I showed up in Kentucky with a new baby, no car, hardly any belongings, no friends, no family, no weekend hotspots I would be tearing it up at, no job, and an overweight body. Not to mention, I arrived when Lexington was hit with the worse ice storm, not snow storm, ice storm, they had seen in 10 years. My abode? Well that was a tiny studio that smelled so bad of smoke it made me want to cry. To top all of that off, I’m living with her father again. Something we had not done in 2 years. And since our relationship at that point had been pretty rocky, that was no walk in the park.
The first feeling I felt was isolation. With all the baby material I read, I don’t remember reading anything about the feeling of isolation. Maybe it was a little more severe for me since I was a go-gettin, fun lovin, woman about town and just had my entire life as I knew it practically change over-night. I thought I was going to be so happy especially since I wouldn’t have to work at a job and listen to a boss anymore. I would be fancy free, to wake up when I want, go the park and enjoy the outdoors peacefully, enjoy dining out with her father again, take naps, and just get to relax with me and my baby at home with her goo gooing and ga gaing all day. No one to tell me when I had to show up or what to do.
Then it hit me, this kid is my job and in a sense my boss and I was on her schedule, not mine. And peaceful strolls at the park? This little bullhorn cried for 6 months every time we put her in the car. Dining out? It took us several times of that before we realized that was out of the question. My time was not my own and for someone whose number one value is freedom, this put a serious strain on me but not only that, made our relationship worse. Continue reading »
