My Son and The Cab Ride

 Posted by Bill on February 26, 2010  General, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Feb 262010
 

How can two kids from the same gene pool be so different? I know that my brothers and I were all from the same gene pool, but were we really this different? Kids never cease to amaze me, confuse me  and enlighten me, usually all at the same time.

My kids and I have a routine each morning. They wake themselves up, shower, get ready, make breakfast, make their lunch, collect their back packs  and are prepared to be out the door by 7:00 am. At least that is how the routine is suppose to play out. For the most part it usually works this way. That is as long as Jack chooses to participate in the routine.

Michaela has never had a problem with our routine. I am not sure if it is because she is a girl, or that she loves to please but whatever the reason I am happy that she is on top of it. Her beloved brother Jack is just the opposite. When Michaela is finishing breakfast and stuffing books in her backpack Jack is hitting the snooze button  for the 14th time. I really never knew that you could hit your snooze button so many times. I figured that after the first 4 snoozes the alarm just says “To hell with it, I’m done” and turns itself off. Obviously Jacks alarm does not work this way. Continue reading »

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Washington Needs a Co-Parenting Class

 Posted by Bill on February 11, 2010  Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Organizing, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Feb 112010
 

I have never used this blog to make a political statement and I am not about to do so today. I personally do not care if you are a Republican a Democrat or and Independent. I don’t care if you are a card carrying member of the Green Party, Brown Party, Yellow Party or Chuckie Cheese Party.

I have always believed that this blog should be an opportunity for you the reader to take a peek inside the  life of  a single dad. I believe that is what I have always done and will continue to do so. But last night, as I sat at home with the kids watching the news, I couldn’t help to think that Washington needs a co-parenting class. Here we have our role models our leaders and in essence the parents of our country acting like two bickering parents. Do they not get it? It’s not about who wins, or who you love the most or who you want to live with it’s about us, the children of this country. The ones who have to live with your decisions and bickering each and every day. Do any of you think about us the children first. OK I know that each of you parents believe that your way is the right way, but is it really? We as the children of this country need you to be there for us. To set an example. To consciously co-parent us effectively. To first put our needs in mind not your own individual self serving motives. We will accept the fact that you will never see eye to eye on everything. After all that  is why you have separated. We will accept the fact that you are hurt and angry about your loses but why must you take it out on us? Why can’t you just give a little and meet half way? That is all we the children of this country want. We have lived with you in the past when you screamed and shouted and it hurt our feelings. It made us sad that you spent so much time bickering about yourselves that you didn’t spend time with us. We as a family survived those days of differences and we will survive them again in the future, but please don’t forget about us the children. You have been  and hopefully will continue to be, our role models. We look up to you. We believed in you. Please don’t allow your anger about your past and present continue to influence what we think of you. We will grow up one day and make different decisions based upon what you have put us through, but we don’t ever want to lose our respect for you.

Please Washington don’t forget that you have the responsibility to co-parent for us effectively. That is all we really ask. Communicate with us, put our feelings first and remember that you are modeling for us each day. We know that you will make mistakes and we are ok with that,  just as long as you don’t forget us in the process. Continue reading »

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I Have Been Up Since 4:00 am

 Posted by Bill on January 29, 2010  Balancing Work and Children, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent  No Responses »
Jan 292010
 

As I sit here and write my weekly blog I have a cup of coffee in one hand, a Pepsi in the other and one eye open. I have been up since 4:00 am this morning and barely alive. I recently heard a country song with the lyric “You can sleep when you die” . In that case I want to die. There is good news and bad news as to why I have been up since 4:00 am. The bad news is that my kids have been sick this week.  The good news is that my kids have been sick this week. If I had my choice I would always have the kids get sick at the same time. This week my choice has been granted. I have had my days of one being sick one week and the other the next. All that this does is extend out the whole process. Personally I wish that they would both cough, sneeze and throw up at the exact same time. But since they are not Siamese twins this is not a reality. I feel bad for them, but better to get it over with than extend out the midnight calls to the infirmary.

As a single parent I am left to my own accord to take care of my kids. It is not easy but it has to be done. As I sat in my living room early this morning I reflected on how many other parents must be going through the exact same thing that I was? They say that the greatest job you could ever have is that of being a parent. I am not sure that I subscribed to that way of thinking at 4:00 am this morning. Nobody ever said that parenting would be easy but single parenting…..well it is what it is.

I know that by later tonight my kids will be feeling better and I will be able to get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day and we will all be refreshed, healthy and ready to go again. So for all of you parents who have yet to do your 4:00 am infirmary shift, I offer you two bits of advice. One, pray that all of your kids get sick on the same day and two, never forget “You can sleep when you die”. Continue reading »

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Guiding Your Children to Live Authentically

 Posted by Patrick on December 7, 2009  How to Communicate with Your Kids  No Responses »
Dec 072009
 
Help Set Them Up So That They  Don’t Deal With Mid-Life Crises
  Continue reading »
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Back To Our Conversation on Dangers of Parental Projection

 Posted by Patrick on November 30, 2009  How to Communicate with Your Kids  2 Responses »
Nov 302009
 
The other day, I wrote about parental projection and the negative impact on kids.  I told a story about a little league dad laying his projection garbage on my kid and promised to tell a story about a similar occurrence with my daughter.

 Here is that story– My daughter’s freshman year in high school found her in the homecoming court. I guess some things haven’t changed all that much since I was in high school in Texas.  But it’s my assumption, at least in Texas, the pageantry associated with homecoming and prom has grown as if it were on steroids. 

As part of being in the homecoming court, my daughter and I were to walk arm-in-arm to mid-field at half time of the big homecoming football game.  They would announce our names and all the accomplishments that made her “homecoming court material”.  

We both got dressed up, as we needed to fit in with the rest of the pageant participants, and out we walked.  As we walked along the out-of-bounds line and got to the 50 yard line to make that turn onto midfield, a lady said to my daughter, ”Smile honey, this is the biggest day of your life!”  

My daughter put on a Hollywood smile for the lady and speaking through her clenched teeth said to me, “Oh God, Dad, I hope this isn’t the biggest day of my life!  I hope my life holds far more than this.” 

I laughed, and I told her perhaps it was the biggest day of that lady’s life.  But I was for sure betting that she would have many more outstanding and far more memorable days than this. 

People will push their stuff onto your kids at every turn, and your job as a parent is to keep those kids on their true path and not the one that you or someone else wants to project onto them.  Let them live their lives. 

My daughter had all new projection visited on her recently when she graduated from high school.  We had a chance to talk about how significant and insignificant high school graduation really is.  We talked about it merely being a passage – not unlike many other coming or historic passages in her life.  This was simply another change of shoes. 

I did tell her, however, that one great aspect about this passage was that she now had an opportunity to completely reinvent herself if she so chose.  I told her that she was going off to college and only about 10 out of 40,000 people would have any notion of who she was.  She now could become whoever she wanted to be.  Heck, I told her, she could even put on a British accent if she so choose.  Nobody would know any better of it. 

The real point to this is that she could finally be exactly who she wanted to be, free from the constraints and projections of her mom and dad and teachers and grandparents and others.  She could put away any and all masks she may have been wearing in the past and open up that wonderful life she chooses.  She could step into her dance shoes and dance—-Dance in her true shoes.                             

…happy parenting…

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I am new to this…be gentle…

 Posted by Patrick on November 9, 2009  Raising Children as a Single Parent  No Responses »
Nov 092009
 

THE TAO OF PARENTING 

Howdy, I’m taking a moment to introduce myself. 

My name is Patrick Talley and I am a dad of two and I’m from  a big ol’ goofy family down in Texas. 

I’m the happy dad to 2 great kiddos who are now teen-agers.  As teens, they both think it pretty ridiculous that I have written a book on parenting and that I have now been asked to start blogging about parenting. 

Upon completion of my first parenting book “DIVORCED DADS’ RULES FOR RAISING RELATIVELY STABLE KIDS”, my teen-age daughter asked me, “So what makes you think you have a right to put a book out on parenting?” 

I quickly responded with, “Well, to begin with the simple fact that you feel comfortable enough to challenge me on the subject is one argument ‘for’ me.  And hey look around you.  Take a look at your peers.  Comparatively you and your brother are not that screwed up!” 

 Issue resolved….I guess, she just went back to her dinner and later she and her brother continued to tease me about all of this.

 

I have had many trials and tribulations as a dad and have executed with excellence on many parenting occasions.  Continue reading »

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