Real Change Happens Slowly

Change is the Only Constant.–Zen teaching

We are almost through the holidays 2010 and I am three pounds heavier when they started. Too much indulging in holiday goodies and too much time away from my boys. When Thanksgiving and Dec. 1 rolled around, I feared Jan 1 and 2011 would never come.

Whew!  I made it through another holiday season of shuffling the kids back and forth to their father’s place during a stressful holiday time, and it seems all had a good time. My sons are transitioning back to our routine at home again. Over the week when the boys were visiting with their father I had time to think about just how far we have come.

New Year’s five years ago: our life was not working and I began to make steps for change. It was scary. Our daily lives spun out of control, debt crushed in. A marriage ended. Many, many changes happened over a course of one year. I made an expense sheet, I took a hard look at my spending, made a budget, worked a second job, got life insurance, prioritized purchases and repairs and took things one day at a time.  I sought support from knowledgeable people and close friends. It was heartbreaking to let go of old habits that I had nurtured for more than 20 years. But now when I look back 1, 825 days later I realize that those small changes I made each day have made a tremendous difference.

The weight loss commercials and exercise infomercials are in heavy rotation as 2011 approaches, yet quick fixes are not in the successful single parenting manual. Changes in spending and budgeting take time, and practice, and patience. New situations, housing, and schools take time to acclimate to. Discipline and parenting advice require love, time, and consistency.

Real progress  is difficult to see on a daily basis. I wish it were different. I enjoy instant gratification as much as the next person. But in the rearview, like when I look at my last five years, I can see that peace and contentment and some means of control over my life have come from these tiny steps. I have not done it alone, of course. Resources like this website, and interviews with many parenting experts, and authors  make  the difference. Asking for help from doctors, and accountants, and others who we can seek out to help us navigate chance make the difference.

Recently, I picked up the book, Teenage as a Second Language, from the library. I chuckled when I saw the cover, but as my sons enter the teenage years, I trepidation floods in. There is so much bad press about the teenage angst. How will I make it as a single parent of teen boys? But I know I will with patience, a persistence, help, and tiny, tiny steps.

In the new year, I will continue to blog at www.singleparentsavings.wordpress.com and I will continue to interview experts and parents about single parenting. I do this to help others and I do it to help myself. I so enjoy talking with people about the single parenting and the positive things we can create in our lives, one day at a time.

Here’s to 2011 and evolving change.