Feb 072012

The deepest and most intimate relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. Respect it, appreciate it, nurture it and protect it. Fall in love with yourself over and over again – there will be days when it is truly the only thing you can count on. Love YOU!  Michele DeVille

This past week I had a conversation with someone I am very close to and through her tears she shared with me that she was overwhelmed, stuck and so unhappy with her life. She compared herself to everyone else and questioned why others always seemed to have it better. She could not understand why life seemed so unfair and was frustrated that her friends had everything that she so badly wanted but could never seem to find. My friend talked of the next trip she was planning, the clothes she must buy and disclosed her wish to live in another country feeling she did not belong here. I tried to be compassionate and empathetic but I could not help but feel sorry for her knowing that happiness would continue to elude her if she did not learn to first love herself.

As humans it is easy to get caught up in the search for happiness but it is a search that often ends in misery because we search for it outside of ourselves. We come to depend on everything and everyone around us to make us happy and in the process we forget to love and appreciate the person that matters the most…..ourself! Failure to love oneself becomes a huge barrier to finding happiness and don’t forget that if we struggle to love ourselves it makes it far more difficult to truly love others.

So why is it so hard to love ourselves? Why do people waste so much of their life’s journey looking for love and happiness in all the wrong places? We are conditioned at an early age to perform and we belong to a society that demands perfection and creates the illusion that we often times need to be different and better than who we are to compete and fit in. Our best somehow never feels good enough and we compare ourselves to everyone and everything feeling like we constantly need to do more and be more. It is exhausting and unfortunately we often times set ourselves up for failure because the expectations we set upon ourselves are unrealistic. Instead of focusing on who we truly are on the inside and learning to love and appreciate what we have we focus on everything we are not and everything we seemingly don’t have. When we focus on what we don’t have versus what we do it feels impossible to be at peace and how can we love ourselves and be happy if we don’t feel adequate or good enough?

The result of this constant longing for more can spell disaster. In an effort to fit in, feel good enough and be happy people start filling their buckets with things that mean nothing and those things that hurt us the most. It is easy to become impulsive and to engage in behaviors that are destructive. It is true that some of these things might fill the emptiness in the moment but in the end these things are mere bandaids that are temporary and eventually the wounds will bleed again.

The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence but I can promise you that unless you are happy with yourself and have learned to love YOU it will be very difficult to find happiness in any yard. Even the greenest of grass can turn brown. The key to finding happiness begins with you. As I said in the quote above, “The deepest and most intimate relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. Respect it, appreciate it, nurture it and protect it. Fall in love with yourself over and over again – there will be days when it is truly the only thing you can count on. Love YOU!”

It is true that to love yourself, respect yourself, appreciate yourself, protect yourself and nurture yourself are key to building a strong foundation for living your best life possible. Stop depending on others to make you happy and stop believing that things will make your life complete. People change, things change and in truth, most things in life are unpredictable. The one thing you can count on is you each and every day and the power of choice is a gift that no one can take away. Be your biggest fan. Forgive yourself. Believe you will be okay and when you fall, get back up! Choose to love yourself. Choose to be happy and as the song below says, “That’s who I am”.

Stop searching so hard.  You don’t have to go anywhere to find love or happiness. Both have been walking the journey with you and have been tucked safely in your heart all along.

In Peace-




Michele DeVille is a Life Coach, Speaker and Author that has a passion to inspire others to live an extraordinary life at any age and regardless of the past. She believes that everyone has what they need from within to find their purpose, discover their passions and the courage to make the changes necessary to shift from where they are right now to where they want to be to live life to the fullest. Michele is the author of the book "The Path To Forgiveness" and is busy working on her second book. In addition to her love of coaching, speaking and writing she has over 20 years experience in business. She is a single mom of three amazing daughters and loves to travel, spend time up north, movies, reading, yoga, volunteering and spending times with friends and family.


  1. I am at the front of your class, a hungry student full of life’s mistakes. Your writing at http://www.singleparentstown.com/blog/2012/02/07/
    explains what I’ve been doing wrong all my life. I read it over and over. Thank you.

    • Ed – I am right there with you having attended the school of life's mistakes and I can tell you that learning to forgive ourselves and love ourselves can make a huge difference. I am so glad that this article has brought something to you. Love yourself and find the happiness you deserve!! Best of luck always…. Michele

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