Being the sensitive, empathetic spirit I am, I pay a lot of attention to how people feel. It really bothers me when someone feels bad, especially about themselves. Yes, I’m one of those that sometimes cries when I hear of bad things happening to good people. Especially children. The cheerleader in me just always wants to make them feel better. And the nurturing and motherly side of me wants to protect them from experiencing negative thoughts and formulating opinions about themselves that are simply not true. And many times, it works. But lately, I’ve had some life lessons that have shown me that it’s ok to feel for others and have compassion for what they are going through, but to not take on their stuff and feel responsible for doing something about it. This has been presenting itself a lot lately with my daughter Paris.
Most of the time, I’m pretty aware and attentive to her feelings. I want to talk about them and give words to her feelings right away in an effort to avoid any inaccurate beliefs from embedding themselves on a cellular level. I find myself getting into pretty meaningful conversations with her about her experiences and her feelings attached to them. When she says, for example, someone at school did something to upset her, I’ve learned to ask her how she feels about it. What I’ve discovered in doing that, is sometimes her interpretation is not what I thought it would be. Sometimes, I’m giving it more weight than she is. And sometimes, I can just tell what her feelings are and I give her the words to describe them. She’s been saying the word frustrated since she was two. And it was so cute too. Ya know how when your kids say words incorrectly and you know you need to correct them but you let it go for a little while because it’s just so darn cute to hear them say it the wrong way? She still says precept instead of except. I’ve corrected many times but this one she holds on to. Strong willed little red headed fire cracker. I have no idea where she gets that from. 
But lately, I am finding that I’m having to address her emotions a lot. And I’m wondering if my technique is back firing on me. If maybe, I have overly concerned myself with her emotions and have taken too much responsibility for them that it is actually doing more harm then good. One of my biggest worries is doing something or saying something that will damage her forever in a way that I never intended and she will harbor some deep seeded resentment and anger for me that she will have to spend years in therapy attempting to get over. So I figure the more we can talk about her feelings and work with them, she increases her chances of living a happy and healthy life. But how much is too much?
So I’m left with asking for clarity to help me understand what is the best course of action to take with her. I’m feeling like I need to pull back on how much I involve myself with her emotions. This is mucho difficulto because I’m discovering that part of how I define myself and feel good about myself is by helping people feel better. And I feel to pull back in any way will not adequately prepare her to deal with her emotions. But I can’t help but feel on some level that in pulling back or even possibly letting go with what may be a control issue will also help positively build her character. My answer to everything lately is looking for the balance. So I will pray that I can learn a way to help her manage her emotions without feeling totally responsible for them.
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