Learning to Give Up Control…or Not

 Posted by Brooke on April 18, 2010  Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent  1 Response »
Apr 182010
 

Co-parenting is an intricate dance that is incredibly difficult to master. Trying to figure out the proper steps, trusting your partner to do what they are suppossed to and learning to let go of what you have no control over is not an easy process.

Lately I have been learning the act of giving up control. While I like to think of myself as spontaneous and fun, the truth of the matter is that I am a bit of a micro manager when it comes to being a mom. My best friend Abby recently brought to my attention when we were at her house for dinner that I asked my son if he was okay no less than 50 times in the four hours we were there. Hmmm…that may have been a bit excessive. I mean how much trouble could an almost ten year old boy get into the living room of a townhouse in suburbia while playing the Wii while I was in the kitchen? And didn’t I think that Christian would tell me if he wasn’t okay? It opened my eyes to how often I need to reassure myself that my son is alive, healthy and generally happy.

If I am that obsessive with my son’s wellbeing while he is with me, I am sure you can imagine what a crazy environment my head is when my son is with his dad for a week at a time (our custody arrangement is one week with mom, one week with dad.) I feel so vulnerable when Christian is with his dad. I have no control over what my son is doing for an entire week. It is torture. Continue reading »

Accepting the Step: When Your Child Has a New Parent

 Posted by Brooke on April 12, 2010  Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent  1 Response »
Apr 122010
 

Single parenthood can be a confusing world to navigate. Just when I thought I was starting to figure my world out, my 5 year old son dropped the bomb that he was going to have two moms! You can imagine my surprise upon hearing this, as his dad and his now step-mom had only been dating for a few months. When your child has a new parent – a step-parent – a whole new playing field is created. There is a new player in the game, and trying to figure out this persons role can be incredibly difficult. The following advice has helped me along the road to creating a working relationship with my son’s step-mother.

You Don’t Have to Like Her

I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked if I like my ex’s wife. What I tell them is, “She loves Christian, and that is really the only thing that matters to me.” I am not saying I don’t like her, but the fact of the matter is that it makes no difference if I like her or not. To be perfectly honest, we go back and forth. We have been friends, and we have not gotten along. But at the end of the day the only thing that really matters is that she is good to my son and I cannot ask more of her than that. Continue reading »

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Washington Needs a Co-Parenting Class

 Posted by Bill on February 11, 2010  Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, How to Communicate with Your Kids, Organizing, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Feb 112010
 

I have never used this blog to make a political statement and I am not about to do so today. I personally do not care if you are a Republican a Democrat or and Independent. I don’t care if you are a card carrying member of the Green Party, Brown Party, Yellow Party or Chuckie Cheese Party.

I have always believed that this blog should be an opportunity for you the reader to take a peek inside the  life of  a single dad. I believe that is what I have always done and will continue to do so. But last night, as I sat at home with the kids watching the news, I couldn’t help to think that Washington needs a co-parenting class. Here we have our role models our leaders and in essence the parents of our country acting like two bickering parents. Do they not get it? It’s not about who wins, or who you love the most or who you want to live with it’s about us, the children of this country. The ones who have to live with your decisions and bickering each and every day. Do any of you think about us the children first. OK I know that each of you parents believe that your way is the right way, but is it really? We as the children of this country need you to be there for us. To set an example. To consciously co-parent us effectively. To first put our needs in mind not your own individual self serving motives. We will accept the fact that you will never see eye to eye on everything. After all that  is why you have separated. We will accept the fact that you are hurt and angry about your loses but why must you take it out on us? Why can’t you just give a little and meet half way? That is all we the children of this country want. We have lived with you in the past when you screamed and shouted and it hurt our feelings. It made us sad that you spent so much time bickering about yourselves that you didn’t spend time with us. We as a family survived those days of differences and we will survive them again in the future, but please don’t forget about us the children. You have been  and hopefully will continue to be, our role models. We look up to you. We believed in you. Please don’t allow your anger about your past and present continue to influence what we think of you. We will grow up one day and make different decisions based upon what you have put us through, but we don’t ever want to lose our respect for you.

Please Washington don’t forget that you have the responsibility to co-parent for us effectively. That is all we really ask. Communicate with us, put our feelings first and remember that you are modeling for us each day. We know that you will make mistakes and we are ok with that,  just as long as you don’t forget us in the process. Continue reading »

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Getting organized for parents of Autistic children

 Posted by Tracy on December 16, 2009  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Single Entrepreneur Mom, Taking Time for Yourself, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Dec 162009
 

In January, I have been asked to do a speaking engagement to a support group of parents of autistic children. This subject is very near to my heart since I have a family member who is autistic. What I’ve learned about autistic children is they need to have, more than other children, routine and structure and don’t handle change too easily and therefore have a difficult time transitioning from one activity to the next. Add to that, they also experience sensory overload and get overwhelmed when their environment is too stimulated with things like loud noises. Some autistic children are more higher functioning then others but the bottom line is having an organized and structured environment is crucial to their daily well being.

I watched an episode of Extreme Home Makeover the other day with a friend. This family had two parents who were both deaf and a son who was not only autistic but blind. Their oldest son was the only one without any disabilities and he was the rock for the family, helping in every way he could. I truly don’t remember crying as hard as I did since I saw the Notebook over the love this family had for each other. Their light absolutely radiated from them. And watching the town rally for them gives me goose bumps to even think about it. It also helped me to understand even more what my family member goes through on a daily basis and it truly broke my heart.

I can imagine that a parent who is typically disorganized and un-structured will be forced into becoming organized and structured for the sake of their children. That can prove very challenging for those that have never lived there lives that way. But getting organized doesn’t have to be a gigantic project that all has to be tackled right away. In fact, I would bet that, since autistic children don’t handle change well, it would be a better idea to take the project in phases. As a professional organizer, that is how I encourage my clients to handle their clutter anyway. In phases. The mistake a lot of people make when it comes to deciding to tackle their clutter is they don’t break it down into manageable pieces, accurately estimate how long it will take, actually put it down on their calendar as an actual appointment, and put measures in place to hold themselves accountable during the process. This is where hiring a professional can help. We are able to be realistic with your situation and help you handle what can be realistically done in a realistic time frame with your realistic abilities. Continue reading »

The princess and the knite by Paris

 Posted by Tracy on November 25, 2009  Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General  No Responses »
Nov 252009
 

Paris was very quiet earlier today which of course always unnerves me because this child is anything but quiet.  So when I went to check, I found her watching a cooking show with pencil and paper in hand.  She was multi-tasking because she decided to write the following the story:

Once upon a time there was a princses and a knite and the knite liked the princses and the knite’s name was Max and the princses’s name was Ashley and one day she walked out of the castel then he made his move.  He asked her on a date and she said of corse.  And they had breakfast and then asked her to a secend date then had lunch and then he asked her on a third date and they had dinner and the next day he asked her to Mary him and she said of course. she said i have to ask my father first he said apsolutley yes and they got maried and had two kids named Joe and Roselena and lived happely ever after the END.

So freggin cute! Continue reading »

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