“With Everything That Has Happened To You, You Can Either Feel Sorry For Yourself, or Treat What Happened To You As A Gift”

 Posted by Bill on December 12, 2011  How to Communicate with Your Kids, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Taking Time for Yourself  No Responses »
Dec 122011
 

 

“With everything that happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” Wayne Dyer

Over the years I have reflected back on this quote on more than one occasion. I have even sometimes wondered if the author was a single parent. During the past nine years I have been through living with an addictive wife, a broken marriage, interventions, rehab. centers, a separation, a divorce, the death of my children’s mother, the death of their grandmother, the executor of two estates, an IRS audit (which I won), a failing business, the meltdown of my investments in the stock market, a depreciating home value, raising my children on my own 24/7, dealing with their grief, anxiety and fear issues while wondering when, or if, it will ever stop? So again I say to myself:

“With everything that happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” Continue reading »

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So You Think You Are A Single Parent Huh?

 Posted by Bill on November 28, 2011  General, Raising Children as a Single Parent  3 Responses »
Nov 282011
 

I often get calls and emails from people, who are married, telling me that they are just like a single parent. Or in other words, that they are just like me. That they do all the household work, that they care for the kids, that they pay the bills, that they manage everyone’s schedules, that they feel as if the world is on their shoulders, that they are just like a single parent or again, that they are just like me. I always bite my tongue and listen, because although they believe to know what my life is like, in reality they are not, just like a single parent. You may be an enabler but you are NOT just like a single parent. You either are, or you are not, a single parent. You can not be half pregnant, you can not be half alive, and you definitely can not be a single parent, unless you are one.

I often say that I love being a single dad but in reality that is probably not true. I love being a dad, I love raising my children and I love being there for them but it sure would be easier if I had a little help every now and then. Not just help with making meals, or getting the kids places, but emotional help, the mental help, the financial help, and the support that I myself so often need. You see, for all of you that think you are just like a single parent, you still have someone coming home to the family at night. Someone who is there to listen to your problems, someone who can provide another perspective on how to best raise the kids, someone to deal with their issues, someone to help with the carpools, the sporting events and the stress of just being a parent.

We single parents, more time than not, don’t have this. Oh I am sure that in many cases the other non custodial parent does their part. After all I am speaking to both of you here, but has that always worked out for you the way you planned it? Married couples do have this. We single parents are left to go it alone 24/7 not just from 8 to 5 each day. Continue reading »

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My Kids Are Like The Stock Market…

 Posted by Bill on November 7, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  2 Responses »
Nov 072011
 

I have decided to change my kid’s names from Jack and Michaela to Dow and NASDAQ. Why you ask? It’s because I believe that raising them is like investing in the stock market. As long as I put something into them each month, I am bound to get a good return on my investment. At least that’s what the experts tell me. Recently I have found that my success with the kids has been similar to my recent returns in the stock market. Dismal! I have scratched my head, reviewed my parental investing strategy and made some adjustments. But still I am not seeing the returns that I had hoped for. I keep telling myself that’s its not how I start but how I finish. This would make sense if I was a marathon runner, but as a single dad I am a sprinter. I sprint from school event to sporting event, from grocery store to doctor’s appointments, from homework assignments to dinners. I want to see a return NOW!

My financial planner tells me to have patience. Follow the plan, and that all things are difficult before they are easy. Easy for him to say, he’s getting paid monthly on what I invest with him. I want to see a return NOW!

I know that I am not the only single parent that wants a return on his investment NOW. Why does this have to be so difficult? You give, you love, you encourage, you discipline and you lead, but still I am not seeing the results. I want a return NOW! Continue reading »

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My Son Taught Me Something That He Wish’s He Hadn’t

 Posted by Bill on October 3, 2011  General, Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Raising Children as a Single Parent  1 Response »
Oct 032011
 

Over the years I have learned so much from my children. I have learned how to smile when I was feeling sad, I have learned how to be patient when I was feeling anxious, I have learned how to juggle when both hands were tied behind my back, I have learned how to do three loads of laundry before most people are even awake and I have learned what unconditional love is. Of all the lessons my children have taught me, I think the best one that I have ever learned was taught to me by my son Jack late last August. 

One day Jack and I were having one of our Dad versus seventeen year old son difference of opinion conversations. Ok it was an argument about what I expected of Jack and what he expected of me. As I threatened once again to take a way his cell phone, he responded by saying to me “Go ahead Dad, your hollow promises don’t mean anything to me.” As I started to get more upset with him I stopped in my tracks and thought hold it, he thinks that my threats are hollow huh? 

Now in my own defense, I am not the type of Dad who says one thing and does the other, it’s just that I don’t always follow through with my punishments until the end, 100% of the time. I would like to think that I follow through at least 90% of the time, but my daughter would put that number somewhere around 70% and obviously based upon Jack’s comments, he would put it somewhere around 10% of the time. Continue reading »

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How Is Your Train Ride Going?

 Posted by Bill on September 26, 2011  Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Sep 262011
 

I wrote this blog sometime back and wanted to repost it for all of you. Life is funny how it moves forward, sometimes to fast and sometimes to slow, but rest assured it will continue to move forward. I hope that this blog today helps you understand that life is like a train ride and only you have the pleasure of being on the entire ride from start to finish. Have an amazing day everyone…

Someone once told me that life is like taking a train ride. The unique part about it is that from start to finish, you and only you, will be the only one on the entire ride.  Oh sure others will join you for part of your ride, but again you and only you, will be the only one on the entire ride. The ride usually starts off slowly and calmly, but before you know it the train picks up speed and you seem to be flying along faster than you might be comfortable with. There will be twists and turns, peaks and valleys, happiness and sadness along the way, but again you and only you, will be the only one on the entire ride.  The train will occasionally stop along the way and others will join you, but again you and only you, will be the only one on the entire ride.

I often have thought about the times on the ride, where we knew that we were about to enter a dark tunnel, and just couldn’t seem to do anything about it. It’s just part of our ride. Once in the tunnel darkness consumes us, and depending upon the length of the tunnel, our fear of disaster is heightened. We worry that our ride is about to turn into a train wreck. What I have learned on my ride, especially during those trips into darkness, is that we always come out of the tunnel to the light again. I have also learned that since I will surly exit the tunnel intact, I sure as the heck want to make sure that I don’t do anything, while in the darkness, that I will be embarrassed for, ashamed of or regret once I come out of the tunnel. I want to approach each and every dark tunnel with confidence, hope and dignity because again, I will exit the tunnel, and I and only I, will be the only one on the entire ride. Continue reading »

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When It Comes To Parenting Does Practice Make Perfect?

 Posted by Bill on September 19, 2011  General, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Raising Children as a Single Parent, Teenagers, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Sep 192011
 
They say that practice makes perfect. I have decided that whoever said that was obviously not a parent. I have practiced at being a good parent ever since day one, and I continue to practice at it each and every day. Last week I thought that I had finally figured it out, and then my 15 year old teenage daughter reminded me that I have a long way to go. Funny how teenagers seem to think that they know everything. I am starting to think that parenting is allot like the game of golf. No matter how much you practice, you will never get it totally right. Oh you may score well every once in awhile, but just when you start to think that  you’ve got  it figured out, you slice one it into the woods and end up taking a penalty stroke. Over the years I have had my share of penalty strokes with my kids.
The problem with being a good parent, is that your kids are constantly changing on you. Once you get to the toddler stage figured out here comes the young child stage, then the pre-teen stage and finally the dreaded teenager stage. Looking back on the early stages, I now realize that the degree of difficulty changes with each and every  stage my kids go through. It must be Gods way of reminding you that practice doesn’t always make you perfect, but it will make you better. 
I am blessed to have my parents as great examples. Since they raised  five kids, they had allot of practice. Looking back on it now I realized that they weren’t perfect, but at least they kept practicing. Actually with five kids, maybe they should have stopped practicing having children after the first two:) I am the oldest by the way! One thing that I do know is that if you as a parent keep practicing, your children will be the beneficiary of it. I pray every night for those children who don’t have parents who practice. Who have parents that give up. They are the children that will never understand how to become a good parent themselves. They are the ones whose children will turn to the dark side, when if their parents had just practiced more, they would have all seen the light. Continue reading »
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Are You A Single Parent Because Of Abuse?

 Posted by Bill on August 21, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  3 Responses »
Aug 212011
 

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.”

I was recently asked to write an article about becoming a single parent due to addiction or abuse. I guess that sometimes I forget that so many of us become single parents, not because we chose to and not because our marriage just didn’t work out, but because of addictions and abuse. Since I fall into the first category, single due to an addiction, I thought that I would try and understand what it truly means to become a single parent due to abuse.

Although I have lived this life, I still wanted to make sure that I had my basis and facts covered. The first thing that I did was go to the Internets all knowing dictionary, Wikipedia. Each time I go there I have the benefit viewing a page or two of relative information. Not much, but enough to get me up to speed on what it is I am trying to understand. This week I looked up the word “Abuse”. OMG (That’s text for those of you who don’t have teenagers which means OH MY GOD) There was page, after page, after page of definitions. Child abuse, dating abuse, addiction abuse, abuse of power and the big one domestic abuse. The definition ofdomestic abuse is described below: Continue reading »

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