I get really tired of saying ‘no’ to Max when he is doing something that is not in his best interest.
Instead, I have created a mantra this year that allows me to say ‘yes’ more often, by discerning a situation and looking for ways to create more harmonious and positive outcomes.
The timing is perfect, as the holidays have created some new challenges for Max around food portions, and how he is negotiating his choices. Interesting, since I coach my clients on this every day, and now need to find ways to gracefully teach this to my son.
To discern more readily with your kids, try these three tips:
1) Before you respond to a situation, stop and determine the ideal outcome . How do you want this conversation to go with your child? Are you available to have a conversation that ends harmoniously? What lesson can you teach in the realm of positivity versus negativity? Will your response serve to show your kids consistent, healthy habits?
2) Remember to ask your kids questions, and give them an opportunity to share their view of a situation. Discernment is a conversation, not a forceful negotiation. You can ask them if they are really hungry, or if the food just looks good. If they are truly hungry, then they will be okay with choosing some cheese and a slice of turkey. If they will only be satisfied with the cookie, then they are probably not sensing true hunger.
3) Next, aim to start each conversation with a ‘yes’. For example: “Yes, you can have dessert, but let’s choose thoughtfully”. Or, ‘Yes, you can have more potatoes, but that means you’re choosing that over dessert, are you okay with this?”. Say ‘yes’, but steer the conversation in a way that empowers your children to make the better decision.
When you set the intention to discern, rather than to react, you can move into a place of more harmony and laughter! This is my creation for 2010…what’s yours?