#1 Rule To Parenting

 Posted by Patrick on January 18, 2010  General  No Responses »
Jan 182010
 

So I witnessed something yesterday that caused me to pull up a chapter from the mothballs—-I witnessed a divorced couple WITH kids go through a pretty horrible and certainly dysfunctional altercation.

It reminded me of the NUMBER 1 RULE FOR DIVORCED DADS (and moms). #1 RULE FOR DIVORCED DADS: Never utter a discouraging word about your children’s mom

If you can do this, then you’re a better man than me. Look – if I could take back every audible sigh, every roll of the eyes, every negatively inflected statement about my childrens’ mom I have ever made in front of the kids, I’d gladly do so. I made it a point, and I still do, to not bash their mom in front of the kids. Continue reading »

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Back To Our Conversation on Dangers of Parental Projection

 Posted by Patrick on November 30, 2009  How to Communicate with Your Kids  2 Responses »
Nov 302009
 
The other day, I wrote about parental projection and the negative impact on kids.  I told a story about a little league dad laying his projection garbage on my kid and promised to tell a story about a similar occurrence with my daughter.

 Here is that story– My daughter’s freshman year in high school found her in the homecoming court. I guess some things haven’t changed all that much since I was in high school in Texas.  But it’s my assumption, at least in Texas, the pageantry associated with homecoming and prom has grown as if it were on steroids. 

As part of being in the homecoming court, my daughter and I were to walk arm-in-arm to mid-field at half time of the big homecoming football game.  They would announce our names and all the accomplishments that made her “homecoming court material”.  

We both got dressed up, as we needed to fit in with the rest of the pageant participants, and out we walked.  As we walked along the out-of-bounds line and got to the 50 yard line to make that turn onto midfield, a lady said to my daughter, ”Smile honey, this is the biggest day of your life!”  

My daughter put on a Hollywood smile for the lady and speaking through her clenched teeth said to me, “Oh God, Dad, I hope this isn’t the biggest day of my life!  I hope my life holds far more than this.” 

I laughed, and I told her perhaps it was the biggest day of that lady’s life.  But I was for sure betting that she would have many more outstanding and far more memorable days than this. 

People will push their stuff onto your kids at every turn, and your job as a parent is to keep those kids on their true path and not the one that you or someone else wants to project onto them.  Let them live their lives. 

My daughter had all new projection visited on her recently when she graduated from high school.  We had a chance to talk about how significant and insignificant high school graduation really is.  We talked about it merely being a passage – not unlike many other coming or historic passages in her life.  This was simply another change of shoes. 

I did tell her, however, that one great aspect about this passage was that she now had an opportunity to completely reinvent herself if she so chose.  I told her that she was going off to college and only about 10 out of 40,000 people would have any notion of who she was.  She now could become whoever she wanted to be.  Heck, I told her, she could even put on a British accent if she so choose.  Nobody would know any better of it. 

The real point to this is that she could finally be exactly who she wanted to be, free from the constraints and projections of her mom and dad and teachers and grandparents and others.  She could put away any and all masks she may have been wearing in the past and open up that wonderful life she chooses.  She could step into her dance shoes and dance—-Dance in her true shoes.                             

…happy parenting…

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Parental Projection Will Muck Your Kiddos Up

 Posted by Patrick on November 16, 2009  General  No Responses »
Nov 162009
 
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Tao of Parenting
How a divorced dad parents Continue reading »
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I am new to this…be gentle…

 Posted by Patrick on November 9, 2009  Raising Children as a Single Parent  No Responses »
Nov 092009
 

THE TAO OF PARENTING 

Howdy, I’m taking a moment to introduce myself. 

My name is Patrick Talley and I am a dad of two and I’m from  a big ol’ goofy family down in Texas. 

I’m the happy dad to 2 great kiddos who are now teen-agers.  As teens, they both think it pretty ridiculous that I have written a book on parenting and that I have now been asked to start blogging about parenting. 

Upon completion of my first parenting book “DIVORCED DADS’ RULES FOR RAISING RELATIVELY STABLE KIDS”, my teen-age daughter asked me, “So what makes you think you have a right to put a book out on parenting?” 

I quickly responded with, “Well, to begin with the simple fact that you feel comfortable enough to challenge me on the subject is one argument ‘for’ me.  And hey look around you.  Take a look at your peers.  Comparatively you and your brother are not that screwed up!” 

 Issue resolved….I guess, she just went back to her dinner and later she and her brother continued to tease me about all of this.

 

I have had many trials and tribulations as a dad and have executed with excellence on many parenting occasions.  Continue reading »

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