Becoming a single parent can feel isolating. At 22, I become a single mom who was trying to find my footing in a world of co-parenting, creating my own home, and raising my son. My friends were finishing college, starting careers, dating and enjoying their youth. It was easy to see that I was in a different place in life, but that didn’t push my friends away. It actually brought us closer. In those first years of exploring and struggling through my new life my friends were my rock and my reality check. Now, almost 8 years later, some of these great friends are celebrating Mother’s Day today as mothers themselves, others are excelling in their careers and starting new ones, and some are starting new chapters in their lives. All of them remain at the forefront of my mind when I think back to those early days and the instrumental part they have played in me and my son’s lives, and today I thank them.
My dear friend Quinn, who is my oldest and dearest friend from childhood, the reason I live in this beautiful city and the woman who was with me when I bought my pregnancy test over ten years ago. I made her go into the other room while I took my pregnancy test because I knew that as soon as I walked out of the bathroom that she would know what the test said just by looking at me, and I needed to tell Matt before I told her. While other friends could have thrown in my face all of the hardships I would face as a young mother, she cried in celebration with me and told me what a wonderful mom I would be. She has always been there for me and my son, and I adore that Christian knows his Auntie Quinn and looks forward to the fun times they have together. Quinn has always been a source of inspiration to me with the kindness and compassion that she treats everyone with, and I am so happy that Christian has Quinn to look up to and to learn from. Quinnie…I don’t know what life would be like without you, and I hope that I never have to.
Throughout my relationship with Matt, we became friends with an amazing group of people. After Matt and I split, I was afraid that I would have lost these girlfriends who had become so dear to me. Boy was I wrong. Jenny and Karrie insisted that I came and stayed with them until my new apartment was ready for me to move into after the separation. Throughout the next years, Jenny and Karrie would come over for dinner at least once a week to Chez Brooke and give me some much needed adult interaction when I had Christian and desperately needed a conversation that didn’t revolve around Bob the Builder and Legos. Dinner wasn’t always spectacular, but the friendships that developed are. Jen was my go-to night out escape. Jen was always there, and still is, when I needed to hash out my problems and to forget my worries with some sort of crazy fun. Jen and I spent nights talking on my back deck over a beer or late nights dancing into the early morning. Jeanette and Jamie are my fellow Aquarian soul sisters. There is nothing that these two women and I have ever disagreed on, and I know that when I just need someone to understand me, that these are my ladies. Jenny, Jamie and Jeanette are now all wonderful mothers, and I am so happy and thrilled to see that they are just as wonderful at being a mom as I always knew they would. Karrie’s dedication to making an amazing life for herself always makes me so proud, but not as proud of what a dedicated friend she is. Jen has, after a long road, just graduated college and is on her way to becoming an incredibly successful accountant. To my Girls Night Girls…I don’t know what Christian and I would have done without you in those early days. You saved me from myself, and C and I will always love you all to pieces.
Leann came into my life right before I left Matt. She hired me for my first gig in the financial planning world, but we quickly became friends. When I left Matt, she was the first shoulder I cried my scared tears on. She was the encouragement that I could do this on my own, and that I would be better for it. Leann selflessly shared her family with me, and the first Christmas Eve I had to spend without my son, her family invited me into their home. I will never forget the gratitude I had for that. I always feel like I live a double life, but Leann is one of the few who I have gotten to live both lives with, and she is one of my biggest cheerleaders as a mom and as a woman. Leann is now a mom to two beautiful daughters. She is still one of those great kinds of friends who I can turn to and say, “I don’t know what to do…” and she will help me work through it.
Abby…dear, sweet, saved my sanity a million times over Abby. In thinking back to those first few years as a single mom, it seems as if Abby and I lived together, but in reality we lived 60 minutes apart. Literally…from door to door it was 60 minutes, we drove it enough that we had it down to a science. Abby is my best friend, my touchstone, my relief from my problems and the girl that makes me take a good hard look at myself when I am making bad decisions. Abby is the kind of friend that can give you the tough love lessons that you need to hear, but many aren’t brave enough to tackle. It seems like every weekend I was heading to Corvallis, or Abby was heading to Portland. With Abby I could be 22 and young and fun, and then the next day when my son came home, she would make the transition back into mommyhood with me and play football with my son or we would go explore together downtown. Abby was my self-esteem when I had none. She would look at the guy I was dating and say, “He’s fine for now, but you are better than that Brooke.” Abby is my best friend and I am so proud to say a wonderful mother. Today is her first Mother’s Day, and it just makes my heart beam to see little Maeve light up as soon as her mama walks into the room!
And then there is my sister, Brandi. The world would be a much better place if there were more women like Brandi in the world. She is not only the worlds greatest sister, but also helped me raise my son so much in those first few years that I think that Christian thought he had two moms. She is the kind of sister that every girls needs. The kind who you can have a two hour long phone conversation with at midnight when you have just been dumped, the kind who lets you borrow her favorite dress, the kind who picks you up off of the floor when you have nothing left of yourself to give. Brandi had just moved back home when I became a single mom, but she always made time to call me and ask how I was doing. I can’t tell you how many nights I couldn’t wait to pick up the phone and call my sister after Christian had gone to bed. She was my rock, and she still is. My sister is the most selfless, giving woman that I have the pleasure of knowing. Brandi has a way with kids. It’s like she has a beacon above her head and kids flock to her. She is an amazing mother to what I affectionately refer to as 29 kids. In actuality she has two of her own, and four step children. She loves every single one of those kids like her own, and still has time at the end of the day to be a wonderful Teetee to Christian. Hands down Brandi is the most phenominal woman I know.
I know that most of you reading this don’t have a clue as to who these amazing ladies are. But you need them. As a single mom or dad you need a Quinn, a Jenny, a Karrie, a Jen, a Jeanette, a Jamie, a Leann, an Abby and a Brandi. I couldn’t have done it without them. I could not have been a good mom, a good friend, or good to myself without my single mom support team. Your team is essential. I know that at times it may feel like you are doing it all by yourself, but I bet if you look hard enough you will see your team there in the shadows giving you the strength, the courage and the support to do all that you.
To my team…these words aren’t nearly enough to express the love and the gratitude I have for all of you. You mean the world to me and to Christian, and I am so proud to call you my friends. Happy Mother’s Day. I love you!
