This morning I was scheduled to do my monthly guest interview on The Doug Stephan Good Day Show at 5:06 am. I always love being on Doug’s show for two reasons. One because his show is heard on 400 radio stations nationwide and two, because I never know what Doug is going to ask me. That can be an interesting situation when you are up at 5:06 a.m. At 5:00 a.m. this morning Doug’s people called my people (that would be me since Michaela was still sleeping) and asked if we could move the interview to 7:06 a.m.? Who am I to argue with the host of a show heard by over 3 million people each month. Sure I said, but I will be driving the kids to school so we will need to do it on my cell phone. By the way my cell phone is tied into the speakers on my car. Fine by us they said..
Well right as Jack was getting out of the car for the bus the call came in and the interview began. Michaela is an inspiring journalist so she always loves to hear what questions hosts like to ask of thier guest. Today Doug decided to get my opinion on recent stories in the news dealing with both abortion and marijuana. Buckle up your seat belt Michaela this could get interesting. For times sake I will leave the abortion story for another blog, but having your 13 year old hear co-hosts going off on their beliefs about abortion is interesting, especially as I am sitting outside her Catholic school.
The other story that I was asked to comment on was about a father in California who stated he would much rather have his son smoke pot at home, than do it outside with others. “How would you as a single parent deal with that Bill” Doug inquired. Hmmm I thought for a minute and then I answered with… Does the dad think that if he allows his kid to smoke pot at home they will never do it outside of the home? Does he think that if he allows his kids to drink at home they will never do it outside of the home? Does he believe that if he allows his kids to steal money from his wallet, they will never steal from the local convenience store? What about if the kid steals his car at 2:00 a.m., takes it for a joy ride and wrecks it, will they never take someone elses car? Why does by doing it at home makes it all OK?
I think that as parents we are sometimes naive as to the messages that we send our kids. I told Doug that modeling good behavior and allowing for open lines of communication with your kids will get you allot further than allowing them to do something that is wrong, just because you believe that being with you, the “parent” makes it all OK. And then I started to think about all of the crazy things that we did as kids. Would I not have drank at a young age because my parents allowed me to do it at home? Would I not have wrecked so many cars because my parents allowed me to wreck their car first (ok forget that one, I did wreck their car first). Would I not have tried pot if my parents allowed me to do it at home? It made me start to think about where does the line between parenting and hypocrisy lie? Aren’t all parents at some point or another a hypocrite? I mean don’t we really have to be in order to be a good parent?
Wikipedia defines hypocrisy as :
The act of persistently pretending to hold beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually hold. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie.
As my son begins to drive I am constantly telling him to slow down. I am constantly telling him to look both ways at the intersection. I am constantly telling him to stop sooner at the stop sign. I do all of this knowing full well that I don’t always follow my own advice. Am I being a hypocrite or a good parent? If I tell my kids that it is wrong to drink underage, knowing full well that I did it, am I being a good parent or a hypocrite? If I tell my kids that having sex prior to marriage is wrong, but did it myself, am I being a good parent or a hypocrite? If I tell my kids that they need to study extra hard or they won’t amount to anything, again knowing full well that I didn’t always apply myself, am I being a good parent of a hypocrite? Sometimes I think that we have to be hypocritical in order to be a good parent.
I think that we all have to make those decisions for ourselves, because we know full well that our kids are not going to always do what we ask them to. They need to learn on their own that the choices they make will dictate the consequences they experience. I guess for know I am going to continue to be a hypocrite in the interest of good parenting and hope that the way in which I model as an adult opens up our lines of communication. This is really my only option because if they really knew what we all did as kids well……. I don’t even want to consider the conversation.
How about you? What are your thoughts?
