“With Everything That Has Happened To You, You Can Either Feel Sorry For Yourself, or Treat What Happened To You As A Gift”

 Posted by Bill on December 12, 2011  How to Communicate with Your Kids, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Taking Time for Yourself  No Responses »
Dec 122011
 

 

“With everything that happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” Wayne Dyer

Over the years I have reflected back on this quote on more than one occasion. I have even sometimes wondered if the author was a single parent. During the past nine years I have been through living with an addictive wife, a broken marriage, interventions, rehab. centers, a separation, a divorce, the death of my children’s mother, the death of their grandmother, the executor of two estates, an IRS audit (which I won), a failing business, the meltdown of my investments in the stock market, a depreciating home value, raising my children on my own 24/7, dealing with their grief, anxiety and fear issues while wondering when, or if, it will ever stop? So again I say to myself:

“With everything that happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” Continue reading »

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Are You A Single Parent Because Of Abuse?

 Posted by Bill on August 21, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  3 Responses »
Aug 212011
 

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.”

I was recently asked to write an article about becoming a single parent due to addiction or abuse. I guess that sometimes I forget that so many of us become single parents, not because we chose to and not because our marriage just didn’t work out, but because of addictions and abuse. Since I fall into the first category, single due to an addiction, I thought that I would try and understand what it truly means to become a single parent due to abuse.

Although I have lived this life, I still wanted to make sure that I had my basis and facts covered. The first thing that I did was go to the Internets all knowing dictionary, Wikipedia. Each time I go there I have the benefit viewing a page or two of relative information. Not much, but enough to get me up to speed on what it is I am trying to understand. This week I looked up the word “Abuse”. OMG (That’s text for those of you who don’t have teenagers which means OH MY GOD) There was page, after page, after page of definitions. Child abuse, dating abuse, addiction abuse, abuse of power and the big one domestic abuse. The definition ofdomestic abuse is described below: Continue reading »

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Are You Looking For Your Kids?

 Posted by Bill on June 27, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, General, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Raising Children as a Single Parent  No Responses »
Jun 272011
 

Have you ever heard the story about the little boy who answered the phone call?

One day, the phone rang, and the little boy answered.

“May I speak to your parents?”
“They’re busy.”

“Oh. Is anybody else there?”
“The police.” Continue reading »

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So You Think You Are A Single Parent Huh?

 Posted by Bill on June 13, 2011  General  3 Responses »
Jun 132011
 

I often get calls and emails from people, who are married, telling me that they are just like a single parent. Or in other words, that they are just like me. That they do all the household work, that they care for the kids, that they pay the bills, that they manage everyone’s schedules, that they feel as if the world is on their shoulders, that they are just like a single parent or again, that they are just like me. I always bite my tongue and listen, because although they believe to know what my life is like, in reality they are not, just like a single parent. You may be an enabler but you are NOT just like a single parent. You either are, or you are not, a single parent. You can not be half pregnant, you can not be half alive, and you definitely can not be a single parent, unless you are one.

I often say that I love being a single dad but in reality that is probably not true. I love being a dad, I love raising my children and I love being there for them but it sure would be easier if I had a little help every now and then. Not just help with making meals, or getting the kids places, but emotional help, the mental help, the financial help, and the support that I myself so often need. You see, for all of you that think you are just like a single parent, you still have someone coming home to the family at night. Someone who is there to listen to your problems, someone who can provide another perspective on how to best raise the kids, someone to deal with their issues, someone to help with the carpools, the sporting events and the stress of just being a parent.

We single parents, more time than not, don’t have this. Oh I am sure that in many cases the other non custodial parent does their part. After all I am speaking to both of you here, but has that always worked out for you the way you planned it? Married couples do have this. We single parents are left to go it alone 24/7 not just from 8 to 5 each day. Continue reading »

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Would You Let Your Daughter Drive At 14 Years Old?

 Posted by Bill on June 5, 2011  General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Jun 052011
 

In the State of Colorado, the law states that in order to operate a motor vehicle, you must first attend a week long course from an accredited driving school, as well as complete a driver education course consisting of behind the wheel training. I think that most would agree that this law is a good idea.

Luckily for my kids, I have not always lived by that belief, at least not 100%. Now before you rush to the phone to call the police on me please allow me to explain. You see my belief that kids (under the right circumstances) should be allowed to learn how to drive at 14 was ingrained into me at a young age. Growing up in Butte, Montana as one of five kids, you have a tendency to do things a little different. My friends and I would drive ourselves to drivers education and park a few blocks away so that we didn’t get caught. Now it’s not that I took the car without my parents permission, they just threw me the keys and said “don’t get caught”. Now, when you grow up in a smaller town, you have a tendency to know most everyone. I am sure that on more than one occasion I passed a cop who knew that I wasn’t 16 yet, but really didn’t care. I’m sure that he learned to drive the exact same way. In fact, it’s a true story is that when my mom was growing up, she used to get driven to the ski resort outside of town by Sheila Penaluna all the time. Oh, by the way did I mention that Sheila was 12 when she drove them? Go figure. Seriously, growing up in Butte is a little different, as anyone from Montana will attest too. So when it came time to get my kids ready for drivers education I did what came naturally, I put them in the car at 14 and said “let’s drive”.

Now Jack was easy. I really didn’t worry about his ability too much. Maybe it was because he was a boy, or maybe it was because he had a small battery operated jeep as a kid. It could have been the fact that he was quite accomplished at racing cars on his video game. I don’t really know why, all that I did know was that teaching him to drive was really not much of a worry to me. The first day I took him over to the streets of an undeveloped commercial project  put him in the drivers seat and said lets go. He took to it like a southern boy to a NASCAR race. Now he is 17 and cruising all over the place in his 2000 GT Mustang, has had no accidents and only three tickets to show for it. I am so proud:) Continue reading »

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Why Didn’t I Have Twins?

 Posted by Bill on April 25, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, Getting Your New Life In Order, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting  5 Responses »
Apr 252011
 

I have always said that I am the most blessed father in the world to have my children. Raising them on my own has definitely been a challenge, but with challenges come great rewards. I hope that I can just keep the two of them around long enough to realize this.

My son is now 17 and I am so proud of him. He and I have a bond that although not expressed daily, is there in our hearts. I have watched him mature more and more each day. His sense of humor is second to none.  The other night I told him that “Yes Jack we are going to eat together as a family” to which he replied “Dad I promise that if you let me eat downstairs in front of the TV, I won’t do drugs, get anyone pregnant or go to jail”. As he walked down the stairs to the TV, I wondered where he gets this from. Then I looked in the mirror J

My daughter who has been the apple of my eye since the day she was born has always been a joy. She has a heart of gold and a smile that stretches from here to eternity. She has never been a problem, just a good kid. That was until she turned 14 last August. I have heard stories of how girls transform at this age but hearing stories and experiencing it are two separate things. The other night Jack asked if we could just “put her down” There is that quick wit and humor again. What is it that turns little angels into devils at 14? Continue reading »

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to a Spanking

 Posted by Bill on April 22, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, How to Communicate with Your Kids  1 Response »
Apr 222011
 

 

By Will McCormick Guest Blogger

I come from a long line of folks who take the biblical principle “spare the rod, spoil the child” to heart. My children’s mother was raised the same. Growing up in the deep South in strong Southern Baptist families will teach at an early age the consequences of poor decisions. I know first hand (switch and belt) what comedians mean when joking that growing up the entire neighborhood raised a child, and applied liberal discipline in the form of a swatting. Usually, your behind was so numb by the time you got home that your parents really were not going to do much more damage when their turn rolled around. Honestly, I had good parents, and I really can only remember a few spankings growing up. By most accounts, both of my kid’s parents turned out just fine. So it should come as no surprise that we decided when expecting our first child that we were going to spank our kids as a form of discipline.

A funny thing happened on the way to a spanking.

Michael was two years old when his brother Mathew entered this world. He had endured a long day of waiting at the hospital with extended family. We had decided that I would take him home to try to keep things as normal as possible for Michael while his mother and new brother rested in the hospital. I am not quite sure how much sugar he was given while in the care of others, but picture Taz on Starbucks. I could not get him to stay in his bed. Continue reading »

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