Parenting is difficult.  Period.  You can read every book and implement every rule your parents swore to you would work and you will still have questions!  As wonderful as my kids are turning out, I can tell you there have been dark days, when I was frustrated, hurt, angry, and concerned that I had not made good parenting choices.  Any parent who is being honest would say the same.  So, if even the most seasoned parents admit to struggling, how is it that we do this thing successfully? 

Well, first, there are several things that are what I considered to be “negotiables” in your parenting style, e.g. to spank or not spank, bedtimes, allowances, etc.  However, I believe there are also some “non-negotiables”, some of which you have read here at Single Parents Town, so feel free to view some of my other parenting blog post at http://www.singleparentstown.com/blog/author/jennifer/.

DISCIPLINE: Continue reading »

 

     I am often asked “How can I possibly survive single parenting?” or some variation of that question.  While situations vary immensely and I do not pretend to walk in each of your shoes, one thing is for certain.  Serving others is an easy way to get your mind off your own circumstances and a great way to teach your children.  Whether you decide to wash the car of an elderly neighbor, mow another’s lawn, bake a cake for the local nursing home, or 100s of other ideas, this is surely a way to teach your children the value of service.

     You may think your current situation is impossible, whether it be finances, emotional instability, or exhaustion.  I challenge you to bring your children to the local homeless shelter and begin developing relationships with homeless men and women in your community.  Hear their stories of hardship.  It will humble you, for sure.  The same is true for the local Boys & Girls Club, battered women’s shelters, and other non-profit organizations.  There are hurting people everywhere.

     It is interesting that as we begin to serve others, looking outside ourselves and our circumstances,  we begin to gain new perspective and our problems do not seem quite as significant.  What a lesson to teach our children! Continue reading »

 

We are told from the time we are born that what is most important is on the inside.  “Pretty is as pretty does.”  I can remember an older relative saying to me.  But, if that is true, why is it also that we hear from such a young age, “Isn’t she beautiful?  Look at those gorgeous brown eyes!” 

We recently held a Night of Beauty at our local church for single moms.  We had hundreds to show up and receive free hand treatments, makeovers, spa gift certificates, and free high-end perfume.  We also prepared a free meal and childcare for the event.  It was truly a blessing for many of the women.  And although we were pampering their outside appearances, we were able to tie in an important message about true beauty.

I”ll share just a few simple thoughts here.  Continue reading »

 

 This is one of my favorite pics of my youngest and me. She is now four years old and we had the cutest conversation the other day.  She was looking at our wedding pictures and she asked, “Momma, where am I?”

“You weren’t there. You weren’t born yet.”  I replied. She had a very hard time with the concept of not being born yet.

“Was I in your tummy?”  She asked. Continue reading »

 

 Finances is one of the leading causes of divorce.  It keeps us up at night.  It destroys friendships and relationships.  27% of single parents live in poverty.  Managing finances as a single parent can be tough for even the most diligent budgeter.  I spent almost ten years in Corporate America and specialized in financial counseling.  I wanted to share a few quick, practical tips here.  I will break this up into a series over a few weeks, because I don’t want to give too much info at once, but here are the first few:

  • Budget! Budget! Budget!  One of the most difficult things for most families that are transitioning from a two-parent home to a one-parent home (thru divorce) is to reallocate finances.  (Adding a new child into a home that you didn’t plan on can be difficult also.) You must sit down and list on paper every bill leaving your home, every penny you spend on groceries, entertainment, gas, everything.  There is no way to plan if you have no idea what is coming in and leaving your home.
  • Evaluate for 30 days.  Once you have your budget on paper, evaluate your finances for the next 30-60 days.  Keep track of everything.  Two things will happen.  Number one, you will be much more conscious of what you are spending.  Second, you will be able to begin to trim your budget based on “wastes and indulgences”.
  • Trim the fat.  This is the most difficult.  There are necessities — food, transportation, housing.  And…..there are non-essentials — manicures, going out to eat, living in the very best neighborhood, movie dates, name-brand clothing.  If most of us evaluate what we spend money on, it is very easy to pick out those things that have become a luxury, a habit.  Maybe for this season of your life, you have to do your own nails, go longer between hair cuts, shop at a different grocery store, or live in a different neighborhood. 
  • Become familiar with discounts, coupons, and rebates.  This is a positively fabulous way to save money!  When I began to coupon-clip during a very tight financial season in my own life, I found that I could save almost 75% on what I was currently spending on groceries.  Whether you are on a tight budget or not, why not save the money on groceries to distribute elsewhere?!  (There are great websites available on this very matter.  We recommend Stephanie Nelson’s The Coupon Mom.)

These are all very simple solutions, but you would be surprised at the number of women I counsel who’ve never even created a budget.  The emotional turmoil of a divorce, failed relationship, or death of a spouse can be devastating on its own.  Focusing on financial health is a great burden that can be lifted with a little focus and commitment. Continue reading »

 

I spent my Saturday morning at a leader’s meeting with one of the most dynamic, inspiring women speakers on the planet — Christine Caine (http://www.christinecaine.com).  Don’t you love when you are in a meeting and you get so “fired up” that you want to leave right then and go change the world?!!  She said  many dynamic things and I found myself running out of space to write.  But one stuck with me. 

When you have found your God-given passion, you will beg people to let you do it.  You simply HAVE to do it.  You will bust if you don’t do it.  It doesn’t matter if you get paid or not.  People won’t have to twist your arm to perform to your highest level — you’ll want to.

I went through a season of my life when I absolutely loved my Corporate America job.  I couldn’t wait to get to work and see the challenges of the day.  I couldn’t wait to exceed sales quotas, train new employees, give a presentation at an event.  I learned more than I have time to tell you about here.  I now know that the purpose in that career was simply to prepare me for this one.  I know that all that I learned, all the relationships I formed, were about preparing me to reach the single parent.  Continue reading »

 

Most people have pretty much “shut-it-down” for 2010 and are already thinking ahead to 2011.  I suppose I’ve done the same thing.  Honestly, I think I began to close out 2010 two weeks ago!  (I’ve already said “last year” a number of times—-referring to 2010.) So, as I’m beginning big plans for 2011, it is inevitable that I would reflect on my own 2010.

- We welcomed more than 100 new faces to HPC Single Moms Group (a single moms support group that I work with).

- I released my new book, Overwhelmed: The Life of a Single Mom  (truly a labor of love), and it sold out on Amazon three times in its first 90 days and hasn’t stopped selling out since.  Praise God! Continue reading »