Communicating takes on different forms at differnt stage of parent-child dynamic…

Kids communicate in all sorts of ways

Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said,
“Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”
— Steven Wright God, I love Steven Wright’s humor. Last night I had a conversation with another dad. He was asking about my experiences with my kiddos. Specifically, he wanted to know when and how I knew that they were just “going through a phase” or in need of some serious “assistance” (his word for therapy). What brought all this on was a new dynamic at his house with one of his daughters. He discussed her behavior and the new stuff that seemed to be flying around their home. He was concerned that maybe this was a cry for help from her and was concerned as to how he would know when to step up and assist her with her issues. We kicked this around for a bit and after awhile came to the thought that she is probably ok for now but that he should keep his finger on her pulse. Seems that she is still doing very well in school and has not had any significant discipline issues at school or at home for that matter. He was pretty well convinced that depression was not an issue with her either. It seemed to me that she was just “pre-boiling” some of the “tween angst” that comes up around that time frame in life. At different times in life, it seems like kids do a better job of communicating their needs and wants than at the tween and early teen years. This all reminds me of a scenario about 13 years ago. Two buddies, both dads, and I were having a business lunch. One of the guys had a brand new baby and was doing the “proud papa” thing. He had already shown us photos and had already told us that he was pretty well certain that this was one smart kid he had at his home. Then he launched into a description of the “baby sign language” which he and his wife were teaching this wee one. He explained that in early child development babies can communicate via sign language quite readily and this allows them to communicate needs and wants without the frustration of not yet being able to articulate via language. This was the first I had heard about baby sign language and I laughed and said, “Man, my kids never had a difficult time expressing themselves…when they wanted more juice they just slammed the empty ‘sippy cup’ on the high chair then threw it across the room.” (Now, I am not suggesting that baby sign language is not a good idea. I am just detailing my reaction the first time that I heard about it. I am sure it is good stuff.) Years later my sister’s oldest boy was about a year old and had been raised with baby sign language. The “sign” for “more” was to put one set of fingers into the palm of the other hand and draw it away (then do this again and again). He did this whenever he wanted more juice and didn’t seem to throw the cup across the room. Perhaps they were on to something but perhaps my son being able to throw a football and baseball the way he does has something to do with early “sippy cup” tossing. Anyway, so my nephew walks into the family room as we were all gathered for a big family party. Everyone of the adults shouts out “Hey, Mr. INSERT CHILD’S NAME HERE” is here! YEAH!” and we all started clapping for his grand entrance. The kid looked around the room and smiled large…then proceeded to put one set of fingers into the palm of the other hand and draw it away (then do this again and again). He liked that applause. He wanted more. He communicated thusly. I look at the manner in which my kiddos (and others) communicate and I can see that there are times when they are “emotionally” mature enough to communicate the emotional stuff they are going through. At other times they are not (reminds me of us adults some times). Looking beyond the communication (or lack of) to the actions (school work, peer choice, extra curricular activity level, etc.) is another way to keep a finger on the pulse as they are “communicating” all of the time. Some times it is just non-verbal.