and Michaela. I figured that maybe now we should talk again. First let me update you on the kids.

Jack for the most part is doing great. He has friends that love him, a personality that you would cherish and and a stubbornness that you would respect. He is peaceful in his spirit, smart in his thinking but like you he occasionally plays the victim.  If God didn’t tell you he had the 30th highest score on his high school entrance exam, out of 425 kids. He gets that from you Sara. Unfortunately school seems to bore him and thus his GPA is around a 2.something (he gets that from me). He is 5’7 1/2 ” and is committed to joining the US Army Rangers when he gets out of high school. I really want him to attend college but he is adamant that his calling is with the Rangers. I know that it is not what either of us would have chosen for him but I will support him all the way. I am actually very proud of him because how many 16 year olds are there that know exactly what they want to do with their life.  I am so proud of him and you would be as well.

He is like you in so many ways Sara, but he is still so angry with you. I know that he won’t admit it to me but he misses you dearly. He needed a mom in his life to hold him when he felt sad, to comfort him when he was sick and to talk to him like only a mom can do. I worry about him because he has not had that female influence around since you died. I know that he is strong, but it’s one thing for me to know this, and totally another to understand it. Now that he is 16 I worry that I can’t help him anymore. I remind him daily of all the wonderful traits he inherited from you and how much you loved him, but I know that he tunes it out. Don’t worry though, I know deep down in my heart that he loves you with all his heart, and will one day make us both very proud. Continue reading »

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I Survived My First “Black Friday”, Barely…

 Posted by Bill on November 29, 2010  How to Communicate with Your Kids, Organizing, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Single Entrepreneur Mom, Taking Time for Yourself, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting  1 Response »
Nov 292010
 

When I was a child “Black Friday” represented that time each night, when the lights went out, and I had to go to bed. When I was in high school “Black Friday” represented the day that my report card came home ( I was a 2.something GPA kid). When I was in my twenty’s “Black Friday” represented the next day at work, after coming in from the night before at 1:30 am. Now that I am a dad to a fourteen year old “Black Friday” has taken on a  brand new meaning.

Last week my daughter asked me if  I would go to “Black Friday” with her? Why not, I don’t mind getting up at 6:30 a.m. to spend some quality time with Michaela. Then she informed me that we would be getting up at 4:00 a.m. What? “Only the crazy people get up at 4:00 a.m. to shop” I said. “No way Dad”, in order to get the best deals we need to be there no later than 4:20. “Alright honey lets do it” I said.

Well Friday morning came and Michaela handed me a folder detailing our agenda for the day. She had every store that we would be going to listed, coupons for each store, what I was required to get at each store, and believe it or not, the floor plan of each store. Needless to say she is a bit organized. We started out at Super Target. My first thought was who in their right mind would go to Super Target at 4:00 am. Don’t most “Black Friday” shoppers go to the mall or some electronics store? At least those are the videos I see each year on TV of the the ensuing chaos that accompanies “Black Friday”. How wrong was I? When we arrived at 4:20 a.m. there was not one shopping cart left in the entire store. Luckily for me my only job was to find the “Vampire Diaries Collection” at 75% off.  Fortunately, this did not require a shopping cart. Unfortunately, Michael’s list did require a shopping cart, so there I am at 4:35 a.m. following shoppers out to their car to get their cart from them and head back in to meet Michaela. One thing that I learned about shoppers on “Black Friday” is that, although they may show up in slippers and PJ’s, do not underestimate their resolve. There is nothing scarier than a woman hopped up on coffee and Red Bull, coupon’s in hand, and a shopping cart without brakes headed right for you. I can personally attest to the fact ,that you are best served to stay out of the thier way,  and concede the last I-Pod to them. If you don’t, I guarantee that  you are going to get ran over. Continue reading »

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I Feel Bad For Two Parent Households

 Posted by Bill on November 8, 2010  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Organizing, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Single Entrepreneur Mom, Taking Time for Yourself, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting, Uncategorized  8 Responses »
Nov 082010
 

OK now that I have your attention let me explain. For years, all I have heard is how tough it is for the single parent. How we have to do it all on our own. How we have no one to help. How we have so little time for ourselves and so much work. How our kids will be effected because they are being raised by a single parent. How sad it is. Well let me inform you all of one thing, I feel blessed to be raising my kids on my own. Oh sure it would be nice to have some extra help and a little more free time every now and then, but that’s life. As the saying goes “Stuff happens”. Get over it…  Stuff happens in every household. Below is a list of “stuff” that I, and only I, get to experience as a single parent.

  1. I’m on call 24/7. I like that, as it gives me a sense of purpose
  2. When the kids got hurt I got to kiss every boo-boo.
  3. I recognize fully that my children are uniquely gifted and valuable individuals because I get to watch it happen each and every day.
  4. I get to plan every birthday party and get 100% of the credit. This too gives me a sense of purpose.
  5. I get to create a warm and loving home, all by myself.
  6. I’m the one they call when they are sick at school.
  7. I’m also the one who misses work to take care of them.
  8. I get to teach them the value of friendships.
  9. I get to help them make good decisions on a daily basis, or at least watch as they lean from their bad decisions.
  10. I am the one that gets to take them school cloths shopping every time.
  11. I know everything about their medical and school records.
  12. The report cards always come to me.
  13. I am the only one that has to live by my decisions as a parent
  14. No ones tells me, “You should spend more time with the kids”.
  15. I know the difference between “wants” and “needs”.
  16. I get to teach my children how to be responsible for themselves.
  17. I have to demonstrate resilience and determination every day.
  18. Your kids know they’re loved.
  19. Your kids are proud of you, too.

You see there are really so many benefits to being a single parent. Am I exhausted at times? Sure I am, but it is a good exhaustion. Do I miss having extra free time? Sure I do, but on the flip side, I get too spend more time with my kids? Do I wish that I had more help? Definitely, but there is no greater satisfaction than knowing I am totally responsible for the kids. Do I have a fear that I may do something wrong? Yes I do, but fear is a great motivator. It motivates me to keep a smile on my face, hope in my heart and a belief that someday when my kids are older, they are going to say those four words to me and only me, that will bring me to my knees. Continue reading »

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Please! Enough With The Family Stick Men On Your Rear Window!

 Posted by Bill on October 18, 2010  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Organizing, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Taking Time for Yourself, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting, Uncategorized  4 Responses »
Oct 182010
 

As a single dad I am very happy to have what some would perceive to be a “small family”. Two children, one dog, one cat, and yes the pets are part of our family. What I am not happy with is having to pull up behind some car with more stick men characters than I care to count. You know the ones that I am talking about. The dad, the mom, four kids, three dogs, two cats and a bunch of fish.

What is it about these people that make them think I really care about how many kids they have, let alone how many pets. Do I really care that you have Fido and Kitty on board? No I don’t. Continue reading »

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3 tips from “Kickin’ Butt as a Single Parent-99 Tips That Every Single Parent Must Have”

 Posted by Bill on September 24, 2010  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Organizing, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Taking Time for Yourself, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Sep 242010
 

I wanted to share with you today three tips form my new book “Kickin’ Butt as a Single Parent-99 Tips That Every Single Parent Must Have”. I believe that these tips will help empower you as a parent to succeed like never before. I would love to hear back from you what tips have helped you over the years. Have a great weekend my friends…

 Tip 1: Create a personal song list.

This tip was one best things I ever did for myself. I made a list of my all-time favorite songs; the songs that meant the most to me in my past. Once I did this, I had a CD created with each song, and then downloaded it on to my I-Pod. Continue reading »

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10 Things That I Just Love!

 Posted by Bill on September 17, 2010  Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Taking Time for Yourself, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Sep 172010
 

God knows that being a single parent has its challenges. I so often feel like the guy who showed up for a doubles match in tennis, only to find out that his partner couldn’t make it. You better be quick on your feet and anticipate the next move if you are going to be successful.

I have written before that, in my opinion, the most difficult part of being a single parent is finding the time to get everything done. We love our children, and hopefully we are there for them. But too often we neglect our own needs in the process. I may not always be able to control my free time, but there are certain things that I can control. I have come up with a list of ten things that just make me feel good. The list is in no particular order. I hope that it will provide you with the inspiration you may need to just feel good.

  1. Listening to my kids talk about their day. I mean really listening. Face to face, eye to eye and without distractions.
  2. Getting up at 4:30 a.m. and working out.
  3. Grounding my son when he doesn’t turn in his homework. This one really makes me feel good.
  4. Braiding my daughter’s hair.
  5. Reminding my kids of how much their mother loved them, and of all the wonderful qualities they received from her.
  6. Doing something for the less fortunate on the spur of the moment.
  7. Telling my kids that I love them.
  8. Allowing them to fail and then watching with pride as they learn from it.
  9. Going to church and thanking God for this gift that he has given me.
  10. Calling an old friend just to say hi.

    11. Continue reading »

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The Kids Were Gone For Three Weeks and I Didn’t Miss Them

 Posted by Bill on July 16, 2010  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Taking Time for Yourself, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Jul 162010
 

Well Jack and Michaela made their annual trek to Montana this summer to see their grandparents, cousins, aunt and uncles. I for the first time didn’t because I had to really focus on finishing my book “Kickin’ Butt a a Single Parent” 99 Tips Every Single Parent Must Have (available August 12th) and making a living in this difficult economy. Michaela was going to be gone for three weeks and Jack for 12 days. I have been without the kids before, but never this long. When you raise your kids 24/7 you become a close knit group. Sometimes this is good and well, sometimes this is not so good. We all have a tendency to get on each others nerves every now and then but always seem to work through it.

I have to tell you that after the first day I really didn’t miss them so much. I wondered if I should feel guilty about this or if i was just going through some sort of delayed separation syndrome. By the 5th day I still didn’t miss them. This is getting interesting now. By the 10th day I was considering asking my parents if they could stay another three weeks and you know what, I didn’t feel guilty at all:)

It’s interesting that no matter how much I love and enjoy my kids, I was really enjoying being away from them. I think that we all need some “Me Time” every once in awhile to recharge our batteries. We all need a break from our kids, and our kids need a break from us. I just hope that next summer they understand that as I send them off for eight weeks:)

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