Could you be creating a future clutterer?

I am a Professional Organizer. The earliest memory of organizing is at 12 years old. Yes, I was one of those weird kids that actually found cleaning and organizing just as fun as playing. The point is, I’ve been doing this for a long time so not only do I understand the best ways to get organized but I have become very skilled at understanding the emotions that drive clutter behavior. And I have seen that there is almost a formula that can predict if there may be future cluttering tendencies based on how a person was treated in their childhood in regards to their stuff.

Through working with my latest wave of clients, I have seen some common themes pop up. Issues with controlling parents, boundaries and trouble with decision making.

Here’s the deal with disorganization and clutter. Outside of brain disabilities like ADD/ADHD, the majority of clutter and disorganization stems from the influence a parent or parents had over a person and their stuff in their childhood.

And the fact of the matter is because organizing is not a required subject in school (I’m working on that changing that), it is a learned behavior for most. Their are some that are blessed with the ability to be organized but not many. And the members of our households are the ones to teach us how to be or not to be disorganized. And if disorganized behavior was modeled for you and you have those tendencies then in order for you to be organized you have to educate yourself how to be organized. The sad thing is, that many people plod along in their lives not even being aware that if they just set up systems based on who they really are and how they really operate instead of how they think they are suppose to be, then they could possibly be organized. Or that if they would just not accept the labels that were given to them as being lazy or responsible rather than having, say, ADHD, then they may actually be able to be organized.

I was working in a garage the other day with a father and his daughter and I was able to see right in front of me how cluttering tendencies develop. We had sorted a bunch of clothes into boxes for the girl to look at. Here’s how the convo went. Dad holds up a piece of clothing and said:

Dad – Julie do you want this
Julie – No Dad I don’t
Dad – Well does it fit
Julie – Yes Dad it does but I don’t want it
Dad – Well we paid a lot of money for it are you sure you don’t want it
Julie – Yes Dad I told you I don’t want it
Dad – Well we should keep it because it still fits and we spent a lot of money on it
Julie – But it’s my stuff Dad and I can do what I want with it
Dad – Well we’re keeping it

Now here’s what that type of conversation can lead to:

1) – The inabiliy for one to not trust their own judgement. Instead of going with their gut instinct, they will always have a barage of questions that willl challenge their instinct and make them second guess themselves.

2) – They will have a difficult time making a decision. This goes back to the whole judgement thing. They will be afraid to make a decision for fear it may be the wrong one that could lead to negative consequences like be upsetting to someone else. I firmly believe that how much clutter one has is in direct proportion to how quickly they can make decisions.

3) – They will have a difficult time setting boundaries. They will potentially learn that it doesn’t matter what they feel is best for them they will just go with what someone else says to do and they will potentially learn that their wants and needs don’t matter anyway.

So, parents, if you find yourself being too controlling over your kids stuff first understand that you are just passing forward the same thing you were taught as a kid. And second know that the way you handle your child in relationship to their stuff can have a very big influence on how that child relates to more than just stuff in their life.

If you don’t want to pass on the same cluttering and disorganized tendencies that you have on to your kids, then make a conscious decision to be aware of what you are saying to your kids about their stuff. Things like telling them they should keep an item because their grandma gave it to them will create guilt. Telling them they shouldn’t get rid of something because they never know when they will need it again will create fear. And giving inanimate objects like Barbie Dolls “feelings” will create unhealthy attachments to things and cause hoarding because getting rid of it will make them feeel “bad”.

Make the conscioius choice today to change your family patterns of clutter and disorganization. Peace and calm is the reward for everyone.

Single mom, organizing and productivity expert, Tracy Paye has been transforming spaces into livable and lovable environments since the age of 12. Tracy’s passion is to help people experience freedom from their stuff and re-design their lives. Through hands on organizing, coaching, consulting, speaking engagements, media appearances, and writing Tracy has positively impacted countless people by inspiring, empowering and motivating people to take action and gain control of their lives. If you are interested to learn more about Tracy’s organizing services you can visit her site at www.tracypaye.com. You can also follow her on Twitter at www.twitter.com/missorganized.