“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.”

I was recently asked to write an article about becoming a single parent due to addiction or abuse. I guess that sometimes I forget that so many of us become single parents, not because we chose to and not because our marriage just didn’t work out, but because of addictions and abuse. Since I fall into the first category, single due to an addiction, I thought that I would try and understand what it truly means to become a single parent due to abuse.

Although I have lived this life, I still wanted to make sure that I had my basis and facts covered. The first thing that I did was go to the Internets all knowing dictionary, Wikipedia. Each time I go there I have the benefit viewing a page or two of relative information. Not much, but enough to get me up to speed on what it is I am trying to understand. This week I looked up the word “Abuse”. OMG (That’s text for those of you who don’t have teenagers which means OH MY GOD) There was page, after page, after page of definitions. Child abuse, dating abuse, addiction abuse, abuse of power and the big one domestic abuse. The definition ofdomestic abuse is described below: Continue reading »

 

It’s funny how when we are young we hope that summer never ends, but once we are parents we can’t wait until it does? Now I’m not saying that summer isn’t the greatest time of the year for all of us, but I for one am ready for it to end. As a single dad summer is that one time of the year when my kids have way to much free time on their hands, and since one of them doesn’t drive, that means I am on call throughout the day. I never have wanted my kids not to be able to get to their friends or go places that they enjoy, but my daughter needs to learn that I am in the mortgage business, not a driver for the local cab service.

Again summer is a great time of year for all of us, but I really am looking forward to getting back to some sort of structure. Granted my daughter has been on a world wide tour this summer that mirrors U-2′s, but she still is very active, which makes me very crazy. Oh how I long for the upcoming school days and some sort of structure again. My son on the other hand is easy. He sleeps in until after lunch, that is on the days he is not working, and has his own car. He is what you would call low maintenance. My daughter on the other hand is calling my by 9:00 am each morning with that same line, “I am soooo bored, there is nothing to do”. Funny how when I list the chores that need to be done she isn’t quite as bored anymore. Oh how I long for the upcoming school days and some sort of structure again.

I guess that I really shouldn’t complain though. It wasn’t that long ago that I had to constantly find things for them to do, places to drop them off at (all of which cost me money), or sitters to watch them.  I also believe that summer is a great way for the kids to create memories of a lifetime, recharge their batteries and remind me what it is like to still be young at heart. Summer is also a great time for all of us to warm ourselves with love, family and independence but again, Oh how I long for the upcoming school days and some sort of structure again. Continue reading »

 

I have a friend of mine who is an amazing single mother. She is always present for her children, but like so many of us single parents, not sure if she is getting through to her kids. Earlier this week she shared with me a “Creed” that her daughter wrote in school. What makes this letter so amazing is that over the years this beautiful young lady has been through allot. She has experienced the death of a sister, the divorce of her parents and a move to a new home. For all of us that worry about how our kids deal with life changing experiences, never forget that kids are very resilient, especially when we as parents are there for them.

 My Creed

I believe in sunsets and watching the stars Continue reading »

 

I know that each one of my children is a gift from God. I also know that as a parent, it is my job to build a foundation that one day will allow them to spread their wings and soar, to fly without fear, to fly with confidence and to fly in the direction that their heart takes them. I have always supported my kids in whatever sport, event, hobby and challenge they have faced. I love them unconditionally and without judgment. I love them for their uniqueness and their differences. I love them for who they are and what they are not. I love them for being them.

Have you ever noticed how people tend to describe their children, as well as others, by mentioning only a few of their many amazing qualities? They say things like; Tommy is such a great athlete, or Suzy is such a good student, or Mary is an amazing dancer, or Joey is a wonderful musician. I’m not immune form this. People always seem to describe my daughter Michaela as, beautiful with amazing blue eyes and a good soccer player. I agree with both of these descriptions but I also describe her as a protector of the underdog, a determined young lady, and one who has a heart of gold. People always seem to describe my son Jack as handsome, witty and smart. Again I agree with all of these assessments, but I also describe him as independent, headstrong and a young man who can do anything, and I mean anything, that he sets his mind too.

Ever since Jack was young I have had this gut feeling that he was going to truly do “something special” in this world. Since he is witty and charming, stubborn and independent and very intelligent (he had the 30th highest score out of 400 kids on his high school entrance exam) I always thought that he might become a doctor, a lawyer, or a successful entrepreneur. I really didn’t care which career he chose, although with the cost of med school being what it is,I was hoping that option three would be the last of his choices. All that I really ever wanted for Jack was for him to reach his full potential, and do that “special thing” that I have always believed in my gut he was destined to do. Continue reading »

 

Today I want to challenge each and everyone of you with my blog. I want to challenge you to be brutally honest with yourself and ask yourself just one question “Are you in Denial?”. I will bet that the majority of you will emphatically answer NO. I’m not in denial, I fully accept what has gone on in my life, what is going on in my life and why it has all happened, I have no regrets… But I will say to you right now that you ARE in denial, you just don’t know it yet. First let’s understand what denial is.

Webster’s Dictionary defines Denial as:

Refusal to admit the truth or reality (as of a statement or charge) (2) : assertion that an allegation is false. Continue reading »

 

 

By Will McCormick Guest Blogger

I come from a long line of folks who take the biblical principle “spare the rod, spoil the child” to heart. My children’s mother was raised the same. Growing up in the deep South in strong Southern Baptist families will teach at an early age the consequences of poor decisions. I know first hand (switch and belt) what comedians mean when joking that growing up the entire neighborhood raised a child, and applied liberal discipline in the form of a swatting. Usually, your behind was so numb by the time you got home that your parents really were not going to do much more damage when their turn rolled around. Honestly, I had good parents, and I really can only remember a few spankings growing up. By most accounts, both of my kid’s parents turned out just fine. So it should come as no surprise that we decided when expecting our first child that we were going to spank our kids as a form of discipline.

A funny thing happened on the way to a spanking.

Michael was two years old when his brother Mathew entered this world. He had endured a long day of waiting at the hospital with extended family. We had decided that I would take him home to try to keep things as normal as possible for Michael while his mother and new brother rested in the hospital. I am not quite sure how much sugar he was given while in the care of others, but picture Taz on Starbucks. I could not get him to stay in his bed. Continue reading »

 

“With everything that happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” Wayne Dyer

Over the years I have reflected back on this quote on more than one occasion. I have even sometimes wondered if the author was a single parent. During the the past eight years I have been through living with an addictive wife, a broken marriage, interventions, rehab. centers, a separation, a divorce, the death of my children’s mother, the death of their grandmother, the executor of two estates, an IRS audit (which I won), a failing business, the meltdown of my investments in the stock market, a depreciating home value, raising my children on my own 24/7, dealing with their grief, anxiety and fear issues while wondering when, or if, it will ever stop? So again I say to myself:

“With everything that happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” Continue reading »