Getting organized for parents of Autistic children

 Posted by Tracy on December 16, 2009  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Single Entrepreneur Mom, Taking Time for Yourself, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Dec 162009
 

In January, I have been asked to do a speaking engagement to a support group of parents of autistic children. This subject is very near to my heart since I have a family member who is autistic. What I’ve learned about autistic children is they need to have, more than other children, routine and structure and don’t handle change too easily and therefore have a difficult time transitioning from one activity to the next. Add to that, they also experience sensory overload and get overwhelmed when their environment is too stimulated with things like loud noises. Some autistic children are more higher functioning then others but the bottom line is having an organized and structured environment is crucial to their daily well being.

I watched an episode of Extreme Home Makeover the other day with a friend. This family had two parents who were both deaf and a son who was not only autistic but blind. Their oldest son was the only one without any disabilities and he was the rock for the family, helping in every way he could. I truly don’t remember crying as hard as I did since I saw the Notebook over the love this family had for each other. Their light absolutely radiated from them. And watching the town rally for them gives me goose bumps to even think about it. It also helped me to understand even more what my family member goes through on a daily basis and it truly broke my heart.

I can imagine that a parent who is typically disorganized and un-structured will be forced into becoming organized and structured for the sake of their children. That can prove very challenging for those that have never lived there lives that way. But getting organized doesn’t have to be a gigantic project that all has to be tackled right away. In fact, I would bet that, since autistic children don’t handle change well, it would be a better idea to take the project in phases. As a professional organizer, that is how I encourage my clients to handle their clutter anyway. In phases. The mistake a lot of people make when it comes to deciding to tackle their clutter is they don’t break it down into manageable pieces, accurately estimate how long it will take, actually put it down on their calendar as an actual appointment, and put measures in place to hold themselves accountable during the process. This is where hiring a professional can help. We are able to be realistic with your situation and help you handle what can be realistically done in a realistic time frame with your realistic abilities. Continue reading »

Save Your Kids Art (Especially “the early years”) It Is A Great Gift To A Future You

 Posted by Patrick on December 14, 2009  General  1 Response »
Dec 142009
 
I am moving.

I am packing and unpacking boxes. 

I have come across several treasures as I load and unload stuff from one house to the other.  The photos are great reminders and the art that my kiddos created has been a real pleasure to stumble across.

Save their art.  Put it somewhere safe (much of it in my house decorates the wall along with other art as they are framed and treated as any other art object in my home—they add to making my house a home).

Especially noted is their “early art” before their art was influenced by authority figures.  often times you will see a drastic difference in what they produce before they start school than the stuff they put out after school has begun influencing their creative expression. Continue reading »

…More On Helping Your Kiddos Live Authentic Lives…

 Posted by Patrick on December 14, 2009  General  No Responses »
Dec 142009
 
…a continuation on speaking to your children about remaining authentic to themselves—  I went on to talk to them both at the dinner table about midlife crises, and how to change that from a crisis to a passage and, hopefully, to move that up in the batting order of life so you don’t have to wait to midlife to wear the right shoes.  I told them the most optimal manner of living life is to always stay in your true shoes and to live your life for yourself – to recognize and chase your own passion, not one that someone else has pushed on you.   I went on to explain that my life choices were okay for me, but that I had found myself immersed in obligations: house, cars, kids, wife etc.  I couldn’t find a way out of that corporate life without walking away from those obligations.  I went on that a more optimal choice might be to follow your passion before you encumber yourself with financial and other obligations.  
 I explained it may be far easier to move to the corporate world later in life, if that was a choice, than to walk away once you’re obligated. So far, so good.    Continue reading »

…Further Conversation On Teaching Your Kids To Live Authentic Lives…

 Posted by Patrick on December 14, 2009  General  1 Response »
Dec 142009
 
…a continuation on speaking to your children about remaining authentic to themselves—  I went on to talk to them both at the dinner table about midlife crises, and how to change that from a crisis to a passage and, hopefully, to move that up in the batting order of life so you don’t have to wait to midlife to wear the right shoes.  I told them the most optimal manner of living life is to always stay in your true shoes and to live your life for yourself – to recognize and chase your own passion, not one that someone else has pushed on you.   I went on to explain that my life choices were okay for me, but that I had found myself immersed in obligations: house, cars, kids, wife etc.  I couldn’t find a way out of that corporate life without walking away from those obligations.  I went on that a more optimal choice might be to follow your passion before you encumber yourself with financial and other obligations.   I explained it may be far easier to move to the corporate world later in life, if that was a choice, than to walk away once you’re obligated. So far, so good.   Neither of my kiddos have designs on being in the corporate world.  Very possibly, very probably, they may struggle financially at the onset of their adult life as they chase their respective passions.  What the hell?  Most of us struggle financially at the beginning anyway – sometimes at the middle and the end.  I hope they continue to pursue their passions – dramatic arts for my daughter and music for my son.  But I can also let go of their choices.   If they do choose the dark socks and dry-cleaned clothes route, then that’s their challenge with which to deal.  Responsibility for their actions is part of their wearing authentic, true shoes.  I can recall an early morning phone call from my ex-wife.  “Your son says he’s too sick to go to school.  Can you talk to him?” she asked.  “Does he have a fever?  Is he throwing up?” “No, will you please talk to him?” she said.   I told my son that if he didn’t have a fever, but couldn’t go to school, then he could just get dressed up and spend the day with me.  He was 15 at the time, and frankly I thought that just getting dressed up to go to my office would be painful enough to get his butt to school.   He agreed to go with me to the office.  He must have had a test that day.  It had to be one of the most boring days of his life.  It was January, and I was going over the New Year’s goals and plans with my employees.  He sat in my office for 8 hours while one after another after another of my employees came in and sat down and went over their objectives and plans for the year. On the way home I mentioned that I hoped my devious plan had worked.  And that he had seen enough of the corporate world to know that he wanted another path for himself.  As he got into the car, he said, “You know, you didn’t have to do this to keep me from going into the corporate world.  I already know that I don’t want to do that.”  That night at dinner he said without looking up from his plate, “You know, you don’t work very hard.” “What’s your point?” I asked without looking up from my steak-filled plate.  “I mean, all you did was drink coffee all day and talk to people.”   “Well, that’s what I do.  And once you get your college degree, you can have that glorious life if you want it.” “Hey, no thanks.  There’s no way I want to sit around and talk to my friends all day, much less people I don’t even hang out with,” he said. Perhaps my evil scheme had worked after all.       

Continue reading »

Parent Job Description

 Posted by Bill on December 11, 2009  General  2 Responses »
Dec 112009
 

Since it is Friday and the weekend is upon us, I thought that I would share with you a job description that a friend of mine recently shared with me. I hope that it brings a smile to your face and starts your weekend off on the right foot. It is hilarious and something we can all relate to.

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Continue reading »

My favorite childhood experience.

 Posted by Jerry on December 10, 2009  General  No Responses »
Dec 102009
 

In May of 1986, I was 7 years old (I turned 8 in August). My grandpa had a beach house over on the Hood Canal, a couple hours West of Seattle. We spent a lot of time over there. He was always having people over, and usually it was a party.

Well, I don’t know exactly when, but my grandpa attended an auction for Kennedy High School, a Catholic School, where his step-son was going at the time.  One of the items that he successfully bid on, was a “day of golf” with Chuck Knox. For those of you that don’t know who that is, before the Seattle Seahawks had Mike Holmgren, Chuck Knox was the most beloved Head Coach we’d had. And, with all due respect, to many, he probably still is.  

Being the avid fisherman that my grandpa is, that “day of golf” turned into a “day of fishing”. Being that my grandpa had the beach house, they all went fishing over on the Hood Canal. Continue reading »

Spanking – Discipline or Abuse?

 Posted by Tracy on December 9, 2009  General  No Responses »
Dec 092009
 

Last Friday I went out on a date with a former correctional officer now college professor. We got on the topic of structure. He was telling me how my entrepreneurial spirit amazed him and he doesn’t know how I have all the gusto that I do to pursue something outside of a structured environment, aka j.ob. I told him I envied his ability to exist in a more structured environment. I crave the security and stability that a 9-5er provides but I typically can’t stick around in 9-5 jobs because I feel a piece of my freedom is taken away from me and I don’t like working to meet someone else’s expectations and agenda. He explained to me that he can always tell which one of his students came from a non-structured and non-disciplined environment. They are the ones who have a tough time paying attention and have difficulty following instructions. I can’t remember the sequence of the conversation but he basically told me he agreed with spanking a child as a form of discipline. I asked, “How does hitting a child teach them anything?” His response was, it’s not hitting, it’s “discipline.” Our conversation started getting heated at that point and the intensity in his eyes made me uncomfortable. Needless to say, there will not be a second date.

I don’t care what you call it, hitting is hitting and I don’t agree with it at all. It’s interesting to me how many times I hear men say they got hit when they were little and they deserved it. It breaks my heart to hear that. And again, I disagree. I told him that how I choose to parent Paris is empowering her to make her own choices and knowing what the consequences are of doing so. For example, if she wants to climb on a wall that may be a bit dangerous if she fell off of, I would say, “Just so you know if you fall off that wall you could hurt yourself. Are you prepared to deal with the consequences?” And believe it or not, Paris, since she was 4 years old says to me either, “Yes, mom I’m prepared to deal with the consequences” or “No mom, I’m not prepared to deal with the consequences.” I’m not kidding. She actually uses those words. Now, of course, sometimes no is just simply no and there is no choice given, but sometimes its better she learns for herself. The way I see it, I won’t be around her 24/7 for the rest of her life to tell her yes or no, so if I can empower her with the ability to make the decision for herself the better off she will be.

When I told him this he told me that was a form of abuse. Um, excuse me, what? He went on to say that if she fell and hurt herself then how is that hurt different then me spanking her. And no matter what form of discipline you put on them, you are abusing them mentally, emotionally and spiritually anyway. I suppose on some level that depending how the kid chooses to take on the discipline it can be conceived as a form of abuse, but letting your kid learn their own lessons at the risk of them potentially getting hurt is abuse? Please, someone help me understand this guys reasoning. Continue reading »

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