Davis

I am a single mother to 3 girls (16, 14, and 11). I also am an Infant/Child Sleep Consultant helping parents create the healthiest foundation for their children. My goal is to always rise above the noise and get back to basics.

It’s Been Tough But…I’m Still Grateful!

 Posted by Davis on December 9, 2010  General  5 Responses »
Dec 092010
 

This week has been a tough one and quite a few blog ideas have come to mind. I had an amazing day with Debbie Ford and James Van Pragh on Saturday which opened my eyes to so much. I thought about sharing my experiences that day and I still might but not this week. I also thought I might touch on the feedback I got from last week’s blog. Many of my friends thought I wrote it about them which surprised me but also made me feel like I touched more than I intended. So all is good!
It’s been a hard time for me which can be indulgent in a strange way and I am done being indulged in my ‘strange’ way. I’ve been told and have witnessed that when we direct our attention in the same direction as our nose point (don’t ask where I got that) our lives change. I believe this and so this is going to be my blog topic…getting over myself and being grateful for the people in my life.

I chose the 5 most important people in my life (I am doing this in alphabetical order so no one feels more important than the other) and I am going to share 5 things that I am grateful for about each of them. As I am writing this I am thinking of everyone I could write about but I will keep it at 5 for now. But everyone can know how grateful I am to have them in my life and if anyone wants to ask for their 5, I am happy to oblige.
So here I go…

Eliot: My middle daughter.
I am grateful for you because:
~You have the best phone voice, “Hi Mommy.”
~You never let me hide.
~You are so witty and funny.
~I love the way you say, “Thanks Mommy” after dinner.
~Your sweet smile and face. It’s the best! Continue reading »

Turning Blame Into Thanks!

 Posted by Davis on November 25, 2010  General  4 Responses »
Nov 252010
 

I thought all week about how my blog should be about Thanksgiving on some level because it will be posted on…Thanksgiving. Then I thought about how everyone is being bombarded with a Thanksgiving message of some sort and it does get old. You know it too. I am not a big holiday person. I think if we are thankful and giving everyday, why do we need these big holidays that cause pain, strife, and gorging for people. After all, the holiday season is when we gain at least 10 pounds and has the highest incidence of suicide. Clearly, something is not jiving. And…it really is all about marketing but that is just my opinion. Don’t get me wrong, I do play along as I sit here writing my blog as my eggs are boiling, my cheese cake is baking, and my turkey is marinading.

With all that being said, I came up with my topic for this week while I was cleaning house. I have my best epiphanies during this dreaded activity. I was thinking about how out of sorts I have been lately and feeling a bit defeated. I also thought about other couples in my life where one has been able to move on and the other…not so much…even after many years (see below). That led me to people just being upset with people in general and it came down to what I have learned over and over…there is no upset without blame! Darn it all!

As most of us reading this blog are single parents, we have a past with a husband, wife, or a former relationship of some sort, we have all experienced major upset that may have subsided by now or may be still seething in us each day. If it is still seething you are still blaming. Try it on if you don’t believe me. It is impossible to explain upset without saying, “because.” Whomever sits behind the ‘because’ is who you are blaming. It’s time to let it go. Continue reading »

You Mean They Might Know What They Want To Do?

 Posted by Davis on November 11, 2010  General  4 Responses »
Nov 112010
 

I did promise from the get-go that I would not plague my blogs with stories of my girls but they do offer a lot of those ‘aha’ moments  (like Oprah talks about) for me to share because it will – hopefully- eliminate or at least lessen the pressure we put on ourselves when it comes to believing we have to plan out the lives of our children and they really don’t know what they want.

Oh…but maybe they do! Read on…

My most recent ‘aha’ came last week when Eliot (the drunkard from last week’s blog) said to me, “I really like track.” It happened again when Scout (not the drunkard but the one who came home from school sick) said, “I am going to take a nap and then I might feel better for water polo.” And yet again when Henley (the good big sis) said, “Mom, both high schools want me to model for their art classes.”  Continue reading »

Sometimes We Have to Find Out Who We Are NOT to Find Out Who We Are.

 Posted by Davis on November 4, 2010  General  32 Responses »
Nov 042010
 

Note: Eliot gave me her blessings to write and share this.

This weekend was a doozy. I was away doing a 3 Day / 3 Night in L.A. with a couple to help their little one sleep better while my ex (Ron) was across the country in Illinois. It always leaves me a little uneasy when one of us is not around but I left the girls with Joe (my significant other) who has 3 kids of his own so it was all good. I have the mother thing of micro managing from afar so when Eliot (my middle daughter) checked in with me to make sure it was okay that she go to a Halloween party and spend the night with her friend, I was okay with it.
Until the call…
It was midnight and my phone rang. I looked down and saw it was Henley (my oldest). Nothing good can come from a call at midnight. I took a deep breath, “Hello.”
This is what I heard, “I’m sorry Eliot, I have to tell her!”
Again, I said, “Hello.”
And this is the fun conversation that went on from there:
“Mom!”
“Yeah.”
“I’m driving Eliot home from a party and she is wasted and throwing up all over Katee’s car.

I was feeling helpless and remembering the time when I was a teenager and drank so much that I was on the golf course throwing up and making every possible deal with God that I could. I was furious with her, empathetic, and knowing this was a defining moment for her. 

Eliot was in the midst of experiencing who she is not to find out who she is. I told Henley to get her home and I would call Joe to give him the heads up. SIGH… Continue reading »

Whose Business (Life) Are You In?

 Posted by Davis on October 28, 2010  General  3 Responses »
Oct 282010
 

 Byron Katie is an author in the self help world that I discovered during a visit with a client. A book on their shelf was calling my name ~ Loving What is. She is all about the present moment, being happy and how to get there with 4 simple questions to ask when you are stuck in a “story”. I have learned so much from her simplistic teaching and her quips are the best. One of my favorites is…There are only 3 kinds of business – 1. God’s business, 2. Other people’s business, and 3. YOUR business. Her message: WE ARE HAPPIEST WHEN WE STAY IN OUR OWN BUSINESS. So, the question is…Whose Business are you in?

Scout (my youngest) was going on and on one day about how upset she was about what was going on with one of her friends. I listened to her and let her know that it is good to be compassionate and empathetic but I had to ask her, “whose business are you in?” She looked at me like I was an alien (nothing new) and said, “huh?” I said it another way, “Whose the one having the problem here?” Her response, “Gabi.” And then it was like a light bulb went off. A smile went across her face with an, “Ahhh…” As a mom, mission accomplished. As a human being…yikes.

We are single and we are parents, two major ingredients for the mix of not minding our own business. Some of us have significant others and some of us are neck deep in the dating game. Either way, when we are with someone with kids, we start experiencing the ultimate…whose business are we in dilemna.  And as parents, we are always in our kid’s business. We want to know how we can fix things, make things better, make them better only to hear them say, “you don’t understand.” That is code for…mind your own business. And with our partners who have kids – oy! Continue reading »

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Hotel or Home? Where do your kids live?

 Posted by Davis on October 21, 2010  General  5 Responses »
Oct 212010
 

This morning while taking my youngest to school (too far to walk or she would) I was listening to a local San Diego radio station and Dr. Kevin Lemen was the guest and he had me mesmerized! He was preachin’ to the choir. He had me saying ‘Amen’  more times than I heard my mama say on Sunday nights in our Pentecostal Church back in the day. The ten minutes I was able to listen gave me about five blog topics. My mind was reeling, I was writing 10 blogs at once in my head…I had to stop! I took a deep breath and told myself that I had to stop the mind madness and start somewhere. So, I’m starting here…Do your children live in a hotel or a home? In my experience…the former is closer to the truth than the latter.

I am a HUGE believer in handing over age appropriate responsibility. I tell my clients that self esteen is built not by cheering a child on for everything little thing they do but by letting them do what they can do for themselves. For example, if they can make their own bed…let them. Dr. Leman said that children build their self worth by being part of the home, helping it work. I couldn’t agree more and I admit that I have a hard time with this. Well…not anymore. I will no longer crutch my girls and their self esteem out of fear that I am not the ideal mother…wait…I mean the perfect mother. My middle daughter asked me a few years back,”Why don’t you make our beds, Emma’s mom makes her bed.” My response was, “Because you can make your own bed.” But secretly I worried that Emma and her mother were going to have a much better relationship and Eliot would dream of being part of that family. Yeah…yeah…yeah!!! Once I realized I am not aspiring to be my children’s housekeeper, I got over it and know that Eliot will be saying the same to her sweet daughter or son someday with a smile and a making a call to me saying, “thanks mom, you did a great job!”

I can dream – can’t I???? Continue reading »

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It’s Okay…Tell Them the Truth and Stick With the Facts!

 Posted by Davis on October 14, 2010  General  3 Responses »
Oct 142010
 

How often do we tell our kids the truth? Do we really stick with the facts while we are pulling, tugging, fixing, preparing, and helping them on a daily basis? Maybe and hopefully we do but how about when we are in a crisis? How about when we are about to “split up” with a significant other?

My friend Margaret has decided to leave her marriage. She has two small children ages 6 and and almost 4 and has been beating herself up about what and how to tell them. She has asked everyone for advice and has consulted with a therapist and many Internet sites on the topic and she has landed herself more confused and worried about just how screwed up she is going to make her children because she will be ripping them out of the delusion we have have bought into – the perfect family. When Margaret came to me I simply told her what I believe…It’s okay…tell them the truth and stick to the facts.

Here is our fun and candid dialogue. Continue reading »

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