My mother had a plaque in our kitchen when I was growing up as child. It sat propped up on the counter between the refrigerator and the stove. It was the poem “Children Learn What They Live” by Dorothy Law Nolte. I guess I must have read the poem a thousand times as a young girl when I was cleaning up or making breakfast. I haven’t really thought about it in years.
But now as my sons grow older (10 and 12) and I try to avoid those greatest lecture series moments I sometimes fall into, I realize they are always watching me even though they rarely comment on my behavior. They are also always watching our family, my ex, their teachers, other kids etc and trying to put it all together as to what is the “right” way to live.
In our house we talk about not trying to control other people’s behavior, and instead controlling our reactions to those behaviors. This is a tough lesson, especially when you love someone who does not do what you might think is best.
Sometimes, I feel helpless. But then then I think back my mom’s little plaque and think I don’t have to say anything, they are watching me, my intentions, and my reactions. All I have to do is live.
Children Learn What They Live
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
–Dorothy Law Nolte
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