Parenting—Is It All Just A Big Rounding Error
I look around and I see the “helicopter parents” hovering over their children as if they are going to clean up “little Johnnie’s” spilled milk before it even hits the ground.
I know a mom who still cuts up and feeds with a fork; her five year old child.
I know parents who won’t let their 13 year old kids go over to friends’ homes for sleep-overs.
I know 23 year old (hell, I know 50 year old) “boys” still living with their parents.
I know a 25 year old college graduate “woman’ still living with mom and dad to “save money”.
I read an article in the Wall Street Journal about parents actually going on interviews WITH their recent college graduate children.
I have a friend who is 40 years old who went away to boarding school at age 13 and the “interaction” with his parents has been intermittent since. The love he has felt from them however; has been a constant.
He seems to be a balanced man.
I look at all of this and think back to all that I have done for my children. I think back and I wonder if I had done 1/2 as much would they still be in close to the same place as they are today. I am quite excited for the people they are becoming so I have no regrets.
It does make me wonder a bit if all we really need to give them is a strong sense of self worth and guiding principles and then to be there whenever they ask for assistance in clarifying a question/challenge.
I get that they need parameters and assistance in setting “guide rails” in life but I wonder if we (in this country, in this society at least) go too far in “supporting” our children.
My folks didn’t do all this stuff.
They couldn’t. We had 8 kids and very little money (ok we pretty much had no money). As soon as you were old enough (13-15 or so) you went out and got a part time job and started picking up all your own “extra” expenses.
As you matured you were expected to take on more of your own “stuff”. It wasn’t much talked about, it was just a silent agreement. Each of us made our own decisions and informed our parents about our college choices—there were no “campus visits” with the parental units.
Surely, I might have made different decisions if I had more guidance but the decisions seemed to work themselves out. Regardless, it was on me anyway.
College was always considered to be “on your own dime” and most of us have degrees.
Mom and dad may have done things differently if they had fewer kids to “hover’ over but I kind of doubt it. Those were simply the expectations we had.
I am not suggesting it was more fun that way but I am also not suggesting that we are doing it all so well these days.
Like most situations the optimal answer exists, most probably, somewhere in the middle.
….happy parenting…
