I love my girls.
I love my ex husband.
I also love having a little time to myself.
As time has gone on I get less and less. As the girls have become teenagers and the fact my ex lives an hour away, the less they like to go to his house and linger around mine.
I understand this. As a teenage girl, I would not like to spend my weekends out in the middle of nowhere. We can all get on our soap box and say, “That’s too bad, they need to spend time with their father.” And…I agree. They have NOT spent enough time with their father over the last few years. But that is between him and the girls.
What is between me and them is this…I NEED JUST A LITTLE TIME TO HAND OVER SOME RESPONSIBILITY TO THEIR FATHER ON HIS WEEKENDS. I need just a little time to breathe.
I know some of the readers are thinking…at least she gets a break, my ex never sees the kids nor wants to or my children’s parent is deceased …at least she has an ex to give her a break. I know I am blessed but this is NOT what this message is about today. This message is about setting healthy boundaries, being respected, and learning to stick to what you say and not being manipulated by the children. Those are just a few things we need in life and to teach our children.
This past weekend I learned a lot.
I honestly cannot remember the last weekend I have not had a ‘straggler’ during my weekend. It sounds something like this, “Mom, dad let me spend the night at Taylor’s last night but they have to go somewhere and dad can’t come and get me until 2 o’clock so it okay if I come home for an hour till dad gets me?” “Is it okay if we stop by and grab something I forgot?” I could go on with how often I hear…”Is it okay if we…?” “We have to stop by for just a minute, do you mind?” “So and so needs to come by and grab her stuff, will you be home?” Needless to say, I have let it happen. I am a parent 100% of the time so I figure…sure it’s no big deal.
Well…it is.
After a slumber party had been hosted by my ex at my house on the Friday night, I came home to find 10 kids in my house, I ended up having two kids hanging out on Saturday because their plans fell through. Finally, the house was quiet at 9 p.m. on Saturday night. As I sat watching the football game on Sunday with the plan that we would all be meeting at a restaurant at 5:30 p.m. for Scout’s birthday dinner. A text came in. “Hey, is it okay if we drop Henley’s car off?” It was 3:30 and I fell off my crumpet!
Enough was enough. I wasn’t even home but I have had it. Can’t I just go a full day without plans changing? A plan is a plan…right?
But truth be told…I CREATED THIS. THIS IS A BEAST I CREATED OVER MY OWN NEED NOT TO UPSET MY EX AND MY GIRLS.
The lesson was for me. It was me who was allowing this. I was disrespecting my boundaries and letting my children manipulate me with the oh so common, “Geez, mom…it’s no big deal.” I was getting more and more angry with all of them but they were simply doing what I was giving them permission to do.
I had made it NO big deal.
Well, it is. I realized as we sat at dinner that night that I do need 2 weekends a month to relinquish control. My ex is a big boy, he can handle it all. I have to say, “Everyone has to be in dad’s hands from 6 p.m. on Friday until 6 p.m. Sunday night.” I need to do this for him too. I have to do it without guilt and without fear that they will blame me for ruining their weekend. It’s how it works.
As single parents I am sure we all have been in this situation but once again, I had to realize that this is not the only place I do these things in my life. They were just the catalyst for me to open my eyes.
I created the beast(s). Now it’s time to tame them.
Until next week…
Davis.
