Brooke

Celebrating Your Independence as a Single Parent

 Posted by Brooke on July 4, 2010  General, Raising Children as a Single Parent  No Responses »
Jul 042010
 

Happy Independence Day!

Today while we celebrate the freedoms that we have as Americans, also let us celebrate the independence we have as single parents. Some of us have chosen this independence, while some of us were not given the choice. Either way, please take a few minutes today to ponder the blessings of freedom we have as single parents.

The freedom from being in a loveless relationship.

The freedom from the arguing, the fighting, the silent treatment, and for some, the freedom from abuse. Continue reading »

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Choosing the Positive

 Posted by Brooke on June 28, 2010  General  No Responses »
Jun 282010
 

It can be easy to see everything that is stacked up against you. Money is tight, you work too much, the housework is never ending. You have two choices – you can see it as a challenge to overcome, or you can feel sorry for yourself.

If you consciously choose the positive mindset, it will start to come naturally. Before you let something weigh you down, take a moment and think of your options. Do you want to be angry and sad or do you want to take action and be happy? Being a single parent has unique challenges. Instead of dwelling on them, come up with unique solutions, and the world will start to look brighter!

Last week my son turned ten years old. Last week was also my son’s week with his father. Somehow the stars have always aligned in my favor, and I have had the pleasure of being the custodial parent so far on every birthday until this year. It broke my heart to think that my son may not get the same special birthday treatment at his dad’s house that I would give him. So I had two choices – I could let it bring me down, or I could choose the positive and come up with a good alternative. I chose the positive. Continue reading »

Lessons I Learned From My Single Mom

 Posted by Brooke on May 30, 2010  General  1 Response »
May 302010
 

I was raised mostly by a single mom. My parents separated when I was in 8th grade, but before that my dad had been a long haul truck driver who was on the road more often than he was home. Most of my childhood it was my mom, my sister and I. Having this background of being raised by a single mom, I had a reference point for my own single parent journey. I knew specifically what methods I was going to take from my own mother, and the ones I would not be repeating. My mom had made mistakes that I was determined to avoid.

I Will Not Be My Son’s Friend

My mom fell into a trap that is so easy to fall into. After the separation, she became my sister and my friend. She thought (from my view) that she could protect us better from the world if we trusted her like we trusted our friends. She wanted to be our confidant. Being her friend also gave my sister and I the freedom to do what we wanted. We had few rules, the world was our playground. On one hand it was spectacular. On the other, it was a travesty. My sister and I had lost one parent, we needed the other. We had plenty of friends, we needed a mom. Continue reading »

Taking 15 Minutes to Dance

 Posted by Brooke on May 24, 2010  Raising Children as a Single Parent, Taking Time for Yourself, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
May 242010
 
It seems that just when you think that you couldn’t possibly handle one more thing, the universe throws something else at you to prove you wrong. That has been my week. Actually that has been my month.

As women, and especially as mothers, we feel the need to be able to do it all. I’m not sure if women have felt this way since our cave-woman days, or if this is something that modern moms are pressuring ourselves into. While we are capable of dealing with an amazing quantity of things at once, somedays it does just become too much.

I have had some weird, thankfully not life threatening, health issues since turning 30 in January (which makes me love 30 even less!) After days of waiting for my doctor to call with my latest results, her nurse finally calls me on Monday telling me I need to see a new specialist. As I am talking to her on my mobile, my office phone rings and it is my son’s teacher. Apparently my cherub angel of a son and another kid had been caught flipping eachother off in class! Aye aye aye! Continue reading »

The Importance of Creating Family

 Posted by Brooke on May 16, 2010  Raising Children as a Single Parent  3 Responses »
May 162010
 

Everyone has heard the phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child.” As a single parent your village is even more important. Your village becomes your family; the people that you rely on to help you and child. When you are a single parent, especially when you are not in close proximity of actual relatives, the family that you create for yourself is critical to you and your child’s well being.

Last week I thanked my single parent support team publically for being my friend during those first few years of being a mom. Somewhere along the way, these friends became family and new friends joined the family. I may be a single mom, but I am certainly not alone. My biological family may live 200 miles away, but I always have family close by to turn to when I need to feel that familial support. But most importantly, my son has that large family experience that many children of single parents miss out on.

Christian has benefited in so many ways from our extended chosen family. He has learned to ride ATV’s, gotten to experience river rafting, and learned to ride a bicycle. He has had many consistent positive male influences in his life even when I have not. Christian has a gazillion auntie’s and uncle’s chosen because they are great people, and not just because we are related by blood. Christian has other kids in his life who act as little sisters and older brothers, and teach him the importance of give and take and compromise even though I only have one child. Continue reading »

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An Ode to My Single Mom Support Team

 Posted by Brooke on May 9, 2010  General  No Responses »
May 092010
 

Becoming a single parent can feel isolating. At 22, I become a single mom who was trying to find my footing in a world of co-parenting, creating my own home, and raising my son. My friends were finishing college, starting careers, dating and enjoying their youth. It was easy to see that I was in a different place in life, but that didn’t push my friends away. It actually brought us closer. In those first years of exploring and struggling through my new life my friends were my rock and my reality check. Now, almost 8 years later, some of these great friends are celebrating Mother’s Day today as mothers themselves, others are excelling in their careers and starting new ones, and some are starting new chapters in their lives. All of them remain at the forefront of my mind when I think back to those early days and the instrumental part they have played in me and my son’s lives, and today I thank them.

My dear friend Quinn, who is my oldest and dearest friend from childhood, the reason I live in this beautiful city and the woman who was with me when I bought my pregnancy test over ten years ago. I made her go into the other room while I took my pregnancy test because I knew that as soon as I walked out of the bathroom that she would know what the test said just by looking at me, and I needed to tell Matt before I told her. While other friends could have thrown in my face all of the hardships I would face as a young mother, she cried in celebration with me and told me what a wonderful mom I would be. She has always been there for me and my son, and I adore that Christian knows his Auntie Quinn and looks forward to the fun times they have together. Quinn has always been a source of inspiration to me with the kindness and compassion that she treats everyone with, and I am so happy that Christian has Quinn to look up to and to learn from. Quinnie…I don’t know what life would be like without you, and I hope that I never have to.

Throughout my relationship with Matt, we became friends with an amazing group of people. After Matt and I split, I was afraid that I would have lost these girlfriends who had become so dear to me. Boy was I wrong. Jenny and Karrie insisted that I came and stayed with them until my new apartment was ready for me to move into after the separation. Throughout the next years, Jenny and Karrie would come over for dinner at least once a week to Chez Brooke and give me some much needed adult interaction when I had Christian and desperately needed a conversation that didn’t revolve around Bob the Builder and Legos. Dinner wasn’t always spectacular, but the friendships that developed are. Jen was my go-to night out escape. Jen was always there, and still is, when I needed to hash out my problems and to forget my worries with some sort of crazy fun. Jen and I spent nights talking on my back deck over a beer or late nights dancing into the early morning. Jeanette and Jamie are my fellow Aquarian soul sisters. There is nothing that these two women and I have ever disagreed on, and I know that when I just need someone to understand me, that these are my ladies. Jenny, Jamie and Jeanette are now all wonderful mothers, and I am so happy and thrilled to see that they are just as wonderful at being a mom as I always knew they would. Karrie’s dedication to making an amazing life for herself always makes me so proud, but not as proud of what a dedicated friend she is. Jen has, after a long road, just graduated college and is on her way to becoming an incredibly successful accountant. To my Girls Night Girls…I don’t know what Christian and I would have done without you in those early days. You saved me from myself, and C and I will always love you all to pieces. Continue reading »

What Did You Call Me?

 Posted by Brooke on May 2, 2010  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent  1 Response »
May 022010
 

Yesterday I was in a  meeting with two single moms. One of them said she had met a woman the night before who refuses to be called a single mom, but a co-parent. “Genius,” I thought.

When meeting someone and they learn that I am a “single mom” the look on their face is always the same. Their expression goes from engaged to worrisome and sympathetic. “Oh wow! It must be so hard to be a single mom!” I quickly interject that my sons’ father and I share custody and I am not doing this completely on my own. I don’t want to mislead anyone. A single parent has faces struggles that I don’t have. I don’t deserve that credit. But that doesn’t mean that what I do is easy.

The world has a cut and dry view of what single parent means. But in reality there are two basic categories of single parents. There is the quintessential single parent, the one who doesn’t have the other parent involved in any aspect. Then there is the co-parent, whose ex-partner is in the picture and contributes in every aspect of child raising. But there is a gray zone in between which houses the single parent who’s ex only contributes financially, the widowed single parent whose partner didn’t abandon his or her children by choice, and the single parent whose ex lives a long distance away and only sees their children seasonally. You can break it down even further to single parent who is remarried, and married parent who feels like a single parent. Continue reading »

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