Are You A Single Parent Because Of Abuse?

 Posted by Bill on August 21, 2011  Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  3 Responses »
Aug 212011
 

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.”

I was recently asked to write an article about becoming a single parent due to addiction or abuse. I guess that sometimes I forget that so many of us become single parents, not because we chose to and not because our marriage just didn’t work out, but because of addictions and abuse. Since I fall into the first category, single due to an addiction, I thought that I would try and understand what it truly means to become a single parent due to abuse.

Although I have lived this life, I still wanted to make sure that I had my basis and facts covered. The first thing that I did was go to the Internets all knowing dictionary, Wikipedia. Each time I go there I have the benefit viewing a page or two of relative information. Not much, but enough to get me up to speed on what it is I am trying to understand. This week I looked up the word “Abuse”. OMG (That’s text for those of you who don’t have teenagers which means OH MY GOD) There was page, after page, after page of definitions. Child abuse, dating abuse, addiction abuse, abuse of power and the big one domestic abuse. The definition ofdomestic abuse is described below: Continue reading »

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Pride Can Blind.

 Posted by Michael on August 19, 2011  General  3 Responses »
Aug 192011
 

During our divorce 5 years ago, my former wife and I agreed to share custody of our three children. I had the kids one week and she had them the next. It was the best arrangement I could hope for, given the circumstances. Little did I know what God had in store for me just four months later.

I awoke that Thursday morning to learn my ex-wife (Tara) had been in a terrible car accident and the prognosis was not good. I spent much of the next two weeks at the hospital, where she was eventually removed from life support and allowed to pass away.

As friends and family gathered at her parent’s house after the funeral, I remember thinking I did not want to leave. I knew when I left with my children that evening our lives would never be the same. By not leaving, I was only postponing the inevitable. Reality would set in and our new normal would begin. I was now a full-time, single parent of three young children who just lost their mother and I was 100% responsible for their well-being. Continue reading »

Be Fearless…Be Who You Are!

 Posted by Davis on August 17, 2011  General  No Responses »
Aug 172011
 

I want to share a quote with you. I cannot remember where I got it so if someone wants to claim it…feel free.

“Integrity – it takes openness to achieve authenticity – to be able to say to yourself and to the world, ‘LIKE IT OR NOT, THIS IS WHO I AM!’ and then live that truth. Once we accept our humanity, integrity is not difficult at all.”

That totally speaks to me…doesn’t it you? Continue reading »

Brutal Honesty by Jennifer Maggio

 Posted by Jennifer on August 17, 2011  General  3 Responses »
Aug 172011
 

In my nearly 16 years of parenting, I have made some grave mistakes. I have screamed and thrown temper tantrums probably more than my own children, at times. I think back to my 7 years of parenting alone. I was a scared, young teenager and had no idea how to take care of a baby. “Someone should still be taking care of me,” I often thought. But that wasn’t the case and I was left with no choice, but to learn to cook, clean, prepare diaper bags for the daycare, sing lullabies, and so on. I was tired, financially broken, emotionally ruined, and felt I couldn’t go on. I took out my frustration on my children.

When my son was only 4 years old, I was sick of going through the single parenting journey—sick of no one understanding how little money I had, how I could never get ahead, sick of not knowing where my boyfriend was, and having no help. My little son came to me and was quite whiney one afternoon. Before I knew it, I had slapped him across his little face and blood came spewing from his nose. I had busted my four-year-old’s nose. What had I done?! I was a terrible parent.

I hated myself for all my inadequacies, for my failure as a mom, for the fact that my children didn’t have the life they deserved. And now…..this! Continue reading »

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Can The “WOW” Factor Last?

 Posted by Michele on August 16, 2011  General  No Responses »
Aug 162011
 

Last week I wrote about The “WOW” Factor and the response was amazing. It seems that most of us that are single or married are in search of it or wishing they had a little of it. One of the emails I received created a discussion around can The “WOW” Factor last? I have been thinking about that all week and I can tell you that my thoughts on it are both simple and complex. Do I think the “WOW” can last for one year, five years, twenty years or fifty? YES! Will it be easy? NO! Will it take lots of hard work, patience, commitment and perseverance? YES! Will it be the same or as intense  as it was in the beginning? Probably not.

Again, some will say this is impossible and that I am living in a dream world or a fairy tale but I believe that anything is possible and that if two people had the “WOW” once they can keep it alive or work towards getting it back if it was lost along the way. While there are couples out there that should not have been together in the first place and perhaps never had the “WOW”, most people have some level of “WOW” when they first meet, choose to date and eventually get married. As I mentioned before, I have experienced “WOW” and I have experienced it more than once. Each time it was a bit different but I knew it when I had it and I absolutely am in search of it again.

Unfortunately, the “WOW” does not always last and it slips through our fingers and fades into the grips of time without any one of us recognizing it is lost until it is too late. Sometimes it disappears quickly and for others it can take years but either way the loss of “WOW” leaves most of us scratching our heads and waking up one day wondering what happened and questioning who this person is sitting across from us at the dinner table with nothing to say. It leaves people feeling sad, empty and wishing for more. The loss of “WOW” can leave a hole in our hearts and we somehow feel incomplete and like something very important is missing in our lives. I have lost the “WOW” in relationships and it made me start wondering why. Why do people lose the “WOW”? Continue reading »

My Reasons For Loving Having Teenagers…

 Posted by Bill on August 14, 2011  General, Teenagers  No Responses »
Aug 142011
 

I can’t tell you the number of people who when I tell them that I have teenagers say something like “Wow that must be tough” or “Good luck, you will need it”. I don’t care, I love having teenagers. I really do. Granted I am decades away from my teen years, I can still remember what my life was like as a teenager for me. I can remember when I was honest with my parents and I can remember when I was not. I can remember all of the things that I put my parents through, granted some of the things I didn’t think were that big of a deal they sure disagreed with me on . Believe me growing up in a family of five, where you came home when the street lights came on, gave us  allot of time to put our parents through hell. I know that my kids, or at least one of them, will do the same to me but… I still love having teenagers.

So why do you love having teenagers you ask? Why after all that you put your parents through, why after all of the warnings others are giving you, why knowing full well that the “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” do you still love having teenagers? Well here is why in this weeks (drum roll please):

TOP 10 LIST WHY I LIKE HAVING TEENAGERS: Continue reading »

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DATE, It Doesn’t Have To Be a 4 Letter Word.

 Posted by Michael on August 11, 2011  General  1 Response »
Aug 112011
 

Before I get into the article, I want to point out the subject of dating can cover an entire book (online dating could cover 5 or 6…. :) . I do not necessarily like to write in first person, but for the sake of this blog, felt the point may come across more clear if I did. I’ll surrender to the grammar police later.

Let’s face it. We have all had this discussion at one point or another. Dating as a single parent is nothing like dating prior to becoming parents, or when we were younger. We may have put on a few pounds or have a lot less hair and, oh btw, we have children to consider now. The dynamics have completely changed.

Many who have gone through a divorce probably had to attend a class designated to help you communicate the circumstances of the divorce to your children. The state I live in requires you to attend. While I attended the class, it had very little to do with the children, and more to do with giving the adults a pulpit to vent their frustration and anger towards their soon to be ex spouse. Since I happened to attend with my soon to be ex spouse, I wisely chose to be a passive observer. I was impressed with one piece of advice given. A woman asked the instructor when it would be healthy to start dating again (fortunately, her soon to be ex was not with her) and he simply said it was healthy to start dating again when the pain is gone and the bitterness and resentment towards your ex has subsided. Uh Oh, I thought at the time. Looks like I’ll be single for quite some time!! In all my infinite wisdom and as impressed as I was with the answer given, I chose not to heed the instructor’s advice and started dating right out of the gate. It was not one of my better decisions. Continue reading »

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