The other day I was channel surfing and I stopped when I saw a familiar face. It was M. Gary Neuman. I feel like I know Gary because I read his book, Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way, and I have seen him on Oprah. There are a lot of self help books out there, and a lot of divorce books, too. But what really got me about Gary’s book is that he gets kids and when you read his book, you get a better understanding how all the marital turmoil affects children.
Gary provides insight into the world of children. Pictures, letters and quotes from kids are included. You can probably get a copy at the library.
On the Joy Behar’s show Gary said something like this: “During divorce parents are at their worst (hurt, angry, financially and emotionally wrecked), and that is when their children need them the most.” Many parents get stuck in their bad place and the kids are left feeling alone and confused.
I teach college students in my writing classes. We work on personal essay writing part of the time, and I have the priviledge of reading their stories. Many write about family, loss, divorce, heartbreak. Often the students who write about divorce write pieces to give tribute to the parent who focused on their feelings and made sacrifices to put the them first.
If you follow the advice in the book, other people (friends, family, coworkers, other parents etc) might question some of your decisions. They might think you are letting the ex take advantage of you or get off easy, but if you ask yourself: is this what my child needs now, and then do that…well, your kids will thank you later. You might even get an essay on it.
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