I Love Having Teenagers
By Bill | September 3, 2010
I can’t tell you the number of people, who when I tell them that I have teenagers, say things like “Wow that must be tough” or “Good luck you will need it”. I don’t care, I love having teenagers. I really do. I can still remember what my life was like as a teenager. I can remember when I was honest with my parents and when I was not. I can remember all of the things that I put my parents through. Believe me growing up in a family of five, where you came home when the street light came on, we had allot of time to put our parents through hell. I know that my kids, or at least one of them, will do the same to me but… I still love having teenagers.
So why you ask? Why after all that you put your parents through? Why after all of the warnings others are giving you? Why knowing full well that the “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” do you still love having teenagers? Well here is why in this weeks (drum roll please):
TOP 10 LIST WHY I LIKE HAVING TEENAGERS:
1. I don’t have to ever watch Barney again
2. They can make their own lunch’s or starve. Their choice not mine.
3. At 16 my car pool duties get cut in half.
4. Toying with them is soooo much funner
5. They are actually concerned about being grounded if they don’t do their chores
6. I no longer need to pay for babysitters
7. They are strong in their opinions and resolve. I respect that.
8. I get to see that what I created may actually have a purpose in this world
9. Threatening to take away their cell phone pretty much guarantees me that I get whatever I want.
10. No matter how independent they become, or how mature they claim to be, I will always remember that they where my babies first and no teenager will ever take that away.
What is on your Top 10 List???
Topics: Teenagers | Add First Comment »
Powering Kids Up
By Lisa | September 3, 2010
If you want your child to stay calm and focused as they begin the new school year this fall, make sure they eat a quality breakfast including protein and quality carbohydrates, says a nutrition expert at Washington University in St. Louis.
We all know that eating something in the morning is essential, but what exactly and how can we make it EASY?
“Eating breakfast is key to how they perform in that classroom,” says Connie Diekman, M.Ed., RD, director of University Nutrition.
She notes that if parents really want to help their children maximize the classroom experience, there are a few things they can do as they plan what to eat for breakfast.
“Make sure you have a little bit of protein and little carbohydrate,” says Diekman. “When we look at that carbohydrate piece, what we want to focus on is your better quality carbohydrates, the longer energy carbohydrates like whole grain.”
Diekman suggests a bowl of oatmeal with milk (I am thinking my Dinosaur oatmeal with sugar “eggs” doesn;t count here?!). “That can give you some energy to the brain,” she says. “That milk begins to work on the brain chemicals, as well as the carbohydrate.”
She also suggests fruit, possibly having a fruit and yogurt parfait.
“Some sugar from the fruit that gives (your kids) that quick burst of energy, but the milk, the yogurt, has a lot of compounds in it besides the protein that can help the body with relaxation, attention, all of these factors,” she says.
Mornings are generally stressful times for families. Quick, nutritious morning meals are key, and Diekman has some tips:
She suggests peanut butter on whole grain bread or a smoothing with peanut butter, yogurt and fruit. The darker the fruit, the better, Diekman says. Blueberries, strawberries, apricots, blackberries and raspberries all contain a lot of phytonutrients that can help the body with relaxation during stressful times.
Fruits, and also nuts, contain antioxidant nutrients that can help the body overcome stress.
“It is so important that we equip kids, and mom and dad too, with something to eat before they enter the classroom or their job, because the studies are very, very clear,” Diekman says. “Performance in a classroom is so much better in breakfast eaters than in those who skip.”
Getting the good quality protein is a challenge in our house. The carbs are easier, but they are not always good quality. I try to plan ahead:
- I often make a few hardboiled eggs the night before or get up a few minutes early to throw on a scrambled egg.
- I have switched us over to whole grain light style wheat bread. We prefer Pepperidge Farm.
- My kids take two kinds of vitamins (multivitamin and a Omega supplement)
- I buy omega three liquid supplements, like NutraSea or Children’s DHA, and add it to my sons yogurt or applesauce. Some studies show that omega 3 may help contribute to increased brain function and focus in children.
- I make sure the kids get up in enough time to eat and do a wee bit of what they want even if it is one show on t.v., last-minute studying or a bit of a game.
- We save sugary cereal for a weekend treat and things, like poptarts, for a vacation splurge.
- I make sure I eat breakfast everyday, too.
It takes prep time, planning, and energy to serve up a good breakfast, but it is worth it. Talk over your child’s nutrition needs with your physician, who will be able to steer you in the right direction for your family.
Topics: General | Add First Comment »
Teach your kids how to de-clutter and let go
By Tracy | September 1, 2010
Do you have an issue with letting go of things? Well, guess what? Chances are so will your kids. We all know that kids, for the most part, learn their behaviors from their parents. Cluttering, disorganization and hoarding is no exception.
They will watch you not putting things back where they belong and they will learn that setting up their environment so that it is easy to live and work in isn’t important and making life harder is the way to go. If they hear you justify holding on to something by saying, “I might need it someday” they will learn that getting rid of anything means being deprived later which instills fear and lack of trust. If they see you wearing clothes that don’t fit, need mending or not a complimentary style and they will learn that putting their best foot forward doesn’t matter. They look at all of the items that you buy that are more than what you need and they learn that having a lot of stuff is what living is all about. So I think you get my drift. Your kids are watching and if you are a clutter bug and can’t let things go easily then your kids may grow up having the same problem.
So at this point you may be asking how do I stop my kids from aquiring the same behaviors I have when it comes to stuff? And the answers are simple. Model organized behavior and start teaching them now how to let things go.
I started my daughter de-cluttering at the age of 2. I would put a bin of toys in front of her and tell her to get rid of 5 things. Ya, at first she gave me a hard time so I let her talk me down to only a couple items at first but at least it was something and she understood that letting things go was going to be a common occurence in our home. Now at 8 when I tell her it’s decluttering time she easily sits down and goes through her stuff in a snap. In fact, sometimes if other kids come over she’ll just give some of her stuff away. It makes her feel good now to give away.
And kids understand organizing better than you think. I went to her pre-school for parents talk about your work day and showed all the kids how to sort items into like categories. They all got it, and were all on board with it. My daughter even came home and started organizing the refrigerator. I even had a client’s 16 month old stand next to a bin and I handed her stuff and said put it in this box and she did. Joyfully. Just that simple action, repeated over and over, will get them use to putting things away.
So here’s some suggestions how to make the process easier.
Make a competition or game of it. Recently, I asked one of my client’s kids to pick up all the toys in the room. He resisted at first. When I asked him how long he thought it would take him to do this he said an hour. Because he thought it would take way longer than it actually would, it paralyzed him into not taking any action at all. I asked him just to clear off just the top of the coffee table and challenged him to do it in under 2 minutes, he did it in one. We high fived afterwards and he was so proud and went to his mom and said, “Mom I cleared that area in one minute”. I know as a parent, it’s not always realistic to make every clean up experience a fun and exciting time but if you can integrate fun into the experience even once a week, you may see greater cooperation from your kids.
Ask for their input. Kids love calling the shots and being problem solvers. Ask them for creative solutions on how to clean up an area.
Tell them, when they have at least 10 bankers sized boxes worth of stuff, they can have a mini garage sale and keep all the money from it.
Tell them that they don’t have to let go but maybe just let loose and put the items they think they may get rid of but not totally ready to part with in a box and label 3 months from now. In 3 months, if they haven’t used it, they may now see the wisdom in letting it go. Instill in them that if it’s not being used, some other little kid might really enjoy playing with it. Be careful here to not come from a place of guilt when doing this. I’ve seen this happen. No bueno.
You can also rotate their items. This works really well for toys. Sometimes when they haven’t seen their toys in a while, they look like brand new toys to them. You can even do this with your own items like chatzkis, decorative items and pictures.
Put them in charge of clutter. Meaning, allowing them to call the shots when it comes time to getting the parents to let go of their stuff. Putting them in charge may make them more responsible with their own belongings.
Finally, if everything has a designated place and that area only can hold so much, it will be obvious when there are too many items in that area. For example, if there is a single bookcase in their room and all shelves are full of books, then it will be obvious that there is no more room for another book and then the rule will be to make room for something else you have to get rid of something.
The older your kids are, the harder it may be to gain their cooperation. I’ve had success in getting the older kids to cooperate when their rooms are set up to match where they are at in their lives. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in kids rooms that dont’ reflect their personalities, age or likes at all. This communicates to them that their needs aren’t being honored and they will feel as though they aren’t being nurtured or supported. If they feel this way, you can bet you aren’t going to get the level of cooperation from them that you are seeking. Something as simple as taking them shopping for new bedding or furniture can make a world of difference in their desire to keep their rooms clean. I just finished with a client where her bedroom still contained the furniture she had when she was much younger. We switched her room to a totally different room and decorated with the colors and design she loves and added furniture and other decorative pieces. When she got done with her cruise with her grandparents, all she wanted to do was to come home and be in her room. That said a lot.
So if you think your kid may not be open to the idea of organizing and de-cluttering think again. It just may be how you are going about asking them to help. Are you nagging them to clean up their room or are you showing them how and setting up their room so it’s easy for them to keep it clean? And if you are not modeling organized behavior yourself, guaranteed your kids are thinking well my mom and dad aren’t staying clean and organized so why should I? And if you aren’t organized then you need to seek outside yourself to learn how to be. You can’t teach what you don’t know. Place importance on being organized and your kids will more than likely follow your suit.
Single mom, organizing and productivity expert, Tracy Paye has been transforming spaces into livable and lovable environments since the age of 12. Tracy’s passion is to help people experience freedom from their stuff and re-design their lives. Through hands on organizing, coaching, consulting, speaking engagements, media appearances, and writing Tracy has positively impacted countless people by inspiring, empowering and motivating people to take action and gain control of their lives. If you are interested to learn more about Tracy’s organizing services you can visit her site at www.tracypaye.com. You can also follow her on Twitter at www.twitter.com/missorganized.
Topics: Organizing | 1 Comment »
A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – A Story of Giving
By Bruce | August 31, 2010
You Always Get More When You Give–A Story of Giving
I’ve learned repeatedly in my life that whenever I give to the world, whether by direct action or donations, I get back so much more than the effort or money involved. This is a life lesson that our kids should learn as so many of them, here in America, are living the “easy life” with no sense of the hardships most of the world has to bear and that most of mankind has historically suffered.
One of the unexpected benefits of my writing career and now my radio show is the opportunity to meet and interact with people I’d never have otherwise encountered. My “A Dad’s Point-of-View” Facebook page has around 2,500 “members” (or “likes” as they call it) from literally all over the world. Over 35 different countries are represented with many from Africa (why? I don’t know).
I actively participate on my Facebook page by welcoming every member with a thank-you note and inviting their participation on the page with, for instance, the suggestion to join one of the many ongoing discussions. On one occasion, I was invited to “chat” with some kids from Ghana. About 20 minutes later, I discovered I was chatting with two girls, seven and ten, who lived at a school in the small city of Agona Swedru. They were poor on a level most of us don’t understand.
Their charm in the chat was instantaneous. Learning that they were so young and so relatively comfortable in English only enhanced my curiosity. But, sadly, it also arose my suspicions as people in Africa via Craigslist have scammed me in the past. I continued the chat looking for an opening to test my cynicism. It came up indirectly when they responded to a question of mine in expressing the wish to have more books, as they had few in their tiny school.
I was hooked. Between their photos, their chatting, the exchanges I had with their father, Frank, who was the founder of this school, and the information on their various Facebook pages, I believed in them. And, I promised that my family would send them some books. The Facebook page for the kids is simply called AfricaZebras if you’d care to find them there.
Coincidentally, my family was packing for a move to another house. All of us have struggled to rid ourselves of our collective stashes of stuff. It brings to mind the great George Carlin routine on stuff. No doubt we had too much stuff! Since these girls were in their pre-teens (mostly 7-10), many of the books my boys no longer were interested in were already too “old” for them, or too boyish.
My younger son, David, and I went to our local library where they have a regular Saturday used book sale and we bought age-appropriate books for the girls, including several classics (Mark Twain), Dr. Suess, and some Disney picture books. Among our books to give away was a really nice old Bible as well.
I thought shipping a box to Africa wouldn’t be too costly until I did the research. The cost of shipping any large box was prohibitive but I did discover that we could send a medium-sized “flat-rate” box via the U.S. Postal Service for $56, which was still not cheap, but within our means.
My wife went through her books and found several that were also worthwhile, we felt, to include. I found some hand-crank flashlights, and some small chatzskies (nick-nacks) we thought they might also enjoy. I quickly filled up two boxes and sent them off to Ghana.
Shortly afterward, I asked David if he’d put together a box and see what other things, in addition to books, he might have to give to our new friends. He came to my desk a couple of hours later with an over-flowing box of books, small toys, games, magazines, and assorted felt-tip colored pens. We chose what we both believed were the best of the bunch and carefully arranged them all in the box to fit as much as possible.
While we were doing this, he looked up at me and said something like, “You know, Dad, this is a great thing you’re doing.” I looked at him and quickly replied, “No, it’s a great thing we’re doing.”
A couple of weeks later I heard from our new friends who were overjoyed with the first two boxes that had arrived. They sent a bunch of photos showing them getting the boxes from the post office, carrying them home, and some of the kids reading or playing with the contents. The photos are worth more than the small cost to us of sending the three boxes. You can find them and my first writing about this on my website.
The feelings my whole family had upon viewing these photos were indescribable. My wife had just come home and was stressed from a hard day at work when I called her over to take a look. She immediately softened and began planning all the additional things we could send them. I want to get a drive going to raise money for a laptop to send them. Is someone up for leading this effort?
In the meantime, if you have that pile of stuff/books/toys that your kids no longer need, please consider sending them to the Africa Zebras:
Frank Bennin
P.O Box 719
Agona, Swedru
Ghana
And, trust me, the cost to you will be nothing compared to the value to them and the heartfelt good feelings you and your family will receive!
Update: I just received this photo from them – truly a case of a photo being worth 1000 words!
Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site.. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter.
Topics: General | Add First Comment »
Tip of the day: Do Whats Best For Your Children
By Bill | August 31, 2010
Here is another tip from my new book “Kickin’ Butt as a Single Parent – 99 Tips That Every Single Parent Must Have”. Now when I mention every single parent I don’t mean “single” as in sole parent, I mean tips for every parent. If you like the tips then please let all of your fellow bloggers know about this blog as well as your friends. I appreciate your support and hope that in some way these tips will bring value to you and your children.
If you want to get all 99 tips and begin to transform your life and the lives of your children please visit www.singleparentstown.com to order my book.
Tip 1: Do what’s best for the children.
Whenever you are dealing with your ex, your first
concern should be, and must be what is best for your
children. Ask yourself, how would my children want me
to behave? The divorce wasn’t their fault and they
should never be made to feel as if it was. You may find it
hard to be around your ex, but making the needs of your
children your main priority will establish the kind
of relationship that most importantly, will benefit the
children. Both you and your ex are role models to
your children. Children who see parents continue to
work together are more likely to learn how to effectively
and peacefully solve problems. Never forget that your
children may not always listen to what you say, but they
will never fail to imitate you. Do you want them angry?
Do you want them to believe that it is alright to lash out
at another? Of course you don’t. Be aware of how you are
acting around your children and you will reap the
benefits. You cannot control what or how your ex reacts
to the situation, but you can, and you must, control how
you react. Be the bigger person and your kids will see
you in a way that one day you will be thankful for. Act
such that in the future when your children think of
fairness and integrity, they will think of you.
Action Step:
Repeat whenever needed: “I always have been and
always will be a role model to my children, 24/7. They
may not always listen to me, but they will never fail to
imitate me.” Repeat this each time you feel mad, frustrated
or upset with your ex.
Topics: Balancing Work and Children, Dealing with Divorce and Your Ex, General, Getting Your New Life In Order, Raising Children as a Single Parent, The Craziness of Single Parenting | Add First Comment »
Back to school college parties bring out more than just friends.
By Patrick | August 30, 2010
Back to school college parties bring out more than just friends.
So my daughter went packing off to college for her third year. Seems that last weekend, they had a back to school party at their apartment and lo and behold some “friend” of a friend walked off with her laptop computer.
Man, how I wish that I had remembered to warn her about some of those things that we adults take for granted. Like when you have a party you will not know everyone attending and hide the jewelry and take the wad of cash off the kitchen counter top.
Expensive lesson.
Expensive for me and very expensive for her.
She not only lost her laptop but she lost everything on it. Three years of photos, writing and memories. Few 19 year old kids backup their computers on a regular basis.
She is a writer and those files (3 years worth) are gone as is gone the book she was working on.
Better, smarter parenting (guidance) on my part and we would only be dealing with the loss of a piece of hardware.
Another poor parenting choice on my part not to have either given her an external hard drive or a subscription to a web based backup and recovery service.
Expensive for the both of us.
She is now dealing with not only replacing the hardware but dealing with the feelings of betrayal, violation and loss that any of us would feel in being burglarized.
I guess the moral in today’s blog is to remind your kids about security in their own abodes as well as reminding them (or enabling them) to back up files on a computer—lessons learned the hard way are usually ingrained but expensive lessons indeed.
So off to computer store and to check out web based backup service providers.
…happy parenting…
Topics: General | 1 Comment »
A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – Fact: Second Marriages ARE Harder
By Bruce | August 30, 2010
One might think that second marriages would be easier and succeed more often than first marriages. At least that might be a first instinctual reaction. But, on reflection and upon learning the statistics, it becomes clear why second (and third, fourth, and more) marriages are actually harder.
First, let’s cite the statistics. I don’t have a source, but I know it’s generally understood and accepted that first marriages end somewhere in the 40-50% range, while second marriages end about 66% of the time, and third and subsequent marriages fail around 75% of the time. These are not encouraging statistics. Thankfully, when I was divorced I didn’t know those discouraging numbers.
So, we now know that the odds are against us. Why? My first thought and maybe many other people’s first reaction was that we’d learn from our mistakes and “know better” the second time around. After all, we know what didn’t work, right?
No, the other adage comes to mind that the older we get, the more set in our ways we become. And, yet another cliché is true that the older we get the more baggage we carry with us. I am witnessing the opposite with my teen son and his “first love” girlfriend. While they certainly bicker, the joy of “young love” is palpable (who remembers the original song by Sonny James and the Tab Hunter cover of “Young Love”?) Frankly, it’s a joy to behold and a reminder for this old guy to pay attention to the romance in my own (second) marriage.
During the years between marriages, we do get used to being single again and, if we have children, doing things just our way. There is no doubt that happened to my boys and me. I was guilty of neglecting certain “mom” things such as anything to do with cleanliness, bathing, and general body and room maintenance. Yes, I’m exaggerating in my opinion, but my wife would likely say I’m under-stating the case.
She, on the other hand, had been single for about a decade after her first marriage and had created the ideal single life, with the perfect neat, organized, very adult home, which she thoroughly redesigned and remodeled to her exact specs. Everything in its place; everything just the way it “should” be! Clairvoyance is not required to predict what happened, but I’ll get to that later.
And, of course, age settles us into habits, longer relationships (with friends and family), and more ups and downs. All this experience can’t help but inform who we are as we progress on the journey of life. Also, our emotional guards and walls are stronger having more than likely had more experiences and disappointments than younger, innocent, newlyweds and children. Yes, the rigors of living harden us sometimes.
My wife and I experienced considerable adjustments when she became a member of our family. The Oscar and Felix syndrome was evident immediately. Oscar and Felix, for those that don’t remember, were the magnificent characters in Neil Simon’s “The Odd Couple.” Oscar was a poker-playing, complete slob while Felix was a neatnik, to put it nicely. I’d say he was overly anal-compulsive. Do you wonder which one I resemble?
So, my Oscar and my wife’s Felix clashed mightily over order and chaos in the house–struggling much of the time. My wife, however, had the odds stacked against her, as she was the “odd man out,” so to speak, because the boys and I had become comfortable in our Oscar ways of living. This became our first big issue as a couple. I didn’t want to change, nor did my boys. But, with time, we did because I began to recognize what an important contribution my wife was bringing to us and I was tired of getting berated (just kidding).
She was a blessing for the three boys as I’m counting myself as one of “the boys,” in this respect. But, if not for her strength and character, even this one thing could have broken us apart.
And, in our case, she was a first-time step-mom at a point in her life where that was the last thing she expected to be happening. This created an internal struggle for her that added to our challenges in the early months of our union.
So, is it any wonder, just using my own family as an example, that second and subsequent marriages might be difficult? I don’t think so. I also think too many men and women jump into another relationship or marriage without really considering the consequences to all involved. We’re human beings and we don’t like to be alone, for the majority of us.
Based on my own life, my simple advice is to take the time to really understand all the consequences of a new relationship with all its apparent “blessings.” I don’t want any of us to be adding to those high-risk statistics.
Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site.. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter.
Topics: General | Add First Comment »
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