20 Questions

Lately Paris has been asking me random out of the blue questions like, “What was the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen” or “What was the strangest thing that has ever happened to you?” The questions come totally out of left field and many times I am left saying, “Uh, I don’t know.”

I find it very interesting that she is in such an inquistive place right now. She’s always been very curious but now her curiousity is putting the spotlight on my life. I don’t know where this is coming from. There is a part of me that is thrilled that she wants to know so much about my life and the way I think but there is another part of me that wants to hide it from her. It surprises me that I want to hide certain things from her.

But, for the most part, I try to answer her questions as candidly and openly as I can. My main motivation for doing so is because of the secrecy surrounding my dad’s life. The little that he has given me access to his childhood, I know it wasn’t a pleasant one. I learned at a very early age to not ask him anything in regards to his family or his upbringing because I knew in doing so would bring very ugly feelings to the surface that he doesn’t want to show me.

I don’t know his mom, dad or anyone on his side of the family. This makes me feel as though a part of who I am is missing and hidden. It disturbs me. But I also know that asking any questions opens a pandora’s box that brings him great agony to talk about and the last thing I want to do is bring him pain.

So when Paris asks me questions that bring up those uncomfortable feelings about my past, I do the best I can to reveal the information because I don’t want her to ever feel like she doesn’t know who her mother is. I try to answer her questions as openly and honestly as I can.

I wonder why now she is so curious about me, where I’ve been, what I’ve done and how I think. Maybe it’s the age. I don’t know. But knowing the void I have felt in my life over the little information I have been given about my dad’s side of the family, how he thinks, what he’s done and where’s been, I make it a point to provide Paris with as much information as possible.

But the question I have is, how much do I let her know and what is better to keep as a secret? I think maybe I’m going to the opposite end of the spectrum and being totally open so I’m seeking the balance. I know we don’t have to expose everything for the welfare of our children, but how much is too much and how much is too little? Again, I don’t know. But if I get an answer on that I’ll be sure to let you know.

Single mom, organizing and productivity expert, Tracy Paye has been transforming spaces into livable and lovable environments since the age of 12. Tracy’s passion is to help people experience freedom from their internal and external clutter, creating a refreshing sense of satisfaction for a more enjoyable & stress free life! Through hands on organizing, coaching, consulting, speaking engagements, media appearances, and writing Tracy has positively impacted countless number of lives by inspiring, empowering and motivating people to take action and take back control of their lives. She specializes in working with people living with ADD/ADHD and helps families develop coping strategies. If you are interested in learning more about Tracy’s organizing services you can visit her at www.tracypaye.com. You can also follow her on Twitter www.twitter.com/missorganized.