My Graduate

 Posted by MicheleN on May 31, 2010  General  No Responses »
May 312010
 

On May 29Th my little girl graduated from High School. The ceremony took place in a beautiful garden with an audience full of proud family and friends and an air of hope for the future all around. My mind drifted back to a time in my own life when naivety and optimism were companions I knew well.

As with most milestones that we have experienced since the death of my husband on 8/31/05 there was a bittersweet quality to our celebration. Phil is a regular topic of conversation in our home, and we welcome him to our family gatherings now by commenting on what he would do if he were here, things we remember about past celebrations, and the ways we still miss him today. We tend to do this instinctively, and often separately. Our remembrances create a space for Phil to join us on our continuing life path.

As I listened to the speakers at the commencement ceremony I thought back to my own high school graduation and the ways that my view of the impact one person makes on the world has changed since that day many years ago. I remember being encouraged to work hard, discover and follow a dream, set ever higher standards, and live a responsible life. All good advice; yet I can’t help but feel that collectively we often fail to remind our graduates (and ourselves too) of a few essential components of determining a life well lived. But graduates who have lost someone they love have achieved a distinction that others their age have not, and have learned lessons that they will carry with them throughout their lives. My daughter knows some things that I did not when I entered the adult world. Continue reading »

 Tagged with: , , , , ,

Lessons I Learned From My Single Mom

 Posted by Brooke on May 30, 2010  General  1 Response »
May 302010
 

I was raised mostly by a single mom. My parents separated when I was in 8th grade, but before that my dad had been a long haul truck driver who was on the road more often than he was home. Most of my childhood it was my mom, my sister and I. Having this background of being raised by a single mom, I had a reference point for my own single parent journey. I knew specifically what methods I was going to take from my own mother, and the ones I would not be repeating. My mom had made mistakes that I was determined to avoid.

I Will Not Be My Son’s Friend

My mom fell into a trap that is so easy to fall into. After the separation, she became my sister and my friend. She thought (from my view) that she could protect us better from the world if we trusted her like we trusted our friends. She wanted to be our confidant. Being her friend also gave my sister and I the freedom to do what we wanted. We had few rules, the world was our playground. On one hand it was spectacular. On the other, it was a travesty. My sister and I had lost one parent, we needed the other. We had plenty of friends, we needed a mom. Continue reading »

Holiday Illusions

 Posted by Lisa on May 28, 2010  General  No Responses »
May 282010
 

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” -E.M. Forster

I think of this quote often and especially on holidays. Somewhere a long time ago (probably around elementary school) I conjured up this picture of someday spending the holidays with my children and my husband doing of series of, you know, Hallmark card moments. For this upcoming weekend, we would had a BBQ (in fact we had one at our house on Memorial Day for many years) and many of our extended family would be around. In my mind, it was idyllic. In real life, honestly, it was nice but frantic, too–with planning, shopping and cleaning and gardening.

I don’t host those big BBQs anymore, I have a patio container garden instead of large and colorful flower beds and for most of this weekend my children will not be with me. A melancholoy usually sets in a early in the week before a holiday and I wonder what my problem is until I remember that a holiday is coming. For this Memorial Day weekend, I have some plans, nothing big, and I know my boys will have a good time with their dad. Yet, somewhere deep within in me I mourn for the life I thought I would be living, one in which I would spend every hour of every holiday with my children, and my girlhood dreams would be realized. Continue reading »

All the single mommies all the single mommies

 Posted by Tracy on May 26, 2010  General  2 Responses »
May 262010
 

I have had the priviledge to live with one of my closets friends, who is also a single mommie, for the past month. It’s so nice to connect with other single parents and see that my struggles are their struggles, my exhaustion is the same look I see on there face, my attempt to get it all in and still have some me time is the same attempt they are making. Yes, married parents have this too, but it’s like take any of those emotions and shoot it with steroids and that’s what it feels like for single parents sometimes. Sound overly dramatic? Well, perhaps. I mean my mom did call me a drama queen growing up after all. But when you are tired, stressed, confused and did I say exhausted it sure feels dramatic when you have to handle those emotions and deal with a kid at the same time.

She has a 13 year old son. This has been quite a change for me. I haven’t lived with a teenage boy since my brother. It’s amazing how different boys and girls are but I must say it’s been a lot of fun hanging around him. He convinced me to play bloody knuckles with him and my adrenaline junky persona stepped in and said, “Let’s do this.” Only the bloody knuckles of today isn’t the same as when we were growing up so I have learned. They flick quarters at each others knuckles and try to get them to bleed. I took it as training for when I hopefully have a son someday I’m prepared for all of the “boy” games.

My friend also gave me a huge compliment by telling me that it’s been so helpful to her to have someone else in the house who can pay attention to her son because sometimes she feels guilty for not giving him enough attention. What parent hasn’t felt that from time to time? Keeping up with the level of attention she needs too, I also find challenging. Continue reading »

A Dad’s Point-of-View by Bruce Sallan – Were Your Parents There For You?

 Posted by Bruce on May 25, 2010  General  No Responses »
May 252010
 

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan

Were Your Father and Mother There For You?

This topic is so obvious yet I have yet to write about it. It may be partly because it is so close to home, for my boys. I was blessed to have my mother and father in my life completely and lovingly, until they died in recent years (at 89 and 90). They loved me, supported me, and told me the truth when I needed to hear it, whether I wanted it or not.

As is so often the case, I found their wisdom to be true once I survived my teens and particularly when I became a parent myself. They also modeled a love affair and marriage that was the envy of all their friends, since they knew each other for 73 years and were married for 66. It was a wonderful match. They survived two of their three children, but always stood by each other and I am so grateful for all that they did for me. Continue reading »

 Tagged with: , , , , , , ,

Taking 15 Minutes to Dance

 Posted by Brooke on May 24, 2010  Raising Children as a Single Parent, Taking Time for Yourself, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
May 242010
 
It seems that just when you think that you couldn’t possibly handle one more thing, the universe throws something else at you to prove you wrong. That has been my week. Actually that has been my month.

As women, and especially as mothers, we feel the need to be able to do it all. I’m not sure if women have felt this way since our cave-woman days, or if this is something that modern moms are pressuring ourselves into. While we are capable of dealing with an amazing quantity of things at once, somedays it does just become too much.

I have had some weird, thankfully not life threatening, health issues since turning 30 in January (which makes me love 30 even less!) After days of waiting for my doctor to call with my latest results, her nurse finally calls me on Monday telling me I need to see a new specialist. As I am talking to her on my mobile, my office phone rings and it is my son’s teacher. Apparently my cherub angel of a son and another kid had been caught flipping eachother off in class! Aye aye aye! Continue reading »

Communicating takes on different forms at differnt stage of parent-child dynamic…

 Posted by Patrick on May 24, 2010  General  2 Responses »
May 242010
 

Kids communicate in all sorts of ways

Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said,
“Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”
— Steven Wright God, I love Steven Wright’s humor. Last night I had a conversation with another dad. He was asking about my experiences with my kiddos. Specifically, he wanted to know when and how I knew that they were just “going through a phase” or in need of some serious “assistance” (his word for therapy). What brought all this on was a new dynamic at his house with one of his daughters. He discussed her behavior and the new stuff that seemed to be flying around their home. He was concerned that maybe this was a cry for help from her and was concerned as to how he would know when to step up and assist her with her issues. We kicked this around for a bit and after awhile came to the thought that she is probably ok for now but that he should keep his finger on her pulse. Seems that she is still doing very well in school and has not had any significant discipline issues at school or at home for that matter. He was pretty well convinced that depression was not an issue with her either. It seemed to me that she was just “pre-boiling” some of the “tween angst” that comes up around that time frame in life. At different times in life, it seems like kids do a better job of communicating their needs and wants than at the tween and early teen years. This all reminds me of a scenario about 13 years ago. Two buddies, both dads, and I were having a business lunch. One of the guys had a brand new baby and was doing the “proud papa” thing. He had already shown us photos and had already told us that he was pretty well certain that this was one smart kid he had at his home. Then he launched into a description of the “baby sign language” which he and his wife were teaching this wee one. He explained that in early child development babies can communicate via sign language quite readily and this allows them to communicate needs and wants without the frustration of not yet being able to articulate via language. This was the first I had heard about baby sign language and I laughed and said, “Man, my kids never had a difficult time expressing themselves…when they wanted more juice they just slammed the empty ‘sippy cup’ on the high chair then threw it across the room.” (Now, I am not suggesting that baby sign language is not a good idea. I am just detailing my reaction the first time that I heard about it. I am sure it is good stuff.) Years later my sister’s oldest boy was about a year old and had been raised with baby sign language. The “sign” for “more” was to put one set of fingers into the palm of the other hand and draw it away (then do this again and again). He did this whenever he wanted more juice and didn’t seem to throw the cup across the room. Perhaps they were on to something but perhaps my son being able to throw a football and baseball the way he does has something to do with early “sippy cup” tossing. Anyway, so my nephew walks into the family room as we were all gathered for a big family party. Everyone of the adults shouts out “Hey, Mr. INSERT CHILD’S NAME HERE” is here! YEAH!” and we all started clapping for his grand entrance. The kid looked around the room and smiled large…then proceeded to put one set of fingers into the palm of the other hand and draw it away (then do this again and again). He liked that applause. He wanted more. He communicated thusly. I look at the manner in which my kiddos (and others) communicate and I can see that there are times when they are “emotionally” mature enough to communicate the emotional stuff they are going through. At other times they are not (reminds me of us adults some times). Looking beyond the communication (or lack of) to the actions (school work, peer choice, extra curricular activity level, etc.) is another way to keep a finger on the pulse as they are “communicating” all of the time. Some times it is just non-verbal.

 Tagged with: , , , , , , , , ,
 Older Entries