Note: Eliot gave me her blessings to write and share this.
This weekend was a doozy. I was away doing a 3 Day / 3 Night in L.A. with a couple to help their little one sleep better while my ex (Ron) was across the country in Illinois. It always leaves me a little uneasy when one of us is not around but I left the girls with Joe (my significant other) who has 3 kids of his own so it was all good. I have the mother thing of micro managing from afar so when Eliot (my middle daughter) checked in with me to make sure it was okay that she go to a Halloween party and spend the night with her friend, I was okay with it.
Until the call…
It was midnight and my phone rang. I looked down and saw it was Henley (my oldest). Nothing good can come from a call at midnight. I took a deep breath, “Hello.”
This is what I heard, “I’m sorry Eliot, I have to tell her!”
Again, I said, “Hello.”
And this is the fun conversation that went on from there:
“Mom!”
“Yeah.”
“I’m driving Eliot home from a party and she is wasted and throwing up all over Katee’s car.
I was feeling helpless and remembering the time when I was a teenager and drank so much that I was on the golf course throwing up and making every possible deal with God that I could. I was furious with her, empathetic, and knowing this was a defining moment for her.
Eliot was in the midst of experiencing who she is not to find out who she is. I told Henley to get her home and I would call Joe to give him the heads up. SIGH…
Before I go on I must give Henley kudos for being a rockstar big sister who was able to leave another party all together (sober) to take care of her little sister. That darn near brings tears to my eyes.
Once I was done wanting to yell, scream, correct, and punish her for being such an idiot (Scout gave this line) I realized she is no different than every human under the sun. We can pick apart what she did and feel free to in your own time but she was simply being…human. She felt the pain and she now knows what she wants and who she wants be next time.
And as a human our job is to experience life in order to find out who we are not to find out who we are.
And that is a beautiful thing!
davis.
.why dont you try being your daughters mother instead of their friend? might work out a ilttle better for you.
to jds…i've never been their friend. do you have some pointers on creating the perfect teenager??? if so…blog away and i will take your pointers.
p.s. were you the perfect teen????
To the last comment, trust me she is there mother. Trust me. Thanks D for the perspective, I personally still want to kick her ass, but thats my job! Bottomline is teenagers are a roller coaster ride as a parent, it is for us and it was for ours. Bottomline. Can't wait to get off this ride!! Thanks again D you are the best!
Ron, the Ex
I think its who the kids are surrounded by and the parents. When parents are too strict the child is bound to rebel they want that feeling of freedom and edge. So get off your ass get a job get over that sleep solution scam and quit trying to steal the money out of people's pockets. Maybe your daughter wouldnt be making choices like that if you talked to her once in awhile and set strong boundaries because if you had boundaries set chances are she wouldnt have even gone down that rode.
Hmmmm… silly people trying to tell you things that they have no clue about. I would have treated my daughter the same way you did, Davis. I talk to my kids all the time, I am strict when I need to be and I have amazing girls. They are perfect. Straight A students, never in trouble, kind and wonderful. All the things I am sure your kids are. I, on the other hand, was a horrible teenager. I was drunk in highschool and never followed my parents rules. In fact, I was throwing my clothes out my bedroom window at 5 a.m. on the day I turned 18 to get out of my parents house. They told me I was living with them until I was married… oh, that's a wise decision. Forcing me to get married, basically, so I could get out on my own. No way!
So, being raised strict did me a lot of good, ha!!! These people who posted their stupid, opinionated comments should be ignored. For one thing, they don't know your life and have no clue your relationship with your girls. Don't you dare let these people get to you. It sounds like you have a job (even more than just a "job"), you are there for your children, and you have a wonderful relationship in which your children aren't afraid to come to you when they are in a difficult situation. Unlike me, who lied through my teeth to my parents because they would have beat me if I dare came to them in need. Guilt is an amazing punishment and I am sure your daughter felt more than enough guilt in disappointing you and her dad, along with the humiliation of her friends and sisters.
Boundaries come in many forms. Love and respect is a big boundary along with the black and white boundaries we set. Our kids can hang around with "perfect" friends and still find themselves in a situation that is not good. I would love to know any parent who's child has never been in some sort of trouble! Growing up means learning how to handle certain life experiences which can be good for kids. Life is not perfect and neither are our kids or us!
You just contradicted yourself….First you say " I have amazing girls. They are perfect." and the next paragraph you say "Life is not perfect and neither are our kids or us!" so where exactly do you stand Kathleen? Don't even bother arguing you won't win.
I saw that… sorry, I'm NOT perfect! You are a tough bunch… I wondered who would respond to that! At least, you are paying attention. The point is we are all different and one way of parenting may not suit another person's way of parenting.
Grow up and stop attacking people… maybe you would understand if you were more patient and not so perfect, or so you think!
And, ya know what? My kids are perfect enough for me!!!!
I should have said, I saw then when I posted the original post…
Oh please Kathleen, quit acting like your going to win this….
At least my kids arent sleeping around…
I love that my blog cause such conversation. Thank you Kathleen.
Sheila…relax. Maybe you will benefit from my blog… Whose Business are you in?
Have a good day and keep reading.
Wow, Sheila. Kids are just that, Kids. I had fun in High School. I drank, I smoked weed, had sex, ditched class, got messed up at a party and woke up 3 towns away with no clue how I got there. I got in trouble, I also had great adults like my aunt and uncles (and my parents) lecture me time and time again. I never cared. Some kids just don't care. That's the way that it is.
I think it's a part of learning. I am now 25 years old, married for 6 years and have a 2 yr old daughter. I'm in school full time, starting a non-profit art organization and serving my country full time with 2 combat tours under my belt. I consider myself to be a rather well driven successful individual. I don't make any of the mistakes that I made in High School now because I made them then and I learned from them.
A drunk teenager isn't the end of the world. How many times have you had a few cocktales and got behind the wheel of your car? I bet more times than that teenager has been drunk. It's human nature.
Davis's daughters have great role models and are going to BE great role models. Davis knows the line between friend, mother, aunt, mentor……I'm quite certain that she does the best that she can in all areas of being a mother, to include providing for their futures as well as putting food on the table. In my eyes, no matter her techniques, if she's giving it her all and her children learn from her, then she's doing A LOT better than most parents.
You must have either been adopted or a bastard child then because when I was a kid I didn't do any of those things….
Wow Trevor!!! That was amazing and a true testiment of being a teenager who has truly found who the are not to fing who they are! I think you speak for all of us who have the courage to learn from life versus being ashamed of life. I love you!
Aunt doh!
and…forgive my typos! I am on a new computer.
you clearly did not take English classes you crazy ass bitch!
Talk shit get hit Barb dont tell me how to raise my kids you low life at least i whent to college.
that was not to you davis but to ‘sheila, the all knowing doctor.’
@Sheila you need to take an English class you crazy ass bitch!
No need for name calling now you white trash hillbilly, why don't you and all these people take parenting classes and quit acting like your kids are your "homies". They are probably…Actually I know for a fact that they are doing ecstasy drinking alcohol smoking and having sex…You should be ashamed of yourselves for being so oblivious and lenient pathetic parents.
ROCK THE FUCK ON SHEILA
Fascinating that you don't like this blog, but you are here commenting. Stop reading this and move on, then!!!!
Hey Kathleen why dont you go take your own advice and stop worrying about these comments and wtf i am doing, SOUND GOOD?
Thanks loads Julie, at least someone with a brain has finally read this blog and see's through my eyes…Unlike these white trash people. I feel like I need to wash my hands just from reading these..
Wow…obviously you are the white trash hill billy here.
I'm the white trash hillbilly? Well I guess your an oxy moron because I have class, a good family and my children act their age and not like they are 21… Speaking of age I suggest you act your age and not your shoe size Jessica..Hate makes you ugly and I bet you have the face of a pitbull by now..Xoxo.
Infact, your just jealouse..Your jealous of my whole life!
Sheila,
You claim to be a Doctor and you claim that you are so much better than all of us. Yet you can't type in corret English. You are also demonstrating your ignorance, lack of intelligence and immaturity by provoking and insulting people. You also resort to the use of racial slurs. This is a public forum, a blog, something that you CHOOSE to read. If you don't agree with it, back it up with facts, not racial slurs and insults. If you don't like it, don't read it. The greatest thing in America is Freedom, something that I and a huge amount of other people have put our lives on the line to defend. Something that some gave their lives for. Freedom of Speech. Freedom of Religion. But I suppose that you are a Liberal. You expect everyone to to accommodate and tolerate your beliefs, but turn around and oppress theirs. I think that it's time for you to grow up or shut up.
Alright "Trevor Elliot" I am a Doctor if you would like to see my damn PHD, I graduated from university of Stanford thank you very much..I have a question? Why are you avoiding the subject and dragging this freedom speech on? I realize we are in America okay? For your information Mr.Freedom I can read this blog if I want to, it is my opinion that I think what happened is a complete outrage but then again it is not my problem I am simply sharing my opinion…If I think your all white trash hillbillys then GOD DAMNIT I WILL SAY IT! I am not a liberal actually. For your information..I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ…All I'm saying is do you think he would support what chaos is being done and that all you are just sitting watching and eating some fried chicken? Yeah I don't think so Colonel…
Okay, Sheila you just need to get a life dude.. Seriously your the one contradicting yourself in every one of those replies of yours..And don't act like you know Davis or Eliot or anyone in their family.. She is a really strong independant woman and she really cares about her kids, Eliot is a good kid she just makes mistakes but that's all apart of growing up. Please don't sit there with a grin on your face acting like your better then everyone on here, because you clearly aren't for a numerous amount of reasons..number one your starting all this drama when your what..? LIKE 40? Seriously get over it your not in highschool anymore.. Number two, do you even know Davis or her kids?! Why are you wasting your time on this blog?! And number three, you have NO RIGHT to tell someone they are a bad parent, she does everything in her power to provide for her kids and protect them and support them and most importantly love them no matter what mistakes they make..If you can't come to realize that..You seriously need a reality check..Take that "PHD" of yours and shove it up your ass!
Thank you Stephen – whoever you are! I do my best.
Your welcome she is crazy, I got your back and so does everyone else!