Get Happy Now

 Posted by Lisa on April 30, 2010  General  1 Response »
Apr 302010
 

Today much talk exists on the secret to happiness.  Many, many self help books and DVDs are marketed to get us happy. A relatively new branch of psychology head up by Martin Seligman of University of Pennsylvania spearheaded the psychology of happiness research movement. I follow along and have written on happiness research and the importance of a positive attitude.

But happiness isn’t a the end of a romantic comedy in real life. Happiness may be as simple as contentment in the present moment. That’s right, just deciding that things are okay they way they are. I know the Hollywood version is more exciting, but the older I get the more I believe this. But how to you get to that happy contentment space? Here are a few ideas:

Learn to Let Go:Make peace with the past, let it go, and recognize your mistakes: I follow Deepak Chopra on twitter and the posts are daily reminders of these principles and so many more. The other day, his tweets were: ”I release the past to open myself to the future. When I let go of the known (the past), I accelerate the process of evolution.” and also  “I learn from my mistakes. When I honor and accept my mistakes, I can release them and move on.” Continue reading »

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – Tattoos, Rap, and Saggy Pants

 Posted by Bruce on April 27, 2010  General  No Responses »
Apr 272010
 

Tattoos, Rap, and Saggy

The journey from child, to teen, to young adult to parent seems to have similar stops along the way for most everyone. When I was in college, during the “age of stupidity,” as a man I greatly respect refers to the 60’s and early 70’s, as a “love child” and soon-to-be yuppie, I was thoroughly convinced that I would be a different parent to any children I might have than my parents were to me.

Naturally, I had ALL the answers. My parents’ tastes in music, fashion, politics, my Mom’s “helmet” style hair-do which required weekly visits to the hair salon, were all stupid, old-fashioned, and ugly! It was inconceivable to me that they didn’t “dig” or see how groovy The Doors, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, or The Stones were. The fact that most of them died of drug overdoses escaped me at the time (e.g. Brian Jones of The Stones in case you think I’ve missed something). The fact that Mick Jagger and his remaining “crew” still perform when our generation famously said not to trust anyone over thirty is also a lost irony on most of my AARP-aged contemporaries now.

So, when I became a parent, I was sure I’d appreciate and respect my children’s tastes because they’d probably just be the same as mine. I’d enjoy “their” music, “their” hairstyles, “their” fashions, etc. Of course, my brilliance and confidence about how I’d parent turned out to only be a repeat of my own parents’ experiences with me! As with most expectations, they disappoint. Continue reading »

Finding Happiness in Letting My Son Roam Free

 Posted by Brooke on April 25, 2010  General  No Responses »
Apr 252010
 

There has been a lot of talk in the past few years about Free Range Parenting vs. Helicopter Parenting. I’ve never denied that I am a bit of a hoverer, of the helicopter variety. Last week I talked about giving up control, and I knew that I needed to start walking the walk a little bit more.

When I read that Lenore Skenazy let her 9 year old son ride the subway and bus home alone from Bloomingdale’s in New York City in 2008, I was shocked and mortified. I could not believe that a mother would do that to her child. “Aren’t the streets of NYC incredibly dangerous? He isn’t old enough to fight off a predator! How could she live with herself if something awful happened to her child?” were questions that raced through my brain.

I understand her argument, and I honestly agree with some of what she is saying. I know I can’t take care of everything for my son forever and I don’t want to. I want him to be self-reliant. I want him to know that he is highly capable of making things happen for himself. I want to trust him with his own life, but deep in my heart I kind of feel like it is my job to protect that life. Continue reading »

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – What Do We Have In Common?

 Posted by Bruce on April 25, 2010  General  No Responses »
Apr 252010
 

What Do We Have In Common?

While on a recent skiing trip, I had a casual dinner with casual friends, including a couple that had been married, divorced, and were now dating again. As is so often the case, on the surface, they looked great together, so it seemed natural that the conversation went in the direction of “why did you two break up?”

The woman laughed and said, “it’s a long story,” at which point she began, without missing a beat, telling it to us. It boiled down to the simple fact that she and her partner really enjoyed each other but basically had nothing in common. He liked adventure trips, she liked resorts, he liked aggressive skiing and starting first thing, she liked a relaxing breakfast, followed by a leisurely time getting ready to go out, he wanted kids, she didn’t, etc.

It was almost comical and, in fact, they were laughing at each other and ultimately acknowledged all they really had together was a general feeling of comfort and familiarity. Continue reading »

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Focus on Strengths or What I am Good At

 Posted by Lisa on April 23, 2010  General  No Responses »
Apr 232010
 

Sometimes it’s easier to point out what our kids to wrong, but it is focusing on what they do right that motivates them to learn.

A while back I interviewed Steve Gavazzi, professor of education and human ecology at Ohio University, about how parents can best help their children to thrive and his words have stayed with me.

“The best way to help teenagers (and other children) who are struggling in school is put aside their academic problems and focus on what they’re doing right,” said Gavazzi. Continue reading »

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – Being Right Is Not Always Good Enough

 Posted by Bruce on April 22, 2010  General  No Responses »
Apr 222010
 

Being Right Is Not Always Good Enough

How often have you made a choice, in which you knew that you were right, yet it turned out wrong? If we, as adults and parents, can do this, what can we expect from our children, especially our teens?

I still can’t get over the fact that human brains don’t fully develop until their early twenties. I learned this from a lecture by Dr. Bruce Powell, dean of a local private school, and expert on raising teenagers. So, for teens, their judgments, empathy, and other functions, like knowing when to keep their mouths shut, just aren’t present. Yet, we expect them to often behave as if they were fully adult.

Knowing our teen’s limitations is the first step in knowing how to be the best parent you can be. Knowing my own failings and character flaws is further awareness for being that good parent that I’m always trying to be and advocate. In this regard, speaking from experience, letting go of my ego is often the biggest challenge. Continue reading »

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“I’m a piece of genius”

 Posted by Tracy on April 21, 2010  General  2 Responses »
Apr 212010
 

Whenever I describe Paris I always say the same thing.  She’s like Punky Brewster meets Pippi Longstocking (incidentally that’s how I describe myself).  I also say she’s a very spirited little red head.  And just to show them how spunky, spirited and sassy she is I tell them how when I told her, “You’re a piece of work” she looked at me and said, “I’m a piece of genius”.  LOL.

That was such a proud mommy moment for me.  What it communicated to me was a healthy self esteem.  I’ve worked so hard to help instill that in her.  I firmly believe having a belief in one self, knowing who you are, feeling comfortable expressing who you are, and feeling supported and loved are the ingredients to create a solid foundation in one’s life.  We these ingredients in place, I would say there’s a good chance the child is going to have a pretty good life. 

Unfortunately, our society is set up to constantly challenge our feelings of self worth.  It mostly comes in the form of media where we are bombarded with ads that tell us if we don’t have this or that or don’t like this or aren’t doing these things then we are not enough.  Even with as much attention as I give to helping Paris feel good about herself, she still at times expresses feelings of not being good enough.  It breaks my heart when this happen.  The cheerleader in me wants to immediately come to the rescue and start doing some Stuart Smalley mantra’s on her, “I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!” Continue reading »

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