Oh, I’m Sorry, Were You Offended?

Since I’m writing to a group of single parents, I figured we needed to go ahead and put this one out there – OFFENSE.  Man, oh man, how I sprint to avoid bitter and offended folks!  Let me give you a news flash.  Your hurt, your offense, your bitterness, your unforgivness does nothing to THEIR lives.  It does not hurt your ex-mother-in-law, your ex-husband, or your ex-boyfriend.  In fact, they’ve probably forgotten what they did to offend you in the first place.

In having counseled literally hundreds of single moms, I can tell you that I have never sat with one mom who didn’t have a reason to be angry or hurt – not one.  They all have a story.  We all have a story. 

I was astonished to recently stumble upon a single parent’s site that promoted “Tell-us-why-you-hate-your-baby’s-daddy Day”.  Are you kidding me?!  Am I the only one that sees the insanity in this?!  What do you hope to accomplish?  So…………..we paint little George’s daddy as a complete loser for not paying you child support or for beating you or whatever (albeit horrible things), then………. what?  Who does it hurt?  Let me answer this for you.  YOU.  It hurts you.  For every time you relive the pain and revisit the conversations or the events that devastated you, you live in that moment.   It’s amazing that we sometimes cannot remember where we parked after a 15-minute grocery trip to Walmart, but we can remember for the next 15 years the exact conversation where someone offended us!

Your offense, bitterness, and unforgiveness holds you hostage.  It’s what you wake up smelling like and the aroma you give off when others pass you by.  If you are taking every opportunity to bash your ex, stop!  Your children will appreciate it.  Let go.  Forgive.  And, yes, that means you.

“Jennifer, you don’t know what my ex did to me.  You don’t know how he’s treated our child.”  Girls and guys, I have been victimized in every way imagineable.  I’ve had the deadbeat dad scenario in my own life.  I’ve had the abuse.  I’ve had the poverty.  If anyone can play the victim role, it’s me!  I choose to live life to its fullest.  I choose to forgive every travesty that has been done to me.  I made a choice that as for me and my household, we will rejoice and be glad in today alone.  My past does not define my future.  And there’s great freedom in that.

For another look at ”Bitterness and Unforgiveness” read my thoughts, at  http://jennifermaggio.blogspot.com/2010/03/bitterness-unforgiveness.html.

Jennifer Barnes Maggio is considered one of the nation’s leading authorities on single parent issues. Her new book, Overwhelmed: The Life of a Single Mom, is selling out in bookstores across the nation. She has been featured on countless radio programs and in magazines, including The Mike and Carrie Morning Show, Inspired Life, Power Women, and more.  For more information on Jennifer or her new book, visit http://www.jennifermaggio.com.