We’re In This Together

Last night after dinner, as the final fork was put down my sons scattered like dandelion wishes in the wind.
“What are we supposed to do now?” I called after them.
“Clean up,” they responded in unison.
And then they cleared their plates. Seconds later I looked over at the sink in our tiny kitchen piled high with dishes, and pot and pans, and surrounded by the remnants of dinner fixings like the butter dish and olive oil bottles. How can three people have so many things for one meal–a meal that is usually done in less than 15 minutes?

“It is a lot,” my younger son agreed with a shake of his head.

“I need some more help,” I said.

“How about I wash this time and you load the dishwasher,” my youngest suggested. He pushed up his sleeves and poured in green soap to make bubbles rise above the dishes. It would be his first time washing.

I agreed even though I knew it would take twice as long. (sigh!) My older son replaced items to the frig, washed the table, and took out the trash.

Frequently as a single parent, I am overwhelmed by the enormity of the task of raising two energetic boys and of all the little things—like mountains of laundry and dirty dishes—that accumulate each and every day. I am a writer and a teacher and so I have multiple projects and papers to grade cycling in and out weekly and monthly. I get to feeling like a hamster on that tiny wheel. You know the drill.

But then I stop and remind myself that we’re doing the best we can with what we have and we are pretty lucky. I say “we” because my sons and I are in this together. We are a family and even when I get to feeling overwhelmed their very existence calms me if I take a few minutes to stop and breathe. I just finished reading The Gift of An Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison in which she talks about midlife as a mother and the process of letting go of her young children to embrace the men that they are becoming. Books like this remind me that time does pass quickly no matter how many loads of wash there are to do or bills to pay or articles to write.

Is impossible to get it all done? No, at least not at our house so we let go of some things, lower a few standards, and then ask for some assistance. My boys are gaining more responsibility as the weeks go by and although there is some resistance we are making progress. It is true that teaching someone to do something does takes more time and patience than swooping in and doing it in a flurry yourself, but next time my son will know how much soap to use and when to rinse and what not.

More importantly, having the kids participate in life stuff—like food prep, chores, and errands– gives us time to talk. Someday when they are off at jobs or college or busy with friends, I will not remember the insurmountable wash and the endless list of things to do, but I will remember the sound of their voices, their giggles, and their smiles for a job well done together.