Single Parents Town Blog

Lately Paris has been asking me random out of the blue questions like, “What was the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen” or “What was the strangest thing that has ever happened to you?” The questions come totally out of left field and many times I am left saying, “Uh, I don’t know.”

I find it very interesting that she is in such an inquistive place right now. She’s always been very curious but now her curiousity is putting the spotlight on my life. I don’t know where this is coming from. There is a part of me that is thrilled that she wants to know so much about my life and the way I think but there is another part of me that wants to hide it from her. It surprises me that I want to hide certain things from her.

But, for the most part, I try to answer her questions as candidly and openly as I can. My main motivation for doing so is because of the secrecy surrounding my dad’s life. The little that he has given me access to his childhood, I know it wasn’t a pleasant one. I learned at a very early age to not ask him anything in regards to his family or his upbringing because I knew in doing so would bring very ugly feelings to the surface that he doesn’t want to show me. Continue reading »

Doesn’t it seem like today’s kids are wise beyond their years? Like they are little Yoda’s?

I’m still in shock when Paris says something wise or introspective. Like when she was about 4 years old and we were strolling along in the mall when out of the blue she asked, “Mommy, why do people hurt each other in the world?” Or when she made the comparision that a mother’s womb is the universe. Um, what? I’ve gotten use to it now though. Yet, I still sit in awe when she says something profound or causes me to reflect. And when I engage in the conversation, I choose to not dumb it down a whole lot. Lately though, when I attempt to explain things to her that may be more of the estoretic nature, she rolls her eyes at me. Ya, I did the same with my mom. But you just wait kid. Someday you are going to be thankful that I dropped some knowledge on ya. I’ll start selecting my dress now for your accepting the nobel peace prize speech. Hey, a mother can dream can’t she?

Aside from the wisdom that comes out of her, she has an ability to know when something seems off to her and she doesn’t hesitate to question it. That’s called trusting her gut. A little skill I taught her thank you very much. For example, she was about the same age and she had just returned home from spending some time with her dad in Kentucky. She started asking me if her classmates missed her. She asked, “Did Sophia miss me?” Not knowing if Sophia missed her but not wanting to disappoint her I said, “Yes.” She then proceeded to ask me the same question about 2 other kids of which my answer was yes, hoping she wouldn’t catch on to the fib I was telling her. She then said, “Did Jayden miss me?” Which of course, I said, “Yes.” She then squinted her little face and pointed her finger at me as if she just caught on to the lie and said, “Do you even know who Jayden is?” Dang, I was caught. I almost got away with it. I think I tried saying yes but was met with the I don’t believe you look. Can’t get away with much around this whipper snapper.

So why is it that some of our kids today seem not of this world? Well, I subscribe to the Indigo souls and Aquarian energy theories that many of the spiritualist believe. My views on certain topics are not easily accepted by everyone and I’m sure would be considered quite controversial and maybe a bit far fetched with many so I won’t stand on my soap box in this forum. But I will just say that a new humanity is making it’s way on the earth. A more evolved, loving humanity and the proof is in our kids. Ok, enough said with that. Continue reading »

Death is an inevitable part of the circle of life. Yet the final separation of one loved one from another often leaves bystanders feeling helpless, and maybe at a loss for what to say or how to help those who are left behind. When my husband died in an accident almost five years ago, I couldn’t think of one single thing that anyone could do to ease my pain. I felt as though half my body had been ripped away without warning; leaving me in a state of shock and aching to put my arms around the man I loved. In the face of this kind of pain, what is a friend to do? How can you reach out to someone who doesn’t answer the phone? When is insisting to help overstepping a boundary? Is there any practical thing that will ease the pain of someone who is grieving the loss of a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend? Should we mention the name of the person who has died, or does that inflict additional pain?  Here are a few suggestions for small kindnesses that do make a difference when reaching out to someone grieving the loss of someone they love.

1.)    Speak from your heart.  Words do matter, and shared memories of a loved one are priceless. If you remember something specific about the person who has died please share your memories. Being told stories we have never heard about the loved ones we have lost is a gift that validates the impact their life had on others.

2.)    Be yourself. Speak in a way and behave in a way that is natural for you. Continue the same relationship you had before: close friend, acquaintance, friendly neighbor, or friend of a friend. Offer help only if you are able to follow through, and in a way that makes sense in your life. Can you drive the carpool? Offer to drop off a meal? Mow the lawn once a week without even knocking on the door? Take the kids for a play date for the afternoon? Small kindnesses go a long way. Continue reading »