Who Are These Voices In My Head, And Why Can’t They All Just Get Along?

 Posted by Bill on April 10, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, The Craziness of Single Parenting  1 Response »
Apr 102011
 

Have you ever felt as if you had other voices running around in your head telling you what to do? Have you ever felt as if those other voices in your head are constantly reminding you of what you do wrong, more than reminding you of what you do right? Do you ever wonder why all of those other voices in your head are in essence mini images of yourself? I know I sure do, at least I think I do. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.  Oh hell, I don’t know what I think.

Now before you start to worry that maybe it’s time for me to seek professional help, and God knows it would be justified since I am raising two teenagers, stop and ask yourself if those other voices in your head are really defining who you are as a parent.  Parenting is a very confusing experience for all of us. It’s never right and it’s never wrong. It’s never black and it’s never white. There are times when I am convinced that I am doing the right thing, and then there are those times when I have no idea what I am doing. There are times when I feel guilty with the choices I make, and then there other times when I am proud of the choices I made. There are times when I rely on others for advice, and then there are times when I just wing it. There are times when I know that I should of handled the situation different, and there are times when I question how I ever made the right decision.

The problem for me is that each of my good decisions, each of my bad decisions, and each of my choices as a parent, seem to have their own little voice in my mind. There are times when I know that I made the right choice in dealing with my kids, but for some reason that voice never seems to speak up very loud. Then there are times when I know that I have made the wrong choice, only to have that voice scream  loud and clear at me. I have learned over the years that regardless of which little voice in my head is screaming the loudest, I need to remind myself that it is only one voice. Continue reading »

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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – Bursts of Expression

 Posted by Bruce on February 15, 2011  General  No Responses »
Feb 152011
 

Bursts of Expression

The expression, “Bursts of Expression” came from one of my readers, Margaret Light, who wrote to me after reading my column, “Does Being On Time Mean Anything Anymore?” She wrote, “If we want to foster what I call ‘bursts of expression’ (or how a kid communicates via technology) rather than conversation that actually relies on a give and take relationship, then keep nurturing cell phone use. If we want to foster a perception that the world we walk through and live in is the size of a ‘2×2’ phone monitor even while birds and butterflies pass through our lives unnoticed, please nurture technology use. If we want our kids to value making a difference in other people’s lives, foster relationships with people, not their virtual selves.”

Not only did I love her expression, “Burst of Expression,” but I also felt she articulated in very eloquent prose a significant issue that I’ve been observing in my own boys and in society at large, but especially with our younger generation with the explosion of modern technology. I’ve become even more aware of these changes, as I’ve spent the past two years, learning much of these emerging technologies, not only for my own growth but for my second career as a writer, radio show host, and more recently as the co-creator and partner in a technology oriented web-site, BoomerTechTalk.com.

How we all use these various technologies is fascinatingly different. If my own household is a microcosm and completely arbitrary mini-sample, it is nonetheless, an interesting one. The four of us comprise two generations but four distinct uses of technology. So, for the fun of it, let’s look at how my family members each uses modern technology and express ourselves in this correspondent’s term “Bursts of Expression.” Continue reading »

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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – Guys Really Hate Valentine’s Day

 Posted by Bruce on February 8, 2011  General  No Responses »
Feb 082011
 

Guys Really Hate Valentine’s Day!

No one could ever accuse me of being too PC (politically correct). I’m always willing to also address the inherent differences between the sexes, in honest and frank ways. Not only do I hate Valentines Day, I hate using the word, “gender” in place of “sex” when referring to men and women. Sometimes I use “gender” just to avoid the letters I’m bound to receive from the PC police, but since I’m taking on Valentine’s Day, I might as well go for it all at once.

The reality is that men and women are different. Most married couples learn this pretty quickly. Then, if they have children, that learning process speeds up ever so much faster. If they are blessed with having boys and girls, they graduate to a full understanding of how much the sexes are inherently different unless, of course, they’ve attended a women’s studies graduate program. Then, they actually might believe that if you give a little girl a toy truck she’ll enjoy it as much as a little boy would a toy doll.

But, those parents I referred to earlier know exactly what happens when you do that. The little boy will tear off the toy dolls head, while the little girls will name the toy truck some cute name and take very good care of it. Continue reading »

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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – Don’t You Just Hate That

 Posted by Bruce on February 1, 2011  General  No Responses »
Feb 012011
 

Don’t You Just Hate That?

Isn’t that one of the things we often say to ourselves, “I Hate When I Do That”? As a general rule, I dislike using the word “hate” as casually as it is generally used. I prefer to reserve “hate” for someone or something more serious; for instance, I hate the guy who shot all those innocent people in Arizona (his name should ever be forgotten). But, as the use of this phrase is so ubiquitous, I will make an exception and take this literary license this time and use the word “hate.”

Following is my list, my personal “I Hate When I Do Thats,” with special focus on parenting issues and marriage (men and women). I’ve also included a few of my family’s “I Hate Whens.” Feel free to e-mail me yours, which I may include in a future column (bruce@brucesallan.com).

In no particular order: Continue reading »

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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – Is Change Good For You

 Posted by Bruce on January 25, 2011  How to Communicate with Your Kids  No Responses »
Jan 252011
 

Is Change Good For You?

Facebook made a minor change in how its interface worked, if that is even the right terminology.  I went into a minor fit, immediately e-mailing a techie friend for help, in my momentary panic, because it seemed my Facebook “Wall” was gone!  My friend was unavailable and after a little while of searching around on my profile and my “page,” I was able to figure it out and all was again well with the world.

Continue reading »

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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – New Technology, New Media, and Me

 Posted by Bruce on January 18, 2011  General, How to Communicate with Your Kids  4 Responses »
Jan 182011
 
I’m a baby-boomer.  I’m a Yuppie.  I’m a man.  I’m a dad. I’m divorced.  I’m re-married. I’m a writer.  And, I’m sometimes a mess.  It’s a confusing world, no doubt, and the evolution of technology in my lifetime has contributed to my confusion.  Let’s consider what has occurred in the past half-century or so, since I was born.
When I was a child, media, and  technology were pretty simple.  Media meant the newspaper, three networks, and going to the movies.  “Live” theatre and concerts were a special treat and the telephone had a dial and a cord.  My family had one television set that residing prominently in the living room and it looked like furniture. Our record player, as they were called before “Stereo” was introduced, was designed to look like a side cupboard and was a complicated device that I was not allowed to touch.
I remember, in my early teens, riding my bike wherever I wanted to go and regularly stopping at a local book and record store, where I’d pick up the KHJ Top 40 weekly song list.  KHJ no longer exists in Los Angeles.  When I had enough change, I’d purchase a favorite single record, which was called “a 45.” Continue reading »
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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – What We got Here Is a Failure to Communicate

 Posted by Bruce on January 11, 2011  General, How to Communicate with Your Kids  No Responses »
Jan 112011
 

I wonder who remembers that famous quote from the 1967 movie, “Cool Hand Luke,” improper use of English and all (it should be “have” rather than “got”)? That quote brings to mind the problems most parents face in communicating with their children, especially as their children enter their teen years when all of a sudden things dramatically change.  Many teens tend to think that their parents have all of a sudden become stupid, since most teens believe they have all of a sudden become experts in everything.

Being the dad to two teen boys, I’m having the joy of simultaneously dealing with this experience now, although in different ways, as my boys are distinct individuals.  It seems that I’m getting payback for all the angst I caused my parents during my own teens, times two, as I’m raising my own two boys. My late mother’s words come back to me and I smile to myself repeatedly these days as I go through what are most certainly quite typical experiences.

My older teen’s journey is less conflictive with me than with the world at large, as we’ve had the pleasure of dealing with just about every outside problem a teen boy can indulge in.  Rather than reveal too much of his personal life, I’ll leave that to your imagination. In taking a page from The Beatles; it’s been a “Magical Mystery Tour!” Continue reading »

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