I thought I would start by sharing the trial and tribulations of my daughter’s arrival and first year on this planet. From conception to her first year, was some of the most difficult times of my life but have played a part in shaping me into the parent I am today so I feel it’s important to my story to talk about that time.
Getting Pregnant
Although, I’ve always wanted to be a mom, at 31, my life was the furthest thing from the living the mommy life as you can imagine. It was all about the party and not about what I thought it “should” be to raise a kid. When I became a prego, Paris’s dad and I had been dating off and on for almost 8 tumultuos years and when we got the news, we we’re both very, very scared. Neither one of us felt ready to be a parent or that our current circumstances would provide a good life for a child. And although I was scared and couldn’t see how it was possible for us to raise a child, especially together, I was given a strength and a security that it was all going to be ok. I mean if my mom, being dirt poor and without any support can raise 3 children on her own from the age of 18, I certainly can do this. Once I found this strength, I was determined to raise this kid, and be the best mom I could be with or without him. After all, God wouldn’t have blessed me with this opportunity if he didn’t feel I could handle it.
Kentucky? Really?
I wanted to be a stay home mom, but given our current financial situation, that was not possible. Then the offer came. His father, owner of a successful oxygen supply company in Lexington Kentucky, told her dad that he would offer him a well paying job with his company, get us cars, a house, the whole nine yards. When he first proposed this idea, I, being the stubborn Taurus that I am, said absolutely not. I have my entire family out here in San Diego, and what the hell would a city girl like me do in a place like Kentucky anyway?
But my options were limited, so I reluctantly decided to do this. Her dad left two months before me to start the job and establish a residence for us. Having him gone during the last trimester of my pregnancy was heart breaking to me but we did what we had to do. I sold almost everything I owned, moved out of my adorable cottage which was the first place I ever lived alone, moved in with his mother, quit my job (which I hated anyway), prepared to say goodbye to all my friends and family and spent that last month taking it easy.
He returned back to San Diego for Paris’s birth. But I was really freaked out about that because what if she came early? I would have her without him there. That would have sucked. I forgot to mention two months previously, I was asked to be on the reality T.V. Big Brother. When I told them I was pregnant, they thought that would make the show more interesting but I never heard back from them. I’m glad because again, it would of meant not having him there.
Well he arrived in time and what that little thing decided it was time to come out she wanted to come out quickly. So with many swear words and sounds I didn’t know the human body was capable of making she was born. And when we saw that red hair we were stunned and for a moment, I know he thought that she was someone else’s kid.
Well something life changing happened while we were in the hospital. Her dad was super agitated with the barrage of nurses and doctors poking and prodding at Paris and became very short with them. So when he had the opportunity to stay with us in the hospital room that night, I told him to go home because he was making it harder. I couldn’t believe I was telling him to go. That NEVER happened. In that moment, I knew things had changed between us because now there was someone else’s needs that was more important for me to fill then his and that was a very welcomed change.
He left a few days later back to Kentucky, and then I left 3 weeks later to join him. The day in the airport with all my family was one of the saddest days of my life. And my new life in Kentucky as a stay home mom began and let me tell you it was not at all what I imagined it would be.
Join me next week as I talk about ice storms, dolling up for furniture movers and realizing I have a new boss.