A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – A Story of Faith

 Posted by Bruce on April 20, 2010  Teenagers  1 Response »
Apr 202010
 

A Story of Faith

This past Easter I was skiing with my younger son. As my middle-aged body gets sore from several hours on the slopes, I tend to indulge in the jacuzzi to ease some the aches I’ve earned each day. On this past Easter Sunday, I ended up sharing the communal jacuzzi at the condo complex with members of a family who shared some personal stories. For me, they were inspirational.

I met Bob (names all changed) who was single 30+ years after divorcing the mother of Sharon and Mark, the other two adults in the jacuzzi. Bob had been their stepfather for seven years, yet remained actively involved in their lives long after he and their mother divorced. Sharon felt so close to him that when she got married she invited both her biological father and Bob to walk her down the aisle. This irritated her biological father who had evidently not been much of a father during the years before and after Bob was in Sharon’s life.

All these years later, these two adult children had chosen to remain connected with Bob, their stepfather of seven years. Their bond and commitment to each other was obvious. With all the struggles so many blended families go through I was impressed and touched by their closeness. Continue reading »

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In My Son’s Words

 Posted by MicheleN on April 19, 2010  General  No Responses »
Apr 192010
 

Some days I find being a single parent to be mentally exhausting. Keeping up with my life, and the lives of my three teenagers, often leaves my brain feeling like mush. As I was thinking about my post today, I came across this short essay that my seventeen year old son wrote (because he had been in trouble and I was at my wits end so I assigned an essay!) about why he values his family. Sometimes my kids just floor me. So I will let Mr. Johnny speak for me today, and I will remember to value the hidden wisdom that is buried beneath the sullen face and questionable grades!

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Learning to Give Up Control…or Not

 Posted by Brooke on April 18, 2010  Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Raising Children as a Single Parent  1 Response »
Apr 182010
 

Co-parenting is an intricate dance that is incredibly difficult to master. Trying to figure out the proper steps, trusting your partner to do what they are suppossed to and learning to let go of what you have no control over is not an easy process.

Lately I have been learning the act of giving up control. While I like to think of myself as spontaneous and fun, the truth of the matter is that I am a bit of a micro manager when it comes to being a mom. My best friend Abby recently brought to my attention when we were at her house for dinner that I asked my son if he was okay no less than 50 times in the four hours we were there. Hmmm…that may have been a bit excessive. I mean how much trouble could an almost ten year old boy get into the living room of a townhouse in suburbia while playing the Wii while I was in the kitchen? And didn’t I think that Christian would tell me if he wasn’t okay? It opened my eyes to how often I need to reassure myself that my son is alive, healthy and generally happy.

If I am that obsessive with my son’s wellbeing while he is with me, I am sure you can imagine what a crazy environment my head is when my son is with his dad for a week at a time (our custody arrangement is one week with mom, one week with dad.) I feel so vulnerable when Christian is with his dad. I have no control over what my son is doing for an entire week. It is torture. Continue reading »

The Emergency That Wasn’t

 Posted by Bill on April 16, 2010  General, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting  No Responses »
Apr 162010
 

Over the years I have impressed others with my ability to braid Michaela’s hair. I have been doing this since she was seven so I am actually quite good at it. It is funny how people react to me when they first find out that I can do a French Braid. Guys in particular will react to me as if I am some sort of famous magician making the elephant disappear on stage. I always get the “You can do what? Wow! How do you do that”. I have to laugh because braiding hair is like riding a bike. Once you get it down you don’t forget it.

Well my days of braiding hair are coming to an end. At the urging of her good friend Sienna, Michaela made the decision to get her first perm. She has researched it extensively. Looked at her options and even printed pictures of perms she liked and those that she disliked. Finally the decision was made and off we went to her scheduled appointment. I As much as I loved to braid her hair I was not about to sit with her for two hours and read the latest gossip magazines. That duty fell upon Sienna who planted the seed.

I have to say that I was really not sure what to expect. All that I kept seeing in my mind were visions of Shirley Temple :) Being the supportive father that I am I assured  her that no matter what, I was sure it would look great. Well two hours later I headed back to see how it all turned out. I prayed that she was going to be happy with the new look. When I first saw her I was amazed. The perm turned out perfectly. She looked so beautiful and was so, so excited. Sienna was taking pictures on the cell phone, and within an hour every friend in the world was receiving pictures of the new look. Before we left Michaela got her final instructions from the stylist and we set off for home with my new daughter. That night as Michaela left for   her bedroom I could see that  a smile on her face that stretched from ear to ear. She could not wait for everyone to her at school the next day. I pictured her arriving at the car line, getting out to the red carpet and flash bulbs clicking as she flipped her hair around with confidence. That was until the world came crashing down the next morning. Continue reading »

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Not paying attention to parenting conversations may mean you pay your kids to do work around the hosue

 Posted by Patrick on April 16, 2010  General  No Responses »
Apr 162010
 

Pay attention to parenting conversations and you may not have to pay for chores.

This whole parenting thing takes rigor and attention to detail. I must admit there have been times when I am far too ADHD to stay completely focused.

I was reminded of this recently when I reflected on a conversation with my teen aged son. He was talking about getting some more equipment for his guitars—in this case, it was another foot pedal.

At some point, when we got around to talking about the cost of the item, he suggested that maybe he could do some work around the house to make the extra money. Continue reading »

Stress:Gone with the Wind

 Posted by Lisa on April 16, 2010  General  3 Responses »
Apr 162010
 

I haven’t seen the movie Gone with the Wind in years. It really wasn’t one of my favorites, but it occurs to me that I have taking one of Scarlett O’Hara’s favorite lines, “After all … tomorrow is another day” and incorporated it into my single parenting life.

You might think this is just procrastination in action, but really it has become one of my greatest stress relievers. Each day I wake to a long list of  to-do’s. I then eliminate the ones that really are not necessary. Yet invariably other emergencies and action items crop up: the toilet stops up, the roof leaks and stains (and requires repainting), a mammogram must be scheduled, the refrigerator door won’t close and a new fridge is needed, the car needs an oil change, my kid has a field trip and a full track schedule coming up. You get the idea. These added items used to be the tipping point to my stress–the veritable straw that broke the camel’s back. Now I think like Scarlett and say, “Tomorrow is another day.”

This relieves the pressure and reminds me that everything does not have to be done today, but –and here is the key part–it must be done by (fill in the blank date here.) I give myself a deadline, as in: it must be done by Friday or the end of the month and then I make a solemn promise to myself that I actually do it by that date even if it is 11:59 on that deadline day. Continue reading »

A Dad’s Point-of-View by Bruce Sallan – It’s a Tech World, After All

 Posted by Bruce on April 15, 2010  General  No Responses »
Apr 152010
 

I love technology. I hate technology. I get so frustrated with technology. All of the above. That’s my generation and definitely me. My friend Marty is a tech wizard, while my wife is still using computers primarily for e-mail. I’m somewhat in the middle with my knowledge and depth of tech use and dependence, though my boys laugh at my attempts to learn anything new. But, it’s hard to resist all we hear about what every new tech gadget has to offer, especially for us men (a.k.a. boys and their toys).

When I get a new tech device, like a digital camera for instance, I am very excited by the purchase and I take it home with pride and eagerness. I carefully place it on my desk where it usually sits for a week or so until I muster the courage to open the box. Then, I take out the various parts of the device, and ask for some help to lift out the user manual. On viewing this lengthy document, in 42 different languages, I sit down discouraged, and place all the pieces and the manual on top of the just opened box, where it will sit for another week or two. A strong drink will finally give me the courage to start the learning process.

What inevitably follows is that I get stuck somewhere in the process and disgustingly pack all the parts back in the box with the full expectation to return it to CostCo, where I always buy such tech stuff, as they have the most liberal and no-questions-asked return policy. Usually, some sanity or maybe pride returns and I either figure it out or, embarrassingly, call the help line where I’m put on hold for four days after pressing 257 buttons on the self-help menu, until I finally get to speak to someone with a heavy accent that I don’t understand, in some country in a distant time zone. Continue reading »

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